08
Apr 11

Chicago Cubs season preview

The season is just around the corner here and the Milwaukee Brewers are currently one of the favorites in the NL Central, but that doesn't mean it's a sure thing. There are still five other teams that want the title who will be fighting for it all season. Do they have a shot? That's what we're going to find out as we work with fans from other teams to figure out how everything is going to play out and exactly what it is we're dealing with. That's right it's the 2011 NL Central Previews!

Today's Guest: Chad Trixie aka Wrigley Field Drunk

SUP BROS and BRO-ETTES?

It's been awhile, but I couldn't let a Chicago Cubs season preview be written at this god forsaken site without me being a part of it. I know the way that d-bag editor of this site likes to do things, but not on my watch pal!

Before we get to the Chicago Cubs I'd like to talk about myself for a moment. You see, a lot has changed since you last heard from me. For one, I got married. A beautiful girl from Deerfield named Trixie. Yeah, I know, Trixie Trixie crazy right? We met at a bar (where else?) and had this one really awesome night. We did like six or seven Jager bombs and then I drove her home to my place where we got freaky. I lasted like ten minutes, it was awesome. Then I didn't see her for three months and she ends up calling me out of the blue talking about how she wants to get back together and how I was the best lover she ever had and how she wants her kids to look like me and how, oh by the way, she's pregnant. So I was like "oh I like you too" and "are you sure it's mine?" And she's like "of course, you're the only one I've been with" and I was all like "pssh yeah right", but eventually it all worked out and we got married. It was a pretty sweet wedding. Not as good as the bachelor party which was frickin' bonkers, bro. (Four words: triple lapdance in Vegas. INSANE.) The honeymoon was all right, but would have been a lot better if she wasn't all fat and shit. I mean I know it's like my baby in there, but do some situps or something. Jeez.

Yeah so anyways, married with one on the way. Crazy right?

I haven't really had that much time for the Cubs with all this stuff going on. Most of my free time is spent at the titty bar or just drinking with my bros. When I'm home Trixie always wants to watch Dancing With the Stars or American Idol and I'm not really with that. We do watch Jersey Shore together, natch. GTL bro! I've just really been into the Bears and the strike and everything, really. I went to the Bears/Seahawks game in January and me and my bros totally beat this Seahawks fan's ass. It was awesome. But I talked to a couple of my bros about the Cubs and they told me some things, so here's my preview of the Cubbies 2011 season. Continue reading →


16
Mar 10

CUBBIES SEASON PREVEIW

So I know what I said before about never coming back, but I just couldn't help myself when it comes to the 2010 Cubbies. The Cubs are too damn good NOT to write on the internet about! This Is The Year. Plus, I couldn't stand the thought of that douchebag Vince writing some stupid crap like "we don't think the Cubs are that good this season". Hey buttface, it's only you! There is no we! 'We' would imply you had friends, which you don't.

Before I get to the Cubs, I want to say a few things about some of the things that have been going on at this god forsaken site lately.

  • I don't see what everyone's problem with Ryan Braun's restaurant hiring good looking people. We do this in Chicago all the time. You know why? Because if we hired a fat girl to work at Giordano's she'd eat all the pizza!
  • Here's something I actually agreed with, the Opening Day post. I love Opening Day because I can go down to Wrigley Field about 8am and start doing Jager bombs. I usually get so drunk I totally miss the game, lol. One time my boy Danno got so wasted he got thrown out of the bleachers. That's like getting arrested in jail. Classic. I never miss Opening Day.
  • You people in Milwaukee have some crappy tattoos. You need to get some cool barbed wire around your muscle like me. You'd probably have to stop eating cheese and actually work out to do that though. NEVERMIND!
  • Finally, this pro wrestling post may be the most pathetic thing I've ever seen. What's next, MPD? What Star Trek characters are Brewers? What Dungeons N Dragons guys are Brewers? What Brewer would be the best at World of Warcraft? Way to show your nerd colors, nerd.

Enough of this stupid Brewer talk because the BREWERS SUCKKKK!. Let's talk about a real baseball team. Let's talk about YOUR CHICAGO CUBBIES! Continue reading →


16
Sep 09

You’re sick of me? No, I’m sick of YOU!

So you say that you are sick of me? Well, I am sick of you too! You say that you want this "stunt" to be over? Well, I want your stunt to be over!

Look dudes I got better things to do than sit around on my computer and clickity-clack on the keyboard about baseball all day. I could go out and, you know, SLEEP WITH WOMEN. I am not a nerd blogger like you guys living in your moms basement. I like to go out and drink and sleep with chicks and update my fantasy team. I like to drive my BMW with the top down listening to Soulja Boy as loud as it goes. I could be shopping at American Eagle right now instead of writing on this stupid blog. I could be drinking a dub rum d (double rum and diet to the uninitiated) at a strip club getting a lap dance right now. Instead I am writing on the internet about baseball? No thanks. Baseball is dumb anyways. I prefer football. Not only that, but I have the best fantasy team ever this year. Check out my roster. Continue reading →


16
Sep 09

Top 5 t-shirts to buy outside of a Cubs game

I don't know about you guys, but I LOVE the t-shirts they sell outside of a Cubs game. I can just sit there and read them and laugh all day long. Except that they don't allow drinking on the street so I just take a quick glance at them and go inside the bar. Anyways there are a lot of excellent ones out there and I just wanted to show you my top 5 so you know which ones to buy me. :))

  1. horrykow
    Fukudome has kinda been a letdown, but this shirt still makes me laugh every time.
  2. ozziemowsmylawntshirt
    Some people prefer the "Pujols mows Wrigley" shirt, but I think this one is perfect. Ozzie just looks like he mows lawns.
  3. fudgepackers
    I don't know what I love more about this shirt, the fact that it exists or the fact that I am able to buy it.
  4. brewers_suck_sausage
    Because sausage is another word for penis lol.
  5. pooholes
    Get it? Pujols, POO HOLES? HAHAHA.
    Best. Shirt. Ever.

16
Sep 09

Why do you guys hate me (us) so much?

My summer home in Lake Geneva

My summer home in Lake Geneva

I have been a Cubs fan all my life ever since the day my mom dropped me off at my dad's and he sat me down in front of the TV when I was two years old and told me to stop crying and watch the Cubbies. I watched Harry Caray that day and I thought "I wish this guy was my dad." (KIDDING POPS!) I was hooked from the start. Since then I have attended numerous Cubs games both at Wrigley and in Milwaukee. Yet every time I have gone to Milwaukee and every time I have written for this website, I have been hated. WHY?

I don't get it. I have been going to Wisconsin my whole life. We have a summer home in Lake Geneva. We spend money at your restaurants. We pay your parking tickets. We go to your ballpark and we sell the place out. Then we stay in your crappy hotels (can a brother get a Drake Hotel?) and eat at your crappy restaurants (oooh fried cod, how original). Yet when we show up at the game we get shit on. What did we ever do to you? Besides, you know, be better than you at baseball. Continue reading →

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