27
Oct 10

What Brewer would you trust with your girlfriend?

I do my best not to get jealous when it comes to my girlfriend. Whether it's her puzzling lifelong crush on Jason Mraz or the people who won't stop telling me how "lucky" I am to be with her or any of her assorted male best friends, I do my best not to let it bother me. After all she is with me and not them for a reason, I don't know what that reason might be (I suspect some sort of experiment for college credit), but the fact is that she is with me and not them. So I try not to get jealous, but she's attractive and she owns a vagina so she gets hit on a lot. I do my best not to let it bother me, but sometimes it does. Like the other day.

The other day she went to the corner store where we normally go to pick up alcohol and other drinks and the cashier (who never does this sort of thing) asked her if she had a boyfriend. She told him that she did and when he asked if it was "that guy you're always in here with" she told him that yes, that was me and I was her boyfriend. (Good work, btw girlfriend.) I would have preferred "Yeah he's my boyfriend you got a problem with that douchebag? His name is Vince and he will f*ckin' END you for this, dog", but she's not Lil' Kim and probably way too nice to even think to say something like that. Plus, she probably doesn't believe I could actually end anybody. Still, that should have shut him up right? He should be apologizing to her. Apologizing for the great disrespect that he has shown for the two of us and our relationship because we seem like nice people and are probably a really good couple. "Sorry," he should say, "I messed up," but of course he doesn't do that. No, he has something to say. He says "Oh...."

I heard that he was gay.

I heard that he was gay.

I heard that he was gay.

Seriously? That's your play, guy who I always talk to about sports? Really, guy who I once told to "start stocking condoms because I don't want another kid"? That's your move? Really? You sure about that, guy with a neck tattoo who is out of her league anyways?

(And I'm not gay. I watch professional wrestling! There's nothing gay about that, that's for sure!)

It sucks. I can't even trust my girlfriend to buy me a Vitamin Water without some jerkoff trying to hit on her, but the truth is that when it comes to your girlfriend you really can't trust anybody. How many movies are there about best friends in love with the same girl or the guy in love with his brother's fiance? How many vampires have to steal girls from werewolves before we learn that this stuff happens in real life? It happens all the time, every single day and there is only a few people in the world that you can trust.

I know that with my girlfriend I can trust the following people: Continue reading →


18
Oct 10

Sorry Casey McGehee, but the Milwaukee baseball writers are stupid morons

The Milwaukee chapter of the Baseball Writers Association of America cast their votes and selected their award winners for the 2010 season. It was no surprise that Yovani Gallardo won the Brewers pitcher of the year award and that John Axford was awarded the "newcomer of the year". I mean, who were people supposed to vote for? There was a slight upset when Trevor Hoffman took down incumbent Craig Counsell for the "Good Guy of the year award". He'll receive a write-up in the JS upon his release and a wanking motion when I read it for the award. The real travesty took place when Anthony Witrado was born in the Brewers team MVP voting. Here's how that went down.

(1st place votes are worth five points, three for second and one for third.)

NAME 1st 2nd 3rd TOTAL
Casey McGehee 3 1 1 19
Weeks 1 3 2 16
Hart 2 1 1 14
Braun 0 1 0 3
Fielder 0 0 2 2

(I had to do some guessing on the voting, but this is the way math worked based on my calculations. If I'm wrong feel free to correct me.)

I don't want to become all "I'm on the internet and I have blog, look at these advanced stats that prove how wrong this is!" guy because then I'd have to kick my own ass, but seriously Casey McGehee is probably the fifth best player on this team and he doesn't deserve this award. Let's look how he stacks up against the other Brewers and you can judge for yourself. Continue reading →


11
Oct 10

Milwaukee Brewers to fans:We sucked last year so we won’t be raising ticket prices. Please keep giving us money.

Good news Brewers fans you will pay the same price for Brewers tickets in 2011 that you did in 2010!

/hi-five

That's right after raising ticket prices in 2008 (because they were good) and 2009 (because they made the playoffs in 2008), the Brewers will not raise ticket prices in 2010 (because they sucked). Let's go to Mark A for the story:

Your unwavering support over the past four decades was especially appreciated during a disappointing 2010 season. Despite investing approximately $50 million in free-agent pitchers and assembling a team with the highest payroll during my six-year tenure as principal owner, we only marginally improved our pitching, and our offense, while potent, was inconsistent.

Translation: Due to our bad record we lost money. We won't lose money next year. Continue reading →


06
Oct 10

Ken Macha out, Bob Brenly in?

In the most unsurprising news since your mom drunk dialed me last night, the Milwaukee Brewers decided not to retain the services of Ken Macha. Those of you who wished for his firing will be disappointed to know that he wasn't actually fired and his contract simply wasn't renewed. On his last day Doug Melvin and Gord Ash even helped him pack. The Ken Macha era ends not with a bang, but a whimper and every rose has it's thorn.

What can I say about the guy that hasn't already been said? I didn't like Ken Macha for awhile, but then I did. Now I like him and he's fired. Baseball is funny like that. I don't think he did anything to deserve getting fired (besides manage a team with a bad record), but he was hired to win and whether or not it was his fault that they didn't doesn't matter because they didn't. (Got that?) He could have made Gallardo pitch underhanded, batted Prince leadoff and changed the team uniform to Remetee if he won, but he didn't win so he's gone. It doesn't matter if he did a good or bad job because all that matters is the results. Ken Macha knows this:

"There's a lot of people who don't necessarily merit getting a promotion or getting fired. That's just the nature of this game. Do I think that I merited this? I don't know. Did I merit getting the job in the beginning? I'm not sure. That's just how things work out in baseball. That's the game. That's the business."

It is what it is. The next guy will come in and we will like or dislike him for awhile and then he'll be gone.

2010 was a bad season and someday had to pay. They blamed the pitching coach last season, it was Macha's turn. On to the next one.

Now, what if I told you that the Brewers were going to hire a former WORLD SERIES winning manager? That's what we need right, a winner? Somebody who has won before and knows how to do it again? A no-nonsense manager who has the experience and tools to succeed, that's what this team needs and that's what this team is looking to get.

Unfortunately, the man Doug Melvin has (allegedly) chosen to (possibly) do the job is Bob Brenly. Continue reading →


29
Sep 10

A brief argument to bring back Ken Macha

Buster Olney said this past week that "unless there is a last-hour change of heart on the part of the Brewers, Manager Ken Macha will not be retained." Is this the right move?

Here's a few facts about Ken Macha and managers in general:

  • Ken Macha does a pretty good job with the bullpen.
  • It wasn't Ken Macha's fault that the pitching was terrible.
  • It wasn't his fault last year either.
  • The offense has remained one of the best in the league.
  • There have been no public feuds with any of the players or among any of the players.
  • Despite what some Kameron Loe fans may say, he's been very good at protecting pitchers.
  • Too much credit is given to managers for a team's success or lack thereof.
  • A great manager is, at best, worth about two extra wins a year.

These are all true things. I didn't just make them up. They are reason enough to give Ken Macha another chance, but they are not why I am arguing to bring him back. The reason I think the Brewers should consider bringing back Ken Macha is this:

Teams with interim managers

Arizona Diamondbacks
Chicago Cubs
Florida Marlins
Seattle Mariners

Teams with managers who are retiring at the end of the season (and are yet to name a replacement)

Atlanta Braves
Toronto Blue Jays

Team that is likely to fire its manager before next season

New York Mets

Team that should fire its manager before next season

St. Louis Cardinals

Team that could have its manager leave because of contract expiry

New York Yankees

Team that question mark

Chicago White Sox

That's ten (eleven if you count the Brewers) teams that could be looking for a new manager this offseason and a lot of those jobs look at lot more attractive to a perspective manager than the Milwaukee Brewers. A few of these teams are larger markets with rich baseball histories. Seattle has better sushi. Toronto is located in Canada. Florida has the best cocaine. Milwaukee is Milwaukee. There is going to be a lot of competition for managers and the best of them are likely not to come to Milwaukee. (That being said, if they were the best they would probably already have a job.) We might not be the first choice of the guy we want.

So what exactly is the point of getting a different person to do the same thing that Ken Macha already does? Or worse, what is the point of getting rid of Macha and hiring someone who does a worse job than he does? If the team wanted to fire him they should have done it back in May when it might have ignited the team or at least inspired the fanbase. Who cares now?

You can't blame Macha for the team's success because he's done the best that he could with what he had. He didn't have any pitching and you can't win with an incomplete team. The team has played hard all season long with no obvious signs of quitting like you see a lot of other teams doing this time of year. I don't think you can fire him based on results and if you can't do that, why fire him at all?

Ghost of Miller Park Drunk's Past says:

Because he batted Corey Patterson leadoff, that's why. Don't you remember? He batted Corey Patterson in the leadoff spot. COREY PATTERSON! ARE YOU F'N KIDDING ME!?

You know one of the things that old school people will say is "at the end of the season, players always hit what's on the back of their baseball card." I would consider Ken Macha to be an old school guy. Therefore, what does he see on the back of this baseball card that I don't? Because all I can see is mediocrity.

Now, it's not so much that he batted Corey Patterson leadoff that has me calling for his head. I mean on it's own that is pretty indefensible, but you could make a rather poor case for it without Hart, Cameron or Braun playing. What really pissed me off though was his use of him in the ninth inning of Monday's game. Namely, he let him bat when Ryan Braun was available.

In the eighth, Braun stepped into the on-deck circle to bat for the pitcher, but ended up not getting to bat. (You can't make the argument that he wasn't available because he was pretty clearly ready to bat in that inning.) Then in the ninth, that pinch hitting spot was taken by Craig Counsell who promptly drew a walk. Now with a runner on first with nobody out and down by only three, what would you do? Call on the best hitter not in the game, Ryan Braun, to pinch hit? The second best, Mike Cameron? The third best? Yovani? Well, if you are Ken Macha you let the absolute worst hitter on your team and quite possibly in all of baseball swing away and ground into a game defining, might as well be game ending double play.

And then after being completely hopeless in that leadoff spot, what does Macha do? BAT HIM LEAD OFF AGAIN THE NEXT DAY.

There is no forgiving rape and there is definitely not any forgiveness for child molesters, but batting Corey Patterson leadoff? ABSOLUTELY NO FORGIVENESS.

Fire this idiot.

Oh. Yeah. Forgot about that. Well..

Suck it Macha!

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