It's that time of year again, St. Patrick's Day. Along with Cinco De Mayo and someone else's birthday, it's one of the world's greatest excuses to get drunk for no real reason. Many children have been sired on this day and many people have gotten their first taste of the long arm of the law during a St. Patty's Day celebration. It's a shame really that some people have to ruin a perfectly good drinking day by getting into some sort of trouble. Luckily, your past problems will remain there because from today and on into the future you will have this guide to get you through. You are welcome.
So I know what I said before about never coming back, but I just couldn't help myself when it comes to the 2010 Cubbies. The Cubs are too damn good NOT to write on the internet about! This Is The Year. Plus, I couldn't stand the thought of that douchebag Vince writing some stupid crap like "we don't think the Cubs are that good this season". Hey buttface, it's only you! There is no we! 'We' would imply you had friends, which you don't.
Before I get to the Cubs, I want to say a few things about some of the things that have been going on at this god forsaken site lately.
- I don't see what everyone's problem with Ryan Braun's restaurant hiring good looking people. We do this in Chicago all the time. You know why? Because if we hired a fat girl to work at Giordano's she'd eat all the pizza!
- Here's something I actually agreed with, the Opening Day post. I love Opening Day because I can go down to Wrigley Field about 8am and start doing Jager bombs. I usually get so drunk I totally miss the game, lol. One time my boy Danno got so wasted he got thrown out of the bleachers. That's like getting arrested in jail. Classic. I never miss Opening Day.
- You people in Milwaukee have some crappy tattoos. You need to get some cool barbed wire around your muscle like me. You'd probably have to stop eating cheese and actually work out to do that though. NEVERMIND!
- Finally, this pro wrestling post may be the most pathetic thing I've ever seen. What's next, MPD? What Star Trek characters are Brewers? What Dungeons N Dragons guys are Brewers? What Brewer would be the best at World of Warcraft? Way to show your nerd colors, nerd.
Enough of this stupid Brewer talk because the BREWERS SUCKKKK!. Let's talk about a real baseball team. Let's talk about YOUR CHICAGO CUBBIES! Continue reading →
I have friends. One of my friends is Tyler Maas. He pointed out this ad for Ryan Braun's restaurant on craigslist. It seems that Ryan Braun's new Waterfront restaurant is getting rid of all their old, ugly staff and replacing them with new, hot people. You should read his post on the matter. He nails it. Here's the ad:
Now, another one of my friends is Craig, Craig List. You may know him as the owner/creator of craigslist. I contacted him about this ad and he told me that this is actually the second draft of this ad as he said he couldn't post the first ad. I got to thinking, how bad could the first ad have been considering this is the same site that often advertises porn casting couches for sale and personal ads for WoW nerds. So I emailed Craig back and he gladly sent me over the original copy of Braun's employment ad. Read at your own risk. Continue reading →
My buddy John called me the other day to talk a little bit about the Brewers, one of the things he said to me was "dude, Gregg Zaun is awful." Now, I'm pretty sure that he judged this completely off of the one televised game the Brewers had shown at the time. Or maybe he is basing it off of his career numbers. Either way, he is pretty sure that Gregg Zaun is awful. Which is okay by him because "as long as you are a Brewers fan, you shouldn't expect any production out of the catcher position".
Of course, he's right. Dave Nilsson and BJ Surhoff were probably the two best catchers the Brewers have had in the past twenty years and their best seasons came away from the dish. The rest of the list is filled with a who's who of backup catchers from other, far better teams. If your team has ever signed Jason Kendall and had him be considered an "upgrade", you can be pretty sure your catcher wasn't that good.
Of course, he's also wrong. You don't judge Gregg Zaun by the same standard that you judge, say, Corey Hart. A catcher's body gets extremely beaten up over the season (and in Jason Kendall's case, his face too), while Corey Hart's just gets tatt-ed up. Hitting isn't the be-all, end-all of the catcher position. As an outfielder or a DH, Gregg Zaun IS awful, but as a catcher he is average to above average. It's all relative. (He's also wrong because as of this writing Gregg Zaun is hitting .417 in spring training! WOOO!) Continue reading →
This is Jason Kendall.
Jason married Chantel. Chantel is pretty smoking hot. Now they are divorced. This is Jason Kendall's ex-wife Chantel.
(Further proof that whole "becoming a professional athlete" thing can really pay off.)
Rod Stewart was a big time rock star. I know at least two people who named their daughter after his hit "Maggie May". I heard a story one time about him having his stomach pumped. This is Rod Stewart. Continue reading →