It is said that looking into Derrek Lee's eyes will reveal your future. Unfortunately, the Cubs future is always the same.
Let's make Tyler Colvin make a stupid face. No, let's make Tyler Colvin make a stupid face and put a red pepper right in front of his nose! Yeah, it's not like he's our most marketable player or anything.
Hi, I'm Koyie Hill. No, I don't know why I am on the cover of this either.
Hey, let's get Fukudome in there and give him some chopsticks. Get it? Because he's Asian!
It's-a me, Dempster! I hope-a you like a spicy meatball!
You know who we should put on this cover? Alfonso Soriano. I know he's routinely booed at Wrigley Field and he still has four years and almost $70 million left on his untradeable contract, but still. I feel like he should be on there. Maybe something with a lime? He is Dominican, you know. Those people love limes.
I figured so what if he's had a few anger issues? He apologized; Carlos should hold the knife.
Just look at Ted Lilly; he just looks like he's going to be traded to the Dodgers by the time this book comes out.
Two catchers? Really?
Seriously, Dempster is such a douche.
Miller Park Drunk's Pants Party is under three weeks away. In case you've been living under a rock for the past few weeks the party is taking place on 8/29 at Miller Park and includes a pre-game tailgate with free beer and food as well as a ticket to the game, for only $25. We are getting closer and closer to the cut off date so if you haven't already reserved your spot you should do that now.
If you are one of those people who still needs convincing we thought the best way to convince you would be to give you a sneak peak at our menu. Our chef, Citizens Bank Park Drunk, did a really great job with this thing and I'm REALLY excited to eat it. You should be too.
MPD Pants Party Menu
A menu loosely based on our beloved sausage race. Read the rest of this entry »
Baseball August 5th, 2010
When you go to a baseball game the odds are you are going to have a conversation and unfortunately, due to the nature of baseball and it's natural boring-exciting-boring flow, the conversation will not always be about the game on the field. Sometimes you will talk about the team and the GM and whether or not the manager should be fired. Sometimes you will talk about your relationships and your kids and the future. Sometimes you will talk bad about your friends who aren't there because you know it's really fun to do. You will talk about many things and just so you know if you are sitting in the vicinity of me I will eavesdrop on you. Part of this is because I like to try to enjoy the game and will be silent at certain points, believe it or not often times your conversations will come at times when you should probably be paying attention, and part of this is because I am a keen observer of the human condition. I'm a writer, you know. (*dismissive wank*)
When I went to Wrigley Field for two of the Brewers games there this week I ended up doing this quite a bit. I found out, to my extreme delight, that my lady friend shares the same hobby and will laugh at the stupid things that people say. (And then get entirely too angry about the stupid things that people say.) For instance, there is this Miller Lite sign in right field on one of the rooftops. Last season it read "We prefer a pennant race to a sausage race" and now that the Cubs are terrible again it reads "The brat stops here." I, of course, complained about this. It doesn't make any sense. I mean, the Brewers play at Miller Park. MillerCoors shouldn't be making fun of a team that they sponsor a stadium for. Do they think that Brewers fans are never going to see it? Why can't they make fun of the Cardinals? It's a joke. Anyways, at the game there are these doucheholes sitting behind us who are just saying stupid thing after stupid thing. We laugh at them, then we laugh again and then we think about leaving early just to get away from them. It's just too much, these guys are world class douchebags. Then one of them, to my horror, notices the same sign and starts to say many of the same thing as I did. It's weird how my own thoughts are echoed through this idiot's mouth and I start to think way too much about it. Am I this big of a douche too? Does she just figure that out? Am I getting left here? I didn't even get to do the weird stuff! And just as I'm about to begin defending myself in a desperate attempt to save myself, they do it for me.
"It's weird, you know, because the Brewers are owned by Miller. That's why they're called the Brewers because Miller owns them."
"I don't give a fuck about the Brewers, dog."
And they're called the Cubs because Wrigley chewing gum owns them. Of course. Read the rest of this entry »
CUBBIES August 3rd, 2010
The Chicago Cubs lost to the Milwaukee Brewers 18-1 last night. Tying a record for hits given up in a game and basically being embarrassed on their home field in front of their home fans. I almost felt sorry for them.
Instead, I decided to collect a bunch of tweets people posted after the game whining about their team. That seems much more like me, laughing at others displeasure.
Jack_E04 Cubs you are terrible. Time to be a die heart sox fan
BballDude23 Worst. Cubs. Game. Ever. Ommmgggg
krazymoe Glad to see the Cubs only lost by 17 runs tonight. We'll get em one of these days...
rokkherCASBAH had a lot of fun at the cubs game even though they lost horribly. it was fun. :] i'm gonna miss my 3BJ boys. <3
The Milwaukee Brewers didn’t make any deadline trades and re-signed Corey Hart and that’s okay with me
milwaukee brewers August 2nd, 2010
I have been prepared for the Milwaukee Brewers to trade Prince Fielder and Corey Hart for a solid two months now. Heck, I've already written a goodbye to Corey Hart. While trading our two most valuable assets may have seemed like a great idea on paper (we could get Wade Davis, Matt Cain, Gordon Beckham and Daniel Hudson!) I can't help but to agree with the non-move the front office made. As Disciples of Uecker noted the players teams got in return for their players were terribly unfavorable. It was a buyer's market as evidenced by my favorite summation of a deadline trade by KenTremendous:
So, Yankees get Berkman, Astros pay his salary and get nothing in return. That seems like a good deal for Houston. Well done.
"We want Montero for Berkman." "How about we give you nothing and you give us four million dollars and Berkman." "Even better!"
Teams simply weren't trading their pitching prospects, at least the ones we wanted, and if they weren't going to do that there was no point in trading anyone. Nobody got desperate, so nobody got traded. It's as simple as that. Prince and Corey stay. We like those dudes so we're happy. (We're also happy because we kind of called it.)
Then, in the most surprising news of the year, the Brewers signed Corey Hart to a three year contract extension. It's shocking to see his transition from "mostly pointless" to total elation, but there it is. Honestly, I don't even know what to say. Read the rest of this entry »