24
Jul 14

Let’s Git R Dunn

Yesterday Mark Reynolds hit two homeruns and showed why he was one of the best free agent acquisitions of the offseason. Now, I know that you're probably thinking "Best acquisitions of the offseason? Are you high? Let me get some of that sweet weed you're on, brother", but hear me out.

Last season our first basemen were Alex Gonzalez and Yuniesky Betancourt. Those two combined with everyone else who started there were historically one of the worst first basemen in the history of baseball. ANYONE over them was an upgrade. Every day that Brian Anderson doesn't have to say "Yuniesky Betancourt" on the air is worth at least ten bucks. On top of that, Corey Hart turned down a big money offer from the Brewers to sign with the Mariners and then this happened:

Corey Hart

G PA R H 2B 3B HR RBI SB BB BA OBP SLG
50 203 14 38 7 0 5 19 2 15 .210 .291 .331

Mark Reynolds

G PA R H 2B 3B HR RBI SB BB BA OBP SLG
84 317 36 57 6 0 16 36 5 35 .207 .300 .402

That's what I call the bomb dot com. Or at least what I would have called it if I was a cool day four years ago. Thank you Corey Hart for taking your ugly ass tattoos, the money and running. I'll take Mark Reynolds all day. (I'll also take that $100 my friend Sam bet me on this very outcome. Thank you very much.)

Reynolds has been exactly what I've wanted him to be and a nice upgrade over what came before, but that doesn't mean I'm satisfied with him. Before yesterday he was hitting .199. He's not any kind of answer. He's just "not Yuni" and he hits a lot of homeruns. I will always love him for that, but I think it's time we did something that has the potential to both turn the Brewers into true NL Central favorites AND start a war within the fanbase. I think it's time for the Brewers to trade for Adam Dunn. Continue reading →


22
Jul 14

Which 2014 Milwaukee Brewer Are You?

Are you a Gomez? Or a Braun? Do you relate to K-Rod? Or think Will Smith is just like you? Well, it's time to find out. Take our quiz:

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17
Jul 14

The Best And Worst of the Milwaukee Brewers First Half

It's a semi-annual feature, the Best and Worst of the Milwaukee Brewers first half! The first half of the season is done so it's time for us to once again steal the Best and Worst format from With Spandex and cover the good, the bad and the ugly of the Brewers first half.

But before we get into that, I need to remind you that the Miller Park Drunk Pants Party aka The Greatest Tailgate Party Of The Summer is coming up in just ten days. Strangely, there are still tickets available and we would really like for you to come. Tickets include a game ticket, beer koozie, commemorative cup, all-you-can-eat delicious tailgate food and all-you-can-drink beer/strawberry, jalapeno and watermelon infused margaritas/more. We are grilling up brats, bringing back the brat pizza from last year and doing NY-themed meatball sandwiches. It's going to be good. The game is 7/27. You can get four tickets for $120. All you need to do is show up and watch the Brewers beat the Mets. You will have the time of your life. Do it. (And if you can't go you can at least buy a koozie pack.)

The Brewers are in first place so this should be easy, right? Everything is a best! It is the greatest season ever! We are cruising into the playoffs! Right? Right?! Continue reading →


11
Jul 14

Everything Is Not Awesome

The Brewers just got swept by the Philadelphia Phillies. It's hard to saw which one was more unbelievable: the one where they gave up seven runs in the eighth inning, the one where Lyle Overbay hit a grandslam and they blew a 5-1 lead in the SECOND inning or the one where Roberto Hernandez pitched a three hitter. I'm going to go with the Overbay one because I was there and I did this:

brewersgamegif

On top of that, the Brewers have now lost 9 out of 10 and have only a two game lead over the Cardinals who just so happen to be coming to town for a three game series starting tonight.

Everything is not awesome. Everything is not cool when you're following this team. Continue reading →


08
Jul 14

10 Things You Can Sue The Brewers For $10 Million Over

In case you don't read the Courthouse News Service while enjoying your breakfast tea and beignets everyday like I do, a big story out of New York is that a man is suing the Yankees, MLB and ESPN because they showed him asleep on television. And then they did this:

ESPN focused its cameras on him, Rector says, and then "Announcers like Dan Shulman and John Kruck unleashed avalanche of disparaging words against the person of and concerning the plaintiff. These words, include but not limited to 'stupor, fatty, unintelligent, stupid' knowing and intending the same to be heard and listened to by millions of people all over the world ..."

 

jtcryBut that's not all. They also said these more specific hurtful things:

 "Plaintiff is a fatty cow that need two seats at all time and represent symbol of failure.
"Plaintiff is a confused disgusted and socially bankrupt individual.
"Plaintiff is confused individual that neither understands nor knows anything about history and the meaning of rivalry between Red Sox and New York Yankee.
"Plaintiff is so stupid that he cannot differentiate between his house and public place by snoozing throughout the fourth inning of the Yankee game."

googoodolls

"Plaintiff is so fat he sat on an iPhone and turned it into an iPad.
"Plaintiff is so fat he also is suing X-Box 360 for guessing his weight.
"Plaintiff is so stupid he went to the dentist to get his Bluetooth fixed."

And on and on and on. There is a lot of hurt in there and while I don't doubt Rector's claims (or his feelings) I have to throw a bit of shade on the lawsuit. I mean, ten million? For that? I can think of way worse things that baseball has done to me that deserve money more than this. Continue reading →

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