Hey, it's time for one of those year end clip shows that you love so much. You know like that time on Full House when we saw how much we truly loved and appreciated Uncle Jesse after seeing those old clips. There was no need for him to move out of the house with his family, he could just live in the attic!
Miller Park Drunk has only been open a year, but we've published over 300 posts in that time period. Call this the best of 2009, call it The Beginner's Guide to Miller Park Drunk, call it whatever you'd like, here it is.
BEST OF THE BEST
Don't You Forget About the Brewers: John Hughes, director of such classics as The Breakfast Club and Pretty in Pink, died this year and the Brewers paid him a tribute.
The Happy Youngster is a douchebag who makes us all look bad: This post really put us on the map with links from Deadspin and other major blogs. It also inspired this idiot to call us "a blogger who gives drunks a bad name", sold a few t-shirts and was semi-popular on tumblr. Not my favorite, but definitely worth mentioning.
Brewers Flow Charts: I have no idea where this idea came from, but it's definitely one of my favorite of all time.
Witrado's Quest: One of the weirder endeavors we have ever done did a fine job of getting the Witrado hatred out of our system. Not that we like him now just that it doesn't bother us as much anymore.
THE RUNNING SERIES: I loved this if only because Brew Crew Ball to write:
"If you have a vague interest in Brewer baseball, but wish there was less analysis and more profanity on this site, then Miller Park Drunk's RUNNING series might be just the ticket for you." Read the rest of this entry »
Lists are for lazy people. Since I am lazy, do top ten lists all the time and only occasionally write about the Brewers I thought I would create a new tag for the site called "Drunk 10". Come on, it's fun. Today we cover the Brewers we'd most like to share a drink with judged on talent, general coolness, drinking ability and likelihood to buy drinks. Apologies in advance to Ryan Braun, I still love you.
10. Rickie Weeks
I am probably biased here, but I have heard from people who have seen him out around Milwaukee that he is a really cool guy. Between growing up and Daytona Beach and all the time he spent on the DL you have to think he has beaten up a pretty good drinking resume.
9. Paul Molitor
Really should be higher based on the sheer amount of talent and things to talk about him with, but this quote from his Wikipedia: "He stopped using drugs in 1981, and has since visited schools to lecture about the dangers of drug use" drops him down. Still, even if the Ignitor sipped on a virgin pina colada while you got hammered it would still be awesome. It's Paul Molitor!
8. Jeff Suppan Read the rest of this entry »
Tomorrow is Christmas Eve and most of you are probably already checked out for the holiday, but just in case you are like me and completely irresponsible, waiting til Christmas Eve to buy anyone anything than I have a list for you. I can't tell you what anyone wants (probably something involving their cellphone), but I can tell you what they DON'T want. So here's 10 Christmas gifts you shouldn't get for that Brewers fan in your life, don't worry there is still time to return it! Read the rest of this entry »
Sometimes I wonder why I even watch this god awful sport. The World Series champion New York Yankees, the richest team in any sport that have a value almost 5x that of the Milwaukee Brewers, have stolen another one from the poor, stupid teams like us. Mike Rivera has signed with the New York Yankees and I think we all know what this one was about. These stupid baseball players, all they care about is money! You know it's not enough to offer a major league job and a nice city to play in, these greedy a-holes want more. MONEY, MONEY, MONEY! Why do I even bother to follow this team? Why do I even write this stupid blog? I mean, it's not like the players care! Nooooooo, they just go to whoever offers them the most money. Mike Rivera doesn't care if I get diagnosed with a life threatening disease and the only thing that can cure me is him re-signing with the Brewers, all he cares about is padding his wallet! NEW YORK NEW YORK! THE CITY THAT NEVER F'N SLEEPS! WHERE MONEY RAINS FROM THE SKY AND YOU CAN TAKE YOUR DRIVER'S TEST IN 400 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES! Man, screw New York. Seriously, New York you can f right off.
It's just sad, you know, that a small market team like the Brewers can't compete dollar for dollar with a team like the Yankees. Kids grow up rooting for their heroes, but as soon as their heroes become free agents they leave the kids behind. (It's just like my parents divorce really.) Whatever. CONGRATULATIONS MIKE RIVERA I hope you are happy to know that you have ruined my Christmas with your evil, greedy ways. The Mike Rivera jersey I got from Santa is now kindling in my fire! Thanks for nothing, JERK!
EDIT: It appears that Mike Rivera was actually non-tendered by the Brewers who didn't want him back and he signed a minor league deal with the Yankees. So, sorry about that Mike. I take it back.
Monday is my birthday, that's right I am one of the very lucky people to be born during the week of Christmas. I know, it's crazy right!? I didn't even know it was possible for people to be born around Christmas! (I've only had people make that observation about 15,000 times in my life and believe me it never gets old. How unlucky could I be!) I have spent the majority of my life having my birthday overlooked. My friends could never come to my birthday party because of "holiday commitments" or I would always get the dreaded birthday-slash-Christmas present which, honestly, makes you feel like a second class human being. You see these other people are worth two separate gifts, one for their birthday and one for Christmas, but you? You, you little bastard, are only worth one gift combined! Honestly, you have no idea how much we love your brothers more than you! You couldn't even imagine how much we don't love you, but trust us it's A LOT! We're getting divorced and it's all your fault! Y0u think I'm kidding? I can only remember one Christmas in my lifetime that I got separate birthday and Christmas gifts. For my birthday, Super Mario World for Super Nintendo! For Christmas? A Super Nintendo! That's right, I had to wait FOUR DAYS to play with my birthday gift. Thanks a lot, mom and dad.
Lest you think I am bitter, I have figured out how to move past this and start loving my birthday again. No, I didn't convert to Buddhism. (Those people don't celebrate shit.) I just figured out how to make it work and here's how I did it. Call it: