12
May 10

Hey everybody, we’re all getting laid Tuesday May 25th!

Do you like the Brewers?

Do you like getting laid?

Are you single (or will you pretend to be)?

Do you have $40?

Well, have I got the deal for you! Check out what I just found this on the Brewers official website:

For only $40, get a Dew Deck ticket, which includes a pre-game buffet and two drinks per person, plus the opportunity to mix and mingle with Milwaukee-area singles!

    DEW DECK BUFFET MENU FEATURES:
  • Grilled Bratwurst with Sauerkraut
  • Hot Dogs
  • Chicken Breast Sandwiches
  • Hamburgers
  • Lettuce, Tomato, and Pickle Platters
  • Pasta Salad
  • Assorted Cookies
  • Soft drinks
  • Two beers per adult

Would it be wrong to buy all the available tickets and put them on stubhub for 5x face value? The Brewers are basically guaranteeing that you get laid here! $40 makes me feel like I'm practically stealing from them. You can't even get a hooker in Costa Rica for that price.

Look we all know that the key to a woman's heart isn't actually a key, but more like a math equation. That equation? Continue reading →


12
May 10

Where would we be without Casey McGehee?

I can't say that I've ever actually believed in Casey McGehee. You look at his career in the minor leagues and you just don't see the player that we see everyday. In 2005 at Triple-A Iowa he had 497 at-bats, hit 12 homeruns and had a .774 OPS. That was the best season he ever had in the minors. Last season he hit 16 homeruns with a .859 OPS in only 355 at-bats and was the Brewers 3rd most valuable player. It didn't seem right. It seemed like a fluke, it was like if someone told you that after all these years of terrible programming Tyra had suddenly became a great talk show. That isn't to say that Casey was the minor league equivalent to Tyra, but that's about how much sense it made.

Yet here we are, 2010 and Casey is still doing it. He currently leads the Brewers in homeruns, RBIs, people saying what a great guy he is and looking like some guy that'd be in my softball league. He also ranks second in OPS, batting average, doubles and hits. As well as third in jerseys worn at Miller Park. (Seriously, those things are everywhere.) The point is that guys who are doing what Casey McGehee is doing aren't supposed to be guys like Casey McGehee. They are supposed to be studs like Jason Heyward of the Braves, you're supposed to see them coming. They aren't supposed to be guys claimed off waivers that make the team out of spring training. I'd love to set the Doug Melvin haters straight and credit him with this move, but honestly even he didn't see this coming. No one did (especially Tyler). Continue reading →


07
May 10

Miller Park Drunk vs the Brewers bullpen

I am the biggest optimist who writes about the Brewers on a regular basis. Every post I write either says "relax" or "calm down" or "save some of that glue for me to sniff". I don't think the Brewers are this bad. I don't think Doug Melvin did a bad job of putting this team together. I didn't think they would play this poorly and against LA they kind of proved me right. I'm an optimist and I believe in this team. At least I believe in most of it.

Last night's loss sucked, but even the loss itself wasn't enough to send me over the edge. What sent me over the edge was this story from Adam McCalvy that featured these gems of information:

Hawkins said his command has eluded him in all but his first two outings this season, and now his velocity is gone, too.

Here's what I don't understand about this. If you don't think you have good control and you don't have good velocity (and honestly, you should be able to tell when you're in the bullpen warming up) shouldn't you tell somebody? Shouldn't you say, "hey maybe someone else should take the ball today. We have a chance to win and I don't have my best stuff." I always warn my girlfriend when I don't have my best stuff (and she's just an inanimate blow-up doll of Precious from the movie Precious (Based on the novel Push by Sapphire).)

You have a GUARANTEED contract for the next two years, it's not like you have to prove yourself to make the money. (Just ask David Riske.)

Trouble is, Hawkins' best pitch has not been very good of late. He was pumping 96 mph fastballs with ease during his four scoreless outings to begin his Brewers career, but on Thursday he didn't top 91 mph.

Once again, things that could have been brought to someone's attention YESTERDAY!

"You can make mistakes if you throw hard enough. You can't make mistakes at 88-90 [mph]," Hawkins said. "If I knew what it was, I'd tell you and I'd fix it. ... It definitely doesn't put your mind at ease, that's for sure."

And this right here is what completely sets me off. "You can't make mistakes at 88-90 mph". Do you know who makes mistakes at (not 90) (not 88) eighty six mph? Our closer, our ace reliever, TREVOR HOFFMAN! Continue reading →


06
May 10

LOLBREWERS: I love LA

The Brewers are on a two game winning streak! WOOHOO! Does two games make a streak? I'm not sure, but we're going with streak. Next stop, playoffs! YEAH!

Let's celebrate our good fortune with our favorite feature, LOLBREWERS.

Continue reading →


05
May 10

Gregg Zaun hit a homerun

Gregg Zaun's hitless streak caused us to go viral. Why shouldn't his first homerun of the season do the same?

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