Archive for March, 2009

Try not to get tackled out there

Fans March 6th, 2009

One time my dad took me to a Cubs game. I didn't check anything before the game, I just went and on the drive I told him that I would be extremely happy if we saw two things: Greg Maddux and some idiot running on the field. I got my wish that day.

Running on the field is one of my favorite parts of a baseball game because it's something that is distinctly baseball. If you ran onto the court of a basketball game theres a fairly good chance you are going to get the crap beat out of you by a player, in baseball you only have to worry about security guards (added bonus: no gun toting entourages). The best part to me is that when people are doing it they are doing it solely for attention* and they know exactly what is going to happen. Yet, it still happens year after year. I love it.

Have fun out there this weekend. Only five weeks to go.

* Unless they are White Sox fans who only rush the field in attack mode.

Who ya got in the WBC?

Baseball March 6th, 2009

USA USA USA USA USAThe other day a friend of mine asked me who I was taking in the World Baseball Classic and I just looked at him with disgust and disdain and another negative word that starts with d. Is this even a serious question? I'm supposed to "pick" a favorite team to watch? Really?

The answer is no, I'm not and you're not. We already have a team. Unless you were born in Chinese Tapei or Korea or Australia or Canada, then you should be rooting for the United States of America. If you were born in Mexico or Dominican Republic or anywhere in that bracket and you live in America now, you should be rooting for the USA. Why? Because you left there to come here! To better your life! You owe us your cheers!

This isn't really something that is open to discussion with me and I quote the great Kenny Powers when I say:

"Sure, I've been called a xenophobe, but I'm not. I just think that America is the best country and all the other countries are not as good. That used to be called patriotism."

Yeah, what he said.

Not only that, but Ryan Braun is on Team USA! A-Rod isn't! What's not to like about this team? (Besides Adam Dunn, of course.) NOTHING! They're Americans! Proud, patriotic Americans playing America's game.

Now if America were to be eliminated I'd probably have to go with Japan just because of Ichiro, but if they were eliminated? I would actively cheer for this thing to be over so that the real season could start.

Home opener five weeks from today!

Want to be unhappy all summer long?

Miller Park March 5th, 2009

Do you like long lines.

Do you want no chance of going to the game?

Do you like dealing with drunks?

Do you like taking their $20s and pointing them in the right direction?


Imperial Parking is holding a job fair for the 2009 season!


  • Ability to wear a vest
  • Ability to wave people in multiple directions
  • Ability to stand


Food March 5th, 2009

Am I alive and dreaming or dead and remembering? Because there is no way that there is seriously going to be $1 hot dogs at Miller Park.

No, you read that right. I said $1 hot dogs.



$1 HOT DOGS!!!!!

I must be dead.

Artie Lange on Bob Uecker

Baseball March 5th, 2009

Because if you want the best stories about Bob Uecker, you have to go to a proven drug addict who was fired from MadTV.