Archive for October, 2010

BOBBY VALENTINE TO MANAGE THE MILWAUKEE BREWERS!??!?!?!?!

milwaukee brewers October 27th, 2010

What's the time? Rumor time. What's the time? Rumor time.

Despite not being known as a candidate by Tom Haudricourt until yesterday (and even then it's only because Ken Rosenthal told him) it is now rumored that Bobby Valentine will be the next manager of the Milwaukee Brewers.

Bobby Valentine, currently an ESPN analyst, has been managing since the 1980s, but is most famous for managing the Mets and his stint in Japan (they even made a movie about it). Bobby Valentine has never won his division in Major League Baseball, but he has managed to take two Wild Cards, lose a World Series and win a championship in Japan. So he's not completely incompetent. Still, his resume is far from impressive (his Mets teams predictably had large payrolls) but this has never stopped him from being the most popular managerial candidate for any managerial opening that comes up in any given season. Name a team and Bobby Valentine has been connected to it's managerial position.

At this point it's only a rumor. This time offered up by Bill Scott of the Wisconsin Radio Network (what is with these radio guys and unsubstantiated rumors?) who says that Bobby Valentine would be looking for a three year $10 million dollar contract. When reached for comment Jeff Suppan said "And I thought I was a ripoff." Seriously. THAT. IS. INSANE.

I'm on record as saying that I don't think managers make a big difference as far as game to game goes. It's important for them to manage the personalities in the clubhouse, but as far as game to game goes I don't think they do much of anything. Spending $10 million dollars on someone, money that could be better spent in the draft (where the Brewers pulled a Montgomery Burns last year) or on the team (where they need to find suitable replacements in always important underwhelming starter and past his prime closer positions), is ludicrous and I hope that they don't do it. I hope this rumor turns out to be just as false as the Bob Brenly one. Then we can write off Milwaukee radio as being just as stupid as Milwaukee newspaper. That'd be fun.

As for Valentine himself, he's probably a good manager. He'd probably do a good job. Just like anyone else he has his good qualities and his bad. Let's look at some.

  • He claims to have invented the wrap sandwich, choosing to ignore thousands of years of Mexican eating habits.
  • He once came back to the dugout wearing a fake mustache after being ejected. Fake mustaches, much like exposed cleavage, is always okay in my book.
  • He actually thought this out loud on TV despite it making zero sense:
    After a very well executed sacrifice bunt by Cubs pitcher Ryan Dempster, Valentine spews out a pseudo-statistic, commenting that a pitcher who bunts well can improve his record by four games -- "changing a 8-8 record into 12-6".
    Uhh, yeah.
  • Along with Tom Selleck, Brad Pitt and David Letterman; Valentine is a Sigma Chi.
  • And then there is that whole Whartongate thing.

I don't think Bobby Valentine is the right guy for this team. He wants too much money, he loves media attention too much and he's shown a history to not get along with either his players or his management. Also, he wants ten million dollars.

NEXT!

What Brewer would you trust with your girlfriend?

Off-Base October 27th, 2010

I do my best not to get jealous when it comes to my girlfriend. Whether it's her puzzling lifelong crush on Jason Mraz or the people who won't stop telling me how "lucky" I am to be with her or any of her assorted male best friends, I do my best not to let it bother me. After all she is with me and not them for a reason, I don't know what that reason might be (I suspect some sort of experiment for college credit), but the fact is that she is with me and not them. So I try not to get jealous, but she's attractive and she owns a vagina so she gets hit on a lot. I do my best not to let it bother me, but sometimes it does. Like the other day.

The other day she went to the corner store where we normally go to pick up alcohol and other drinks and the cashier (who never does this sort of thing) asked her if she had a boyfriend. She told him that she did and when he asked if it was "that guy you're always in here with" she told him that yes, that was me and I was her boyfriend. (Good work, btw girlfriend.) I would have preferred "Yeah he's my boyfriend you got a problem with that douchebag? His name is Vince and he will f*ckin' END you for this, dog", but she's not Lil' Kim and probably way too nice to even think to say something like that. Plus, she probably doesn't believe I could actually end anybody. Still, that should have shut him up right? He should be apologizing to her. Apologizing for the great disrespect that he has shown for the two of us and our relationship because we seem like nice people and are probably a really good couple. "Sorry," he should say, "I messed up," but of course he doesn't do that. No, he has something to say. He says "Oh...."

I heard that he was gay.

I heard that he was gay.

I heard that he was gay.

Seriously? That's your play, guy who I always talk to about sports? Really, guy who I once told to "start stocking condoms because I don't want another kid"? That's your move? Really? You sure about that, guy with a neck tattoo who is out of her league anyways?

(And I'm not gay. I watch professional wrestling! There's nothing gay about that, that's for sure!)

It sucks. I can't even trust my girlfriend to buy me a Vitamin Water without some jerkoff trying to hit on her, but the truth is that when it comes to your girlfriend you really can't trust anybody. How many movies are there about best friends in love with the same girl or the guy in love with his brother's fiance? How many vampires have to steal girls from werewolves before we learn that this stuff happens in real life? It happens all the time, every single day and there is only a few people in the world that you can trust.

I know that with my girlfriend I can trust the following people: Read the rest of this entry »

Sorry Casey McGehee, but the Milwaukee baseball writers are stupid morons

milwaukee brewers October 18th, 2010

The Milwaukee chapter of the Baseball Writers Association of America cast their votes and selected their award winners for the 2010 season. It was no surprise that Yovani Gallardo won the Brewers pitcher of the year award and that John Axford was awarded the "newcomer of the year". I mean, who were people supposed to vote for? There was a slight upset when Trevor Hoffman took down incumbent Craig Counsell for the "Good Guy of the year award". He'll receive a write-up in the JS upon his release and a wanking motion when I read it for the award. The real travesty took place when Anthony Witrado was born in the Brewers team MVP voting. Here's how that went down.

(1st place votes are worth five points, three for second and one for third.)

NAME 1st 2nd 3rd TOTAL
Casey McGehee 3 1 1 19
Weeks 1 3 2 16
Hart 2 1 1 14
Braun 0 1 0 3
Fielder 0 0 2 2

(I had to do some guessing on the voting, but this is the way math worked based on my calculations. If I'm wrong feel free to correct me.)

I don't want to become all "I'm on the internet and I have blog, look at these advanced stats that prove how wrong this is!" guy because then I'd have to kick my own ass, but seriously Casey McGehee is probably the fifth best player on this team and he doesn't deserve this award. Let's look how he stacks up against the other Brewers and you can judge for yourself. Read the rest of this entry »

Milwaukee Brewers to fans:We sucked last year so we won’t be raising ticket prices. Please keep giving us money.

milwaukee brewers October 11th, 2010

Good news Brewers fans you will pay the same price for Brewers tickets in 2011 that you did in 2010!

/hi-five

That's right after raising ticket prices in 2008 (because they were good) and 2009 (because they made the playoffs in 2008), the Brewers will not raise ticket prices in 2010 (because they sucked). Let's go to Mark A for the story:

Your unwavering support over the past four decades was especially appreciated during a disappointing 2010 season. Despite investing approximately $50 million in free-agent pitchers and assembling a team with the highest payroll during my six-year tenure as principal owner, we only marginally improved our pitching, and our offense, while potent, was inconsistent.

Translation: Due to our bad record we lost money. We won't lose money next year. Read the rest of this entry »

Ken Macha out, Bob Brenly in?

milwaukee brewers October 6th, 2010

In the most unsurprising news since your mom drunk dialed me last night, the Milwaukee Brewers decided not to retain the services of Ken Macha. Those of you who wished for his firing will be disappointed to know that he wasn't actually fired and his contract simply wasn't renewed. On his last day Doug Melvin and Gord Ash even helped him pack. The Ken Macha era ends not with a bang, but a whimper and every rose has it's thorn.

What can I say about the guy that hasn't already been said? I didn't like Ken Macha for awhile, but then I did. Now I like him and he's fired. Baseball is funny like that. I don't think he did anything to deserve getting fired (besides manage a team with a bad record), but he was hired to win and whether or not it was his fault that they didn't doesn't matter because they didn't. (Got that?) He could have made Gallardo pitch underhanded, batted Prince leadoff and changed the team uniform to Remetee if he won, but he didn't win so he's gone. It doesn't matter if he did a good or bad job because all that matters is the results. Ken Macha knows this:

"There's a lot of people who don't necessarily merit getting a promotion or getting fired. That's just the nature of this game. Do I think that I merited this? I don't know. Did I merit getting the job in the beginning? I'm not sure. That's just how things work out in baseball. That's the game. That's the business."

It is what it is. The next guy will come in and we will like or dislike him for awhile and then he'll be gone.

2010 was a bad season and someday had to pay. They blamed the pitching coach last season, it was Macha's turn. On to the next one.

Now, what if I told you that the Brewers were going to hire a former WORLD SERIES winning manager? That's what we need right, a winner? Somebody who has won before and knows how to do it again? A no-nonsense manager who has the experience and tools to succeed, that's what this team needs and that's what this team is looking to get.

Unfortunately, the man Doug Melvin has (allegedly) chosen to (possibly) do the job is Bob Brenly. Read the rest of this entry »

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