I have this friend named John. He is a HUGE Brewers fan and so is his dad. In fact, his dad is such a big Brewers fan that John most likely wouldn't exist if it wasn't for the Brewers 1982 World Series run. You see his parents had sex after one of the games and she got pregnant and later John was born. This kind of thing happens all the time. By my estimation I wouldn't exist if it wasn't for
alcohol the series premiere of The Greatest American Hero. (You should see the way my mom cries when she hears "Believe It Or Not".) With the Brewers set to make another run toward the World Series love is definitely in the air. Our "sex in a stadium bathroom" post has been getting record hits over the last week, Bonnie Brewer outfits are completely sold out from the fetish shop I go to and even Al's Ramblings is talking to girls now. The playoffs are here, love is all around us and it is only natural that babies are going to be made as a result.
Of course, having a baby is a big decision that should not be entered into lightly and you should use caution and make bla bla bla because it's something that will affect you for the bla bla bla of your bla bla bla. Who cares!? Really. The Brewers are going to the World Series! You're going to be together with whoever you are with now forever! And you'll name your baby Rickie Prince Ryan Park Drunk Gallardo (your last name)! Everything is going to work out fine! BREWERS!!!!!
Look, you people who are going to do this you know who you are. If you're going to do this then just do it. I make mistakes that will change the rest of my life forever all the time, but if you're going to do this you need to do it right. You can't just rush into this thing, you need a gameplan. You need me to show you the way to make a Brewers playoff baby the right way. In fact, let's do that right now. Read the rest of this entry »
THE PLAYOFFS ARE HERE! And you know what that means... PLAYOFF BEARDS!
I shaved for the last time yesterday and I am not shaving until the Brewers win the World Series! YEAH! PLAYOFFS!!!!!!!
Some of my other blogging pals have already started on theirs. Tyler Maas has been working on his for awhile, Jack Moore of Disciples of Uecker started his when he hit puberty (last summer) and plenty of my bros on twitter are going to be doing the same. Playoff beards are in this year. It's the cool thing to do if you want to appear really dedicated to your favorite team, look stupid and not be attractive to women all at the same time.
The Brewers are most likely to join in because that's the sort of thing that professional athletes do. Some Brewers, like Prince, already have beards, but others don't. Sometimes it's really hard to picture someone with a beard if they have never had one before. Facial hair is just one of those things that is hard to predict, but I don't like that. I hate the feeling of not knowing. So I did what any blogger in my situation would do. I hired those people who tell you what your baby is going to look like before it is born and I gave them a bunch of money to tell me what a few of my favorite Brewers would look like with facial hair. Seemed perfectly reasonable at the time.
The suprising results are after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »
Everyone keeps saying that we should enjoy this time as Brewers fans because no matter what happens this has been a great season. Many Brewers team records have been set this year, they won their first division since 198-freaking-2 and we have a strong chance of seeing our best player win the MVP award.
The regular season shows you who the really good teams are and the playoffs are about luck. If you are a Brewers fan, this is the best time to be alive and every single game is one to be cherished. NO MATTER WHAT. Or at least that's what my even-keeled alter ego would have you believe.
You see today I am not going to be that guy. Today I am going to be your fears personified. I am going to be just as reactionary, judgmental, doubtful, non-believing and fire Ron Roenicke-y as your average Brew Crew Ball
editor commenter. (jokes!) Joining me as the voice of reason will be the illustrious Tyler Maas, fresh off a trip to the Vietnamese sweatshop where his slaves employees make his fresh Forward Fabrics t-shirts.
(We started this a few days ago so sorry that some of this is irrelevant.)
MPD: As of right now the Brewers look like they are going to face the Braves in the first round. They can probably beat the Braves, right? I mean, they have better hitting and better pitching and better defense, but we can beat them. (I THINK!?) I'm not worried about the Braves. We kicked them out of Milwaukee and replaced them with the Brewers for a reason.
My question for you Tyler is, what are we going to do if the Brewers end up facing the Phillies? How could we possibly beat them? I saw these regular season games a couple of weeks ago where the Brewers lost 3 out of 4 and they did not look like they could beat the Phillies in those three games that they lost! Has a team ever been eliminated after game 1 before? Is this the year that it happens? Is there any way we can just forfeit the series so everyone can get their playoff ticket money back?
I am writing this update from my seat on a United Airlines flight to Costa Rica. I would normally be sleeping at this time, but I have a fear about being incepted so I am writing this update instead. This past weekend, specifically Friday, has been one of my favorite weekends of all time Brewers-wise. I had chills up and down my spine watching Braun's homerun, I was fighting off tears (because tears are totally gay unless you are watching a Pixar movie) when the confetti started to fall and all I wanted to do all weekend long was celebrate. Every shot I took was dedicated to the Brewers and for that reason there were many of them. I started up conversations with complete strangers just to talk about the Brewers. I didn't care if they even liked baseball, I just want to say the same thing over and over again. THIS IS AWESOME THIS IS AWESOME THIS IS AWESOME
It was probably the happiest I've ever been as a Brewers fan which surprised me actually as I wrote on my tumblr Friday night:
Three years ago I was there on the night that they clinched. It’s a place, a time and a memory that I will never forget and wish I could re-live over and over forever. It’s the greatest baseball game I’ve ever been to.
Tonight may have been better and I only watched it on TV. With no sound.
I love the Milwaukee Brewers.
But that's really how I feel. This is amazing. I would argue that this is not only the best Brewers team I've ever seen, but the best Brewers team ever. Gallardo and Greinke, despite their flaws (mainly not throwing a strike in 0-2 or 1-2 counts thus increasing their pitch counts and exiting early), can dominate any team at any time. When they are on, they are unhittable. Wolf and Marcum don't have what those two have talent-wise, but they are amazing nonetheless putting up everything the Brewers needed from them and then a little bit more. Ryan Braun is obviously a huge stud and should finish his career as the greatest Brewer ever, but Fielder, Hart and Weeks are right there with him as four of the top 60 hitters in all of baseball. (btw, this is why we can afford to have Yuni in the lineup and wait out another Casey McGehee slump.) The bullpen has been great and John Axford is unbelievable. There is no greater feeling as a baseball fan than the supreme confidence you get when your closer comes in with the lead and you just KNOW you are going to win. It's just like it was with Hoffman last year, only the exact opposite. I truly believe the Brewers are going to win the World Series with this group of guys right here. Doesn't mean they will, just means that I believe this is the greatest opportunity they've ever had.
No matter what happens I am going to cherish every single moment I've had this season. I only went to a couple games this year and I've written less than ever, but I've watched probably 80-90% of the games and I've never once lost hope. I knew since the day I did the Zack Greinke dance that this was the year and I never once stopped believing it. This is the most important playoff run of my lifetime. So, why am I on a plane to Costa Rica right now?
Costa Rican hookers.
Because I'm an idiot. Well, work actually, but still. The truth is when I booked this trip I didn't bother to look at the playoff schedule and now find myself in a position where I am going to be gone until game 4 of the NLDS (if necessary) and that's not even including the potential time I'll miss from a Lost-esque island plane crash. (Note: I hope this doesn't happen. I don't see one Iraqi soldier or hot convict on this flight.) This kills me. It causes me physically pain to write about it. I don't want to get called into Ben's office and have him show me World Series footage, I want to be there for the rally on Thursday and at the first home playoff game in three years. I want to experience each and every moment of this playoff run, have crazy parties in the parking lot before the games, not miss a single out of a single game and blackout after the losses. (Who am I kidding? I want to black out after the wins too.) I want to live it. Instead, I'll be sitting at a beach bar in tropical Costa Rica this weekend watching the games on TV. #humblebrag
Am I seriously complaining right now? Is this the most white whine post in MPD history? No, of course not. This trip is a necessary trip in my personal development and it could end up being a very lucrative thing for me. Which would be great for all of us. (Forward Fabrics for everyone!) I am happy to get out of Wisconsin for a little bit and spend some much needed time in the sun. I'm excited to exchange my money because every time I do that I feel like a millionaire. A dollar is like 10,000 bucks down there. I can't wait to meet someone who doesn't speak English who talks to me in Spanish and be all like "lol im american bro idk wtf u sayin" This trip is a good thing. I'm pumped.
The point I would like to make is that it doesn't matter where we are. This site has readers from all over the state and all over the country. Do I think the Milwaukee-area fans are bigger fans than the ones located in California? No way. You don't have to be at Miller Park for any of these games to be apart of it. We are all apart of it. Despite missing out on the atmosphere at the ballpark I will still be living and dying with every pitch. I'll probably still black out after the losses, only here I might have my kidneys stolen. I will still be on here and on twitter and everywhere else. I'll still be the same guy with the same feelings and the same opinions only I'll be doing it
high on sweet South American cocaine from another country. It doesn't matter where we are, let's do this thing.
Besides, I'd rather go to the NLCS anyway.
Seriously though, how freaking awesome is this? Over the weekend there is going to be a bunch of guys shooting bubbly liquid all over each other's faces and hugging in a drunken embrace. No, I didn't plan a Pants Party and forget to tell you guys about it; the Brewers are going to clinch! GET EXCITED!
Now some of you are probably like "no way man the Cardz are so hot right now and we are the sux were gonna lose and then get eliminated in game 1 of nlds", but to people like you I say SHUT UP. You are stupid and don't understand math. The Brewers need two wins or one win and one Cardinals loss or two Cardinals losses. This shit is going to happen.
- This is the Marlins new logo. Are you serious bro? If I was on that team I would totally not try.
- They can't even spell Logan Morrison's name right. You think he's going to want to hit homeruns for them? Oh, and he filed a grievance against the team. Can you say mailing it in?
- THE BREWERS ARE FRICKING AWESOME AND DON'T YOU EVER FORGET IT
- Hanley Ramirez isn't playing. Can you name any other Marlins besides Logan Morrison and Mike Stanton? I'll wait.
- Gallardo and Greinke in games 1 and 2. One of them is bound to strikeout 11 Marlins.
- Ryan BrauMVP. RyaMVP Braun. Something.
- Miller Park is like viagra for the Brewers bats.
- The number is two! Dos! 2! Deux! Another foreign language word for two!
We are going to the playoffs! Who's growing playoff beards with me?
(A complete playoff preview is coming next week with a very special guest. Until then we party.)