POO-HOLES GET IT?!? LOLOMGROFL
Hey, it's Friday and it's the first week of the season what better way to kick off the weekend against our hated rivals from St. Louis. Much is made about the Brewers/Cubs, but honestly I think a lot of that is Packer fans trying to recreate their animosity for the Bears. The Cubs, as a team, have never done anything bad enough for true hate. The Cardinals on the other hand have given us a really good reason to hate them, they beat us in our one and only World Series. Sure, I was like 10 months old at that time but still. Screw those guys.
I won't be going to any games this weekend so I won't get a chance to try and have sex in the bathroom. At least in Miller Park, that is. (Hey yoooo!) We're slowly but surely getting back into the swing of things here and next week should be bursting with more of the crude, semi-sexist, semi-Brewers related content that you've grown to love. Until then follow us on twitter and facebook. We'll see you Monday.
I figured I should probably write about some baseball today and I have a few things to say about the Brewers pitching staff, but not enough to make each individual one into it's own post. Here we go.
- Yovani Gallardo: I was glad to hear that we signed this guy to a five year extension. An extension for a pitcher is always risky, but not giving a pitcher an extension when you expect him to be awesome is even riskier. That being said, I wonder if I will start spelling his name right on a regular basis by the end of the contract (always with the extra N). Or if this picture will ever get old. Doubtful on both ends.
- Randy Wolf: I mentioned this on twitter and I was accused of being a bad fan. (You know because people who spend their time blogging about the Brewers obviously don't even really like them.) But I want to say it again, why did he get a standing ovation when he left the game on Tuesday? He pitched pretty good, but it wasn't amazing or even a quality start. (Not to mention the fact that he left runners on that could have potentially tied the game.) The only difference, of course, is that the Brewers had the lead when Wolf left. Is that how it works? Leave with the lead and you get an ovation? I'm curious.
- Doug Davis: Not a great start for the Big Tuna exacerbated by the fact that he works slower than Betty White. I don't expect him to look that bad the next time out, but I also don't expect him to work any faster the next time out. On the bright side, a Davis start almost guarantees an extra half hour of beer sales during the game.
- Jeff Suppan: Two bits of news came out on Jeff Suppan this week. The first being that he was named the team's fifth starter. I'll let Disciples of Uecker handle that. The second, that the reason he may have been injured was because of an uncomfortable pillow. The Brewers announcers did a fine job making fun of him for this.
As much as everyone hates this move (and it is a bad move in a win-now sense) I have to trust the brain trust on this one. Rick Peterson was hired to fix Manny Parra and if Rick Peterson says that Suppan should get the job while he works on Manny a bit more, I have to go with what he says. If Suppan is as bad as we think he is, he'll play his way out and if Narveson/Parra are as good as we think they are they'll play their way in. It'll all work itself out.
- Trevor Hoffman: The countdown to 600 saves in left center is this year's coolest addition and makes me want to be there very badly when it finally happens. Of course, that means it will happen on the road. Second, "Hell's Bells" is still very, very awesome.
Well, it happened again. Someone had sex in the bathroom (with another person) of a Major League park that wasn't me. I mean, what the hell man? It's not like I haven't tried. Okay, maybe I haven't really tried at all but still. For the amount of games I go to you would think that the opportunity would have arisen by now. It's like catching a foul ball right?
Luckily, unlike catching a foul ball there is something I can do about it. No, I'm not talking about roofies. I would never share those. I'm talking about taking matters into my own hands. I'm talking about emailing every known bathroom sex having person and asking them how they did it. I'm talking about soliciting the advice of experts. So unlike my guides for sneaking in booze, getting over a hangover or killing a homeless man in the parking lot and disposing of his body before game time (whoops haven't written that one yet), this is a guide of something that I haven't actually done yet. This is a guide to guide me too. It's an interactive experience here at Miller Park Drunk.
Since much of our fanbase is made up of women we will be providing guides for both men and women. Up first, the ladies.
Sometimes I like to check out twitter during a Brewers game. Yesterday I decided to check it out during the Brewers/Rockies game.
bryantmetzger Fact: Doug Davis pitches better when he has cancer. And by better I mean very very average.
LONG_DRIVE Doug Davis has the Diet Coke version of Werth's facial hair.
meghalbagel Watchin Doug Davis being killed by the Rockies he gave up 3 runs in the 1st inning and hes still pitching!!
datdudetg Doug Davis need to get his head outta his ass
BrewersBar Doug Davis visibly putting Ken Macha to sleep in the dugout.
BenKj i officially hate doug davis
DanDotLewis Wow, Doug Davis is having an epic meltdown. Single, WP, BB, Double, BB, WP, BB.
Yeah. Not a great start for Big Tuna.
For the past two weeks I have been planning on NOT going to Opening Day. I got great tickets for Tuesday and I just didn't feel like paying the higher price for Opening Day tickets. I been there, I done that. (You got guns? Yo, I got straps.) Instead, I planned to have an Opening Day party and watching the game on TV. I make my own fun and there's nothing at the stadium that would really change that.
Well, some things have changed and I am now going to Opening Day (as a designated driver, seriously). That doesn't mean I still don't have these cool plans for an Opening Day party and that I can't share them with all of you. Read the rest of this entry »