24
May 11

Thanks a lot, a-holes

Hey everyone, check out this really cool promotion the Brewers are doing:

Beginning at 7 a.m. TODAY, fans may pick up one of the 1,000 ornaments that line Milwaukee's Lakefront Parks, including Veterans Park, McKinley Park, Bradford Beach and Lake Park!

Over 1,000 lawn ornaments, without prizes, have been placed and will be available along Milwaukee's lakefront along Lincoln Memorial Drive from Veterans Park leading north through Lake Park. Beginning at 7 a.m., fans may come to these Milwaukee County Parks to pick up their very own Bernie Brewer ornament, compliments of the Brewers.

With the assistance of the award-winning Milwaukee County Parks and other Wisconsin-based parks, Brewers fans across Wisconsin will have an opportunity to win unique and valuable prizes by participating in the "Where's Bernie?" scavenger hunt.

In preparation for Spring Madness, Bernie Brewer has been hard at work. Bernie has already planted over 1,400 Bernie Brewer lawn ornaments across the state. Four hundred of the lawn ornaments have special prizes attached, and have been placed in parks throughout the 5-county metro Milwaukee area as well as in parks in Madison, Appleton, and Green Bay.

That sounds awesome! Man, too bad I don't live in one of the participating areas I would have gone to try and get one of those things. That lawn ornament would look great in front of the door to the basement at my mom's house.

Huh? What's that, tristarcoop? Continue reading →


20
May 11

The day the Madness died

Yeah, Braun got hurt last night and that'd be real bad, the Brewers are "not clutch", can't hit on the road and they are left out of interleague play like the wheelchair kid in kickball. I don't care. This is what I want to write about because it's the saddest news of the day.

When people discuss the difference between professional wrestlers, the opening match comedy acts or the middle of the card technical wrestlers or the main eventers, the difference between them is always referred to as the "it" factor. That something about someone that makes you want to watch them. The ability of the performer to keep your eyes on them and draw your attention to whatever it is they are doing at the moment. It's something that is extremely hard to define, but when someone has it you just know. Hulk Hogan, despite being one of the worst in-ring performers of all time, had it. Steve Austin had it. The Rock had it. Even John Cena, despite the chorus of boos he receives from the diehard fans, has it. That special "IT" is what sets apart the wrestlers from the stars and the stars from the legends.

If I were asked to give an example of everything that ever epitomized what "IT" was I wouldn't be able to tell you what qualities that person might have, how they might sound or what they might look like. I would only give you one specific example that would sum up all you needed to know about the "IT" factor and that example would be the Macho Man Randy Savage. He had IT more than any wrestler of his or any generation. When he wrestled, you watched. When he talked on the microphone, you listened. It did not matter where his place on the card was or whether he was currently aligning himself with the babyfaces or the heels, whatever Randy Savage was doing was important. In a way Randy Savage just didn't have "it", he was "IT". Continue reading →


16
May 11

4 Things for the Brewers to avoid on their 4 game road trip

The Milwaukee Brewers open up a strange four game road trip today in Los Angeles. The Brewers will play two in Los Angeles and then two in San Diego before returning home Friday when they will be like "aww man, I want to go back to California."

The Brewers are 6-2 over their last 8 games and finally pushed themselves past the Pirates in the standings, but still remain two games under .500. For the Brewers to continue to push themselves towards the top of the NL Central and an expected playoff birth they need to play well in this small West Coast swing. It won't be easy. The Padres have some great pitching and the Dodgers are a baseball team.

Beyond baseball there are a lot of distractions that come with a West Coast road trip. There's beaches and clubs and movie stars and Disney Land, it's rough out there. For the Brewers to have success on this road trip they need to avoid all distractions. That's why we've put together this list of the four biggest threats facing the Brewers on this road trip and why they need to avoid them. Continue reading →


11
May 11

EXCLUSIVE: Pathetic loser’s demands for Fielder’s 200th homerun ball

In exciting Brewers news Prince Fielder hit his 200th career homerun today in a terrible loss against the Padres. The milestone homerun should be the first of many for Prince Fielder this season. He will tie Cecil Cooper for 4th on the Brewers all time list and should make it all the way to number two by the time the season ends.

As if the loss wasn't bad enough, the historic homerun lost some more of it's luster when it was caught by Milwaukee's resident ballhawk, The Happy Youngster (real name Nick Yohanek). The child impersonator is well known among the ballhawk community and gained national scorn when he produced a list of demands for then Florida Marlins' rookie Chris Coghlan on his first career homerun ball. The Marlins' star eventually got his ball, but admitted that Yohanek was a real douchebag about it.

"He wasn't the most polite or respectful guy about the whole process," Coghlan said Thursday. "He told me he goes around a lot and catches these balls and holds them for ransom — even though he doesn't say that he does, it seems that way."

While Yohanek identifies himself as a Brewer fan (despite most Brewer fans wishing he wouldn't) he is not above holding a Milwaukee Brewer for a similar ransom. It is just what he does and Prince Fielder is no exception. The Youngster has submitted his list of demands to the Brewers and thanks to some well placed connections within the Milwaukee Brewers organization we have obtained a copy of those demands. You won't find this anywhere else. This is a 100% Miller Park Drunk exclusive. Find the shocking list of demands after the jump. Continue reading →


09
May 11

Go see Zack Greinke dummies Brewers vs Padres series preview [ad]

This past week has SUCKED. All these losses, people getting hurt, Zack Greinke's debut killing my fantasy team, Nyjer Morgan lasting like one at bat before going back on the DL, Christian losing the title, Craig Counsell's Superman at-bat being wasted, Mark Kotsay playing in real games, having my tooth pulled costing four hundred dollars, pink bats and everything else have led to one of the more disappointing weeks in recent Brewers memory. (Note: My recent Brewers memory stopped at some point in 2009.)

None of that matters now. All of those bad things, the Brewers current record and everything that happened before today does not matter. As far as I'm concerned the season starts tonight with the Miller Park debut of Zack Greinke. His arrival is the reason we believed in this team, the reason people picked the Brewers for the World Series and the reason we never gave up on them despite the fact that the frickin' Pirates have a better record than them right now. Tonight is the night that it all begins. Forget Opening Day, this is the real beginning of the season. Continue reading →

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