22
Apr 09

Todd Coffey is the Warrior

Todd Coffey is the Ultimate WarriorDespite having the second worst record in the MLB right now, many Brewers fans are pumped up about the emergence of Todd Coffey as a dominating reliever. I have to admit I am pretty happy about it too. Many people are taking this as a huge surprise, but anyone who remembers last season shouldn't be. Coffey was lights out after joining the Brewers with 7Ks in 7.1 IPs with an ERA of 0.00. Since joining the Brewers, Coffey has rocked.

The thing is I knew from the first time I saw him live on Saturday April 11th, that he would be one of my favorite players. When he came into that game, he exited the bullpen running. I don't mean he jogged out, I mean he ran to the mound like Steve Prefontaine. This guy was booking. At the time my friends and I made the obligatory "looks like Coffey had too much coffee jokes" (maybe he should switch to decaf, hey-yo!), but the more I think about it the more he reminded me of the Ultimate Warrior hitting the ring. I'm not saying he needs to paint his face or anything (although that wouldn't hurt), but I am going to go ahead and insist that he enter the ring game to the Ultimate Warrior's music from now on. It's just too perfect not to do it. Embrace your inner Warrior, Todd. The planets from the grimlack system have aligned.

Now I've never heard a Todd Coffey interview and I don't know how he feels about smoking, but if it's anything like this? Yeah, I'm going ahead and buying that jersey.

Don't ever change.


22
Apr 09

Brewers Babe of the Day

Is she hot? She certainly could be. What matters is she is drinking straight from the tap like a woman out of my own heart. Call me.

Brewers fan beer tap


20
Apr 09

A word about Brewers fans

drunk-fightBugs and Cranks with a piece about how both Cubs and Brewers fans are douches, but on Opening Day 2009 the Brewers fans were the bigger douches. Normally, I would come to the defense of such an article but at this time I agree completely. Most of the "Brewers fans" I saw on Opening Day weren't Brewers fans at all. They were fans of being drunk and obnoxious more than anything. I can honestly say that there were more Brewers fans to annoy me on Opening Day than Cubs fans. Now, for once in my life there was actually more Brewers fans there than Cubs fans but the point stands. Below are some of the complaints that Cubs fans have issued and my responses to them.

  • Relentless verbal attacks (colorful language) on both young and elderly fans.

Not sure how I feel about this one. I am not the biggest fan of swearing in general, especially around kids, but Cubs fans are THE WORST at this so I don't really care to hear it.

  • Gesturing and taunting of pre-teen female Cubs fans to perform sexual acts.

Come on.

  • Throwing items.

Definitely not a fan of this. If someone's throwing stuff have them thrown out. It's not that difficult, in fact it's kind of fun.

  • Pouring beer on fans/down their shirts.

This is just wrong. Who would waste beer? They cost $6.75!

  • Tampering with vehicles.

Not cool.

  • Dumping charcoal ashes in front of Illinois plated cars.

Not cool.

  • Pieces of broken beer bottles placed under cars and tires.

Seriously, how old are you? That doesn't even work.

  • One fan reported being intentionally cutoff in their vehicle.

Really? Someone from Illinois is going to complain about driving? Really?

Here's the thing, Cubs fans are going to act like douches. There is no denying it, it's just a fact of life. You don't really have to do anything to entice them into douchery, it just comes naturally. Here's a great example, on Saturday my friends and are I were in our seats when in front of us this drunk lady looking like she just stepped off the set of a Larry the Cable Guy movie started screaming at these Cubs fans sitting next to us about how bad these guys sucked. Now, the whole game these Cubs fans were quiet and polite never stepping into the idiocy we tend to associated with Cubs fans. My friend decides to tell this lady to shut up because A) it's annoying and B) she believes that as Brewers fans we shouldn't stoop to doing stuff like that (ie like Cubs fans do). An argument insued and this lady ended up losing rather badly, but basically she came to the defense of these Cubs fans. So what happens? Soriano hits a home run in the ninth and they IMMEDIATELY turn into douchebags. This wasn't like someone turning into a zombie after a bite, this was like the moon rose and they were instantly transformed, like were-douches. Did this cause us to regret it? No, it didn't. The fact still remains is that we don't do stuff like that in Milwaukee because we aren't the dumb ones.

And you know what? Despite all these complaints listed above (and I am sure there are many more) I still saw more Cubs fans thrown out of Miller Park last weekend than Brewers fans. The Cubs fans may outnumber us and at times they may even be louder than us, but we should accept that as long as they don't out-douche us. Forget taking back Miller Park, we need to give back the douche. I'd rather be outnumbered, out yelled, out drunken and everything else than an asshole.

Have you entered our contest for two free Brewers tickets yet? All you have to do is become a fan on facebook, not that hard.


20
Apr 09

Foodgasm: Chorizo

Because the Brewers are on the road and we want some stadium food...

Miller Park Chorizo


20
Apr 09

Because thinking of the Cubs is not at all depressing

Sad Cubs FansThere's this Cubs fan, right? And his dad died (sad). His dad was a Cubs fan which means that his dad died without ever seeing his team win a playoff game World Series. While this guy is burying his dad he thinks to himself "Man, this cemetery is depressing, there's got to be some way to lighten this thing up." Does he start drinking like a normal human being? No. Laugh with old friends? No. Share stories? No. Bang a random girl in a mausoleum? No.

He decides that the best way to lighten up the old cemetery is to make it look more like Wrigley Field.

"The goal was to try and take away some of the gloominess and depression from a cemetery visit,"

Seriously, because his dad doesn't have enough bad memories of the place he wants to be dead there too. Because as a Cubs fan the only thing I love better than thinking about my dead dad is how much my team chokes every year. Because when I think of my parents being dead, I also want to think of Steve Bartman. Yeah, great idea guy. Here's another great idea: Wrigley Field divorce certificates because when I want to think about my wife leaving me I also want to think about how my team hasn't won a playoff game in two years.

Read the whole thing for a good laugh. I love the part where he says this has nothing to do with the economy, that just floors me for some reason.

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