Better Know Your Brewers: The Coaches

It's spring training for the players right now, but it's also spring training for some of the fans. Get caught up and get all your questions answered in Miller Park Drunk's Better Know Your Brewers feature. It's like a casual guide for the casual fan. Today's feature is the coaching staff.

MANAGER: Ken Macha
DEFINING CHARACTERISTIC: Lame duck.
2010 CHALLENGE: Get Brewers to the playoffs.
ODDS OF SUCCESS: Medium.
MADE UP FACT YOU NEED TO KNOW: He thought he could fool us by changing one letter, but Macha is actually made from paper mache.
INTERESTING FACTS THAT ARE TRUE: Macha holds a first degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do. In his free time he enjoys golf and turkey hunting.
THING TO YELL IF HE SUCKS: "Hey Maccarena, aaahai!"

BENCH COACH: Willie Randolph
DEFINING CHARACTERISTIC: Former Mets manager led them to one of the worst collapses in major league history in 2008, opening the door for the Brewers to win the Wild Card. I'm convinced that he was hired purely for karmic reasons.
2010 CHALLENGE: Trying to look interested for the 161 games Ken Macha doesn't get thrown out of.
ODDS OF SUCCESS: Low.
MADE UP FACT YOU NEED TO KNOW: When someone asks him how old he is, he says "17" and then after a dramatic pause says "for a while". MLIT!
INTERESTING FACT THAT IS TRUE: Has a daughter named Ciara who is not the recording artist.
THING TO YELL IF HE SUCKS: "RANDOLLLLPHHHH!!!!!"

FIRST BASE COACH: Ed Sedar
DEFINING CHARACTERISTIC: Does handshakes with players as they come to first base, especially Corey Hart.
2010 CHALLENGE: Stay out of the way of foul balls.
ODDS OF SUCCESS: Extremely low.
MADE UP FACT YOU NEED TO KNOW: Went to the same high school as my dad. (Wait, that one's true!)
INTERESTING FACT THAT IS TRUE: A big Montgomery Gentry fan.
THING TO YELL IF HE SUCKS: Come on, he's a first base coach. What could he possibly do to suck?

THIRD BASE COACH: Brad Fischer
DEFINING CHARACTERISTIC: Ummm..ahh....
2010 CHALLENGE: Don't send people when he's not supposed to, send people when he is supposed to.
ODDS OF SUCCESS: Exactly even.
MADE UP FACT YOU NEED TO KNOW: Huge Keller Williams fan.
INTERESTING FACT THAT IS TRUE: Once said this about the legendary Bill Martin: "Billy saw me and said, 'Great year, kid. Where do you want to manage next year?' I said I had heard of an opening in Madison, Wisconsin. He said, 'The job's yours.' ... I was just glad he remembered it the next day.
THING TO YELL IF HE SUCKS: "Classic Brad Fischer!"

BATTING COACH: Dale Sveum
DEFINING CHARACTERISTIC: Took over for Ned Yost in 2008 and took the team to the playoffs, only to be replaced by Ken Macha in 2009. Ken Macha! I could see if they replaced him with an outside the box thinking manager, but they replaced one nondescript paint-by-numbers white guy with another one. This has to burn at him.
2010 CHALLENGE: Getting something, anything out of Carlos Gomez.
ODDS OF SUCCESS: Low.
MADE UP FACT YOU NEED TO KNOW: Married his wife because of her close resemblance to Nurse Ratched.
INTERESTING FACT THAT IS TRUE: Favorite movie is "One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest".
THING TO YELL IF HE SUCKS: "Hey Dale, I thought you were supposed to Sveum how to hit!"

BULLPEN COACH: Stan Kyles
DEFINING CHARACTERISTIC: Is a bullpen coach.
2010 CHALLENGE: Coaching the bullpen.
ODDS OF SUCCESS: High (if the bullpen does well) or Low (if the bull doesn't do well).
MADE UP FACT YOU NEED TO KNOW: Before becoming a bullpen coach, he dreamed of being a bullpen coach.
INTERESTING FACT THAT IS TRUE: Is a bullpen coach.
THING TO YELL IF HE SUCKS: "Hey Stan Kyles, nice bullpen coaching!"

PITCHING COACH: Rick Peterson
DEFINING CHARACTERISTIC: He does things differently than most everyone else and when it succeeds he looks like a genius. Believes that pitching is related to not only skill, but also both mental and physical conditioning. Calling him the Phil Jackson of baseball with worse hair is not far off.
BONUS QUOTE THAT SUMS HIM UP: From Doug Davis:

"He's a good communicator, from what I hear, he likes to talk," Davis said. "... I've only seen him, obviously, on the opposing team, so I know he likes to go out there and talk to you on the mound and I guess he's really touchy-feely, puts his hands on your back and stuff like that. We used to count it ... like how many times do you think he's going to touch him this time?"
2010 CHALLENGE: Making the pitching staff respectable is the job he was hired to do, but his real challenge is turning Manny Parra into... something.
ODDS OF SUCCESS: Cloudy with a chance of walks.
MADE UP FACT YOU NEED TO KNOW: His true dream is to turn the entire pitching staff into half-robot, half-human cyborgs. He's not that far off.
INTERESTING FACT THAT IS TRUE: Yes, that is his real hair.
THING TO YELL IF HE SUCKS: DON'T YOU DARE YELL ANYTHING, HE IS OUR ONLY HOPE! DON'T PISS HIM OFF!

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Vince Morales is the guy who runs this site. He likes the Milwaukee Brewers, pro wrestling and beer. If he offended you he is very, very sorry.

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