Archive for October, 2011

Sup, Drunks?

Site October 31st, 2011

Just imagine the cupcakes are potentially humorous Brewers tidbits.


Figuring one of every six Miller Park Drunk posts of late were either co-written by me or mentioned me, I finally set aside my fear of rejection last Friday and asked Vince, left, if I could be taken in as the second MPDer. Fortunately for me, he complied.

"But who is this 'Maas' author?" you ask with feigned surprise. Before I officially tag myself into this ring of dick jokes, halfassed Photoshops and obscure pop culture references, I thought I'd formally introduce myself and help prepare you for what you'll get from me.

Who am I?
You know, I feel like that's a question to which there's really no true answer (I'm kind of deep!). But if forced to narrow it down to a few bullet points, I'm a Sagittarius. We're known for our lack of astrological knowledge. Beyond that, I'm a Milwaukee-based professional writer... in the absolutely loosest sense of the term. I liken my writing as a living to how Jack Wilson is technically a professional baseball player, except that I've never had the ability to trick a mismanaged organization into overpaying me. My mismanaged organization pays me exactly what I'm worth.

You probably know me from...
Writing those few sentences above this. I sincerely doubt any of you know who I am. Don't get me wrong, it's not because you guys aren't learned and well-versed people. Rather, I am just that unknowable. I'm like the Nearly Every Baseball Blogger Ever of baseball blogging notoriety. However, that's not to say I haven't tried to build my brand. I cut my teeth with the now-defunct Brewers blog Right Field Bleachers. I write over half the Brewers-related content at The Onion-affiliated websites The A.V. Club Milwaukee and The A.V. Club Madison. I contribute content (primarily music and some Brewers stuff, when possible) to Milwaukee Magazine, too. I also (hardly ever) write for Boston-based baseball blog Bugs & Cranks.

You may have also heard of my new Wisconsin sports-themed T-shirt company Forward Fabrics and my, like, never updated pizza blog Doctors Of Za, where I write under the handle "T. Mario."

What to expect from me.
I've loved the Brewers for roughly 21 of my 26 years. The missing annuals were my first five, when I was either a clueless, drooling piece of shit and/or not aware that anything that wasn't a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle or one of my own boogers existed. Still, I think that's a pretty honest and admirable assessment of my Brewers fandom. Thus, I am able to produce obscure names like Jesse Levis, Jody Reed, Turner Ward and Rocky Coppinger to serve as the mortar to bind the bricks that are my contemporary Brewers takes. I sponsored Tim Dillard's Baseball-Reference page waaaaay before it was cool (Estimated date of it being cool to sponsor Tim Dillard's Baseball-Reference page: Never). I'm also certain that I'm one of two people responsible for John Axford using "New Noise" by Refused as his entrance music in save situations. This heavy metal magazine agrees. In short, I care deeply about the Brewers.

Hopefully, I'll be able to help bring well-thought, well-written and funny posts to the site. They'll be in the vein of Vince's humor and writing, except without the pictures of that dog in the lobster costume. I don't know what that's about. I also swear a lot more often and have been known to overuse parenthesis (like, a lot). If this all goes correctly, Miller Park Drunk will be a better site with more updates, Vince will get more visitors/ad revenue, I'll sell more shirts and we'll all get our dicks wet and our pussies (consensually) jammed. I mean that last part figuratively, of course.

And maybe--JUST MAYBE--we'll share a few laughs along the way.


The Brewers lost: How They’re Handling It

milwaukee brewers October 20th, 2011

Are you over the Brewers elimination yet? I know I'm not. Last night was the first game 1 of the World Series I didn't watch in my entire life. Seriously, I used to turn off Sesame Street to watch that sh-t. I didn't even gamble on it! I just want to pretend it doesn't even exist. It's a weird feeling being this depressed for this long, but I'll be over it eventually. It's like breaking up with someone really. Only if when you broke up with them you knew you were going to get back together in a year, you could check in on them whenever you wanted, they were going to make changes to make themselves better and that neither of you were going to see anyone else for the whole time you were apart. So, you know, the complete opposite of what every girl who has ever broken up with me does.

Still, it's good to know I am not alone in this. Plenty of other Brewers fans have been feeling this same sense of loss and pain. It's good to be together through this, isn't it? Glad you're here. Couldn't do this without you. What's even better to know is that the Brewers themselves are going through some of the same depression that we are and thanks to my standing as the Milwaukee area, baseball specific TMZ I have the pictures to prove it. As you'll see the funny thing about depression is that no two people handle it the same way and the Brewers are no different. Read the rest of this entry »

The Brewers lost: Baseball is stupid

milwaukee brewers October 18th, 2011

An argument I've made many times before on this blog is that a single week of games doesn't matter as much as the entire season does. When the Brewers had their "horrible" weekend where they lost 3 out of 4 to the Phillies many Brewers fans were panicking and assuming that this team was not good enough to compete in the playoffs. Remember that? Here is what I wrote then:

Remember when the Brewers won 22 out of 25? Did you think that was going to be forever? Teams have winning streaks and they have losing streaks, it's a part of baseball. Sometimes it's because the pitching stinks, sometimes it's because the hitting sucks and sometimes it's just because they get outplayed and maybe run into some bad luck. That's what this was, that third thing. Get over it. We're going to the playoffs.

And they did and it was fun for a little while.

The Brewers won 96 games during the regular season which makes them the 2nd best team in the National League and tied for third best team in all of baseball. They were the best team in the National League Central and there will be a sign going up that says "2011 NL Central Champions" which is something that nobody else can do next year. Those are a huge, huge accomplishments and they are reason alone to celebrate. That says more about this Milwaukee Brewers team than any single week of the season possibly could and that includes this past week.

The Brewers won 6 more games than the Cardinals during the regular season. They were the better team all season long and the record books will always show that. Then the Cardinals got into the playoffs because the Braves fell apart and they beat us in the NLCS. It sucked, but the playoffs do nothing to show us who is actually better. It just shows who won more games during that week and that is why baseball is stupid. Read the rest of this entry »

The Brewers lost: WTF RRR

milwaukee brewers October 17th, 2011

A lot can be said about Ron Roenicke's handling of the Brewers in the 2011 NLCS. I'm sure that much of it will key in on his stubborn decision to start Shaun Marcum in game 6 despite all signs pointing to that not working out very well. Some people will argue that it should have been Gallardo in this spot and that we could have just "figured it out" for game 7 and that is a good, popular argument. I am not here to make that argument.

Baseball is not a game of small sample sizes. Shaun Marcum should not be judged by his last two starts and Ron Roenicke had every reason to believe that the "real" Shaun Marcum would pitch in this game. Did I believe that myself? Absolutely not. I think Marcum has pitched too much this year and his arm has simply had enough. It's clear to me watching him that this is the case (the way he struggles, the way he avoids hitters), but nobody seems to want to acknowledge it. Or at least Ron Roenicke didn't. So much of being a baseball manager is "having faith in your guys" or some crap like that and in this case it screwed us, but Shaun Marcum starting this game is not what lost this game. (And no, it wasn't the defense either.) What lost us this game was this:

  • Top of the third. 6-4 St. Louis.
  • Narveson gives up a homerun to Pujols, obviously.
  • Berkman's stupid face grounds out.
  • Matt Holliday single.
  • David Freese double. F this guy so hard, btw.
  • Yadier (sweet neck tat, brah) Molina intentional walk.
  • Punto sacrifice fly.
  • LaTroy Hawkins enters the game.

I am not going to bore you with charts or WPA or whatever else, but let's be absolutely clear about this: THIS WAS THE GAME. To put it simply the Brewers scored six runs in this game and by the time the Cardinals scored number seven this game was over. Runs 8-12 did not matter. They sucked, but they did not matter. It was this and only this that decided this baseball game. It'd have been nice not to give up 4 in the first or another in the second, but that didn't kill us. This sequence did. It was the most important sequence of the game and Roenicke blew it. Read the rest of this entry »


milwaukee brewers October 14th, 2011

And this is why we don't overreact to losses.

Before yesterday's game it seemed like the Brewers, losers of two in a row, were done. Who cared if it was a seven game series? The team that goes up 2-1 wins the series most of the time! AHHHWEARESOSCRWED ITS OVER But it wasn't because of one man. Randy Wolf walked in yesterday and it was WRITTEN IN THE STARS as he turned in the best playoff start of his career and saved the Brewers season. I love it.

Randy Wolf isn't the best Brewers pitcher in any category really. He doesn't strike people out like the other guys, he gives up more hits and walks than the other guys and he can't dominate like the other guys. He just goes out there with a game plan and pitches his ass off. He lives and dies with every pitch. He's not going to dominate anybody because that's not his job. His job is to eat up some innings and put the team in a good position to win. He does his job very well and yesterday it changed everything. I love him.

I don't know what's going to happen tonight or after that. We keep hearing that Zack Greinke's "peripheral stats" point to him being better than he has pitched, but that doesn't change the fact that he has been getting rocked. Can Good Zack Greinke show up? Just once? We're about due for him. We could really use him about now. No pressure or anything.

And then? And then? I don't know, man.