I'll let that sink in for a moment for my female readers.
(flips through a magazine)
(looking at my non-existant watch)
(asking if you're alright in there)
Alright, we good? Good.
Ryan Braun is engaged to Larisa Fraser, his model girlfriend of a couple of years now. We know this because the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel employs numerous who employees who have close personal relationships with Brewers players that give them scoops on everyth- hahahaha. I'm just playing. We know this because one of the Busted Coverage dudes reads her "food and modeling" blog. (Seriously, that's a real thing.) You guys may remember Busted Coverage as the site that replaced Front Row Amy with another girl with looks for a game that wasn't even on TV. Cool, I guess.
Anyways, they broke the story and Ryan Braun is ENGAGED TO BE MARRIED. This is the most devastating news to Wisconsin females since your mom found out Brett Favre was texting to d-pics to another woman. We here at Miller Park Drunk wish Ryan Braun the very best in his engagement and hope that they make each other very happy. I've seen her nipples in pictures and she seems like a great woman, I hope you two are very happy together.
Unfortunately, not everyone in Wisconsin is as happy for the future Mr. and Mrs. Braun-Fraser as we are. There are actually a lot of really sad, really angry people out there that don't wish the best for the happy couple. This is unfortunate, but as a news website and the best Brewers blog in the world it is not our job, but our duty as Americans to take these opinions and report on them. So here are some of the most popular opinions going around the web about the pending Braun-Fraser nuptials. Continue reading »
Despite what Tyler Maas said the other day, how awesome is it that the season is over? I AM SO HAPPY! No more dreaming of impossible scenarios that won't happen, no more Brewers bullpen doing Brewers bullpen thing, no more Cardinals, no more Barry Zito, no more MLB Betting, no more Prince Fielder used to be a Brewer and no more stupid teams in the stupid World Series. I'm glad it's all over and I am ready to move on to my favorite time of the year: free agency!
The great thing about free agency is that everyone is interesting. Alex Gonzalez is a slightly above average shortstop in the declining phase of his career, but when they signed him last year it felt like they were getting Cal Ripken Jr. (The young bald shortstop version, not the older bald third base version.) Free agency has a way of filling us with hope and making us believe that whatever dude we just signed is going to be the key to our championship season.*
*= Unless that signing is Eric Gagne, Jeff Suppan, Jason Kendall, Doug Davis or any of the other sucky assholes this team has brought in over the past few years.
With the free agent FrEnZy set to begin I thought we should take a look at who the Brewers may or may not get. This isn't meant to be a predictions post because my name is not Doug Melvin, but is instead a handy guide for any Brewers front office staff who might be reading this to gauge our feelings on any potential signings. Last season was the worst (and then briefly the best, but mostly the absolute worst) and I don't want to go through that again. You have to get this one right. Don't mess this one up, guys. No pressure.