Pitchers and catchers reported today and a lot of people are celebrating. Sure, it's a good day and everything but baseball season isn't really started yet. Until it does, I'll be watching my soaps.
I'm 90% sure JJ's line at the end wasn't in the script.
Hey A-Rod. We know you did steroids. We don't really care that much, but we love the fact that your image is "tarnished" and that in a few years people will be wanting asterisks next to everything you ever accomplished. We also know that you cheated on your wife with Madonna. We would think this was cool if your name was Daryl Strawberry and you did this sometime between her breakup with Sean Penn and Like A Prayer. Unfortuanately for you, you waited until she joined up in a seemingly made up religion and started going through painstaking processes to keep herself young looking. I guess it's not your fault you were 14 when that album came out. We know that you like teenagers. We know that this might just be a ploy to get people off the scent of Madonna. We know a lot about you, Alex. We know almost everything, but do you know what bothers us the most?
The fact that you were born in the USA and chose to play for the Dominican Republic instead! Seriously?! You're playing for "your country" Alex? It seems to me you were born in New York and then briefly lived in the Dominican before moving back to Miami. It seems to me that you are an American citizen with Dominican descent. You should try moving back there and telling me how that works out for you. Tell me if you like the drug trafficking and high crime threat. Tell me if you prefer the schools and medical care for your children. Tell me if you like living in a place that doesn't have a Scores. Or personal masseuses. I'm pretty sure you'll be back, Alex.
Anyone whose ever been to a Brewers game knows that for some reason girls look about 10x hotter than they normally do when they're at a game in Brewers gear. Maybe it's the alcohol, maybe it's our secret desire to make love to Corey Hart (doubt it) or maybe there is just something magical about Miller Park that turns every 4 into an 8. We don't know, but we love them and celebrate them here. We won't have pictures every day, but whenever we find one we'll post it.
Got a Brewers Babe of the Now? Send your pics or links to us.
Sure, you can wear a Brewers shirt or a Brewers jersey or a Brewers hat, but if you want to truly show how big of a fan there is only one way to do that: a hemp necklace. Made from the finest of industrial (non-drug use) cannabis, this necklace is a must have for any Brewers fans who wants to say "I like the Brewers" and "legalize it" at the same time.
Let's smoke play two!
At just $7.75 can you really say no to the little Michael Phelps in your life?
Ever see something cool Brewers related on ebay? Let us know.
If there is one thing I hate, more than anything in the entire world. More than racism, more than poverty, more than hunger, even more than the Cubs fans who try to take over Miller Park; it's people who wear jerseys with their own names on the back. Or worse, people who wear jerseys with their own nicknames across the back. Except nobody actually calls them their nickname, they just made it up to try to look EXTRA cool in their $80 waste of money. Hey buddy, do you know what goes great with a jersey with your own name on it? Zubaz pants! Oh, but it looks like you already knew that. Asshole. Tell your wife hello for me when you're throwing her down the stairs.
Yeah, not really a fan of those jerseys. Or grown men wearing gloves to games, but we'll get into that later. For now, let's talk about fashion. Already we know that jerseys with your own name on them are out. Not only are they out they are viable to get you the scorn of your family and friends for years to come. So, forget that. T-shirts? Okay. Polos? Okay. Blank jerseys? Okay. Current or former players? Okay. (You really should have known better with that Sabathia jersey though.) Homemade jerseys carved out of your chest hair? HIGHLY ENCOURAGED. From Home Run Derby's jersey of the week, we bring you: a guy who shaved "Go Brew" into his own chest. Proceed at your own risk.