Miller Park Drunk

So you say that you are sick of me? Well, I am sick of you too! You say that you want this "stunt" to be over? Well, I want your stunt to be over!

Look dudes I got better things to do than sit around on my computer and clickity-clack on the keyboard about baseball all day. I could go out and, you know, SLEEP WITH WOMEN. I am not a nerd blogger like you guys living in your moms basement. I like to go out and drink and sleep with chicks and update my fantasy team. I like to drive my BMW with the top down listening to Soulja Boy as loud as it goes. I could be shopping at American Eagle right now instead of writing on this stupid blog. I could be drinking a dub rum d (double rum and diet to the uninitiated) at a strip club getting a lap dance right now. Instead I am writing on the internet about baseball? No thanks. Baseball is dumb anyways. I prefer football. Not only that, but I have the best fantasy team ever this year. Check out my roster. Read the rest of this entry »

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I don't know about you guys, but I LOVE the t-shirts they sell outside of a Cubs game. I can just sit there and read them and laugh all day long. Except that they don't allow drinking on the street so I just take a quick glance at them and go inside the bar. Anyways there are a lot of excellent ones out there and I just wanted to show you my top 5 so you know which ones to buy me. )

1. 
   Fukudome has kinda been a letdown, but this shirt still makes me laugh every time.
2. 
   Some people prefer the "Pujols mows Wrigley" shirt, but I think this one is perfect. Ozzie just looks like he mows lawns.
3. 
   I don't know what I love more about this shirt, the fact that it exists or the fact that I am able to buy it.
4. 
   Because sausage is another word for penis lol.
5. 
   Get it? Pujols, POO HOLES? HAHAHA.
   Best. Shirt. Ever.

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My summer home in Lake Geneva

I have been a Cubs fan all my life ever since the day my mom dropped me off at my dad's and he sat me down in front of the TV when I was two years old and told me to stop crying and watch the Cubbies. I watched Harry Caray that day and I thought "I wish this guy was my dad." (KIDDING POPS!) I was hooked from the start. Since then I have attended numerous Cubs games both at Wrigley and in Milwaukee. Yet every time I have gone to Milwaukee and every time I have written for this website, I have been hated. WHY?

I don't get it. I have been going to Wisconsin my whole life. We have a summer home in Lake Geneva. We spend money at your restaurants. We pay your parking tickets. We go to your ballpark and we sell the place out. Then we stay in your crappy hotels (can a brother get a Drake Hotel?) and eat at your crappy restaurants (oooh fried cod, how original). Yet when we show up at the game we get shit on. What did we ever do to you? Besides, you know, be better than you at baseball. Read the rest of this entry »

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I don't know about you guys, but I'm starting to think the Cubbies got a pretty good shot at the postseason. I haven't looked at the standings lately, but the Cards have to be scared right?

What better way to celebrate last night's victory than in COMIC STRIP FORM? Featuring the artist from Miller Park Drunk's last comic strip.

(click for full size)

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Well, yesterday I promised you a very special guest writer today and here he is, HARRY CARAY!!!!!! Also, follow me on twitter!

Hello again everybody and welcome to the Miller Park Drunk game preview of the, uh, Cubs and Brewers live from, uh, Wrigley Field. *coughs* Lemme tell ya, being dead is tough business. Ho lemme tell ya. It a beautiful day for baseball here at Wrigley Field and the Cubs look to win their second straight against the Milwaukee Brewers. Boy could I go for another cold Budweiser right now, Steve. I remember one time we were in Milwaukee when I was announcing for the White Sox, lemme tell ya I had one too many Budweisers and I woke up in a place that,  uh, I couldn't even pronounce the name of but it had those two, uh, those two dots over a couple of the letters and the worst part about it was I had no pants on! Holy cow. I much prefer to sleep in my own bed, but I guess that's what happens when you take a pill given to you by a stranger. Speaking of strangers, Steve, this woman came up to me that night and she told me she was a big Cubbies fan and then grabbed my package. She says to me, she says "Harry" and I said, "yes" and she says "is that your package in my hand?" and I looked her straight in the eye and says to her I says "It could be. It might be. It is!" I'm just pulling your chain there Steve. Man am I glad I was dead for that Bartman thing.

Hopefully the Cubs can get a win tonight and send some of these fans home happy. You know what makes me happy? Those Asian massage parlors, ho-ly cowww. Let's get some runs!

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