Hey, just because the season is over and the Brewers aren't able to hang out doesn't mean that they don't talk every once in awhile. In fact, I have it on good authority that a few members of the team get together every month and engage in a conference call just to catch up on what's going on with their lives. What a team of great guys! Being THE inside source for Brewers clubhouse news I was allowed to sit in on the latest clubhouse conference call and transcribe it for you gentle readers! Get excited!
|Yo, is everyone here?|
|You darn tootin' I'm here.|
|Yeah, I'm here. Why the heck you got so many zeroes in the phone number? Took me darn near ten minutes just to dial the number?|
|Qué quieres decir?|
|Craig's got one of dem dere rotary phones.|
|What the hell is a rotary phone? Is that like a Motorola or something?|
|Las personas mayores son estúpidos.|
|You got that right, good buddy.|
|Okay, this should be everybody. Let's get started.|
|Oh shit you're right, where is Brauny?|
|YO ARE YOU GUYS THERE?!
/Soula Boy plays loudly in the background
|I'M IN THE CAR RIGHT NOW DRIVING WITH THE TOP DOWN. I AM GOING TO LA TO SHOOT A REMETEE COMMERCIAL WITH JON SALLEY AND THE GUY WHO PLAYED OGRE IN THE REVENGE OF THE NERDS MOVIES!|
|I SAID AWESOME! TURN DOWN YOUR MUSIC!|
|I KNOW I LOVE SOULJA BOY TOO!|
|Alright let's just move on. What's everyone else been up to? Anything exciting?|
|Me comuniqué con mi esposa e hija.|
|Really? That's great!|
|Sí, les envió una carta que decía: SUCK IT|
|I have been healthy for like, a really long time, not even a cold or nothing!
|Man, I took my wife to see that movie Blind Side and I ain't cried like that since my momma useta whip me. I always thought that dere Sandra Bullock was just a typical Yankee snob, but she really showed her true colors in that movie. I give it two thumbs up, heck I'll give it four if you count my toe thumbs.|
|I know! After seeing that movie I got half a mind to get me a colored boy for my wife for Christmas.|
|When I was growing up we owned a few coloreds. My mom would always say "stop feeding them scraps from the table, they got their own food", but I would say "Momma, one day President Lincoln is gonna free these folks and when that happens we need to be their friends, not their enemies."|
|Jesús, ¿cuántos años tienes?|
|Sorry Alcides no hablo Ingles. I've been having a great offseason. I recently re-signed with the Brewers for TWO THOUSAND dollars! I told my wife she just might get that prairie dress she's had her eye on for Christmas afterall.|
|HANG ON GUYS I GOT ANOTHER CALL!
/pushes 3 key
YO THE SITUATION WHAT'S UP BRAH!?
|WRONG LINE RYAN!|
|FO SHO, BRAH, FO SHO. TELL SNOOKIE WHATS UP FOR ME. AIGHT PEACE, BRAH.
SORRY GUYS, THAT WAS MY AGENT. WHAT YOU ALL WANT FOR CHRISTMAS?
|A John Deere tractor, but I'd settle for going to see that Blind Side movie again. I wish Sandra Bullock was my momma, hot dog!|
|The same thing I have wanted for the past 17 years. A triple cheeseburger.|
|Dos chicas al mismo tiempo.|
|Wow, that's really noble of you Casey.|
|I JUST REMEMBERED I AM JEWISH AND THEREFORE DON'T CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS. I AM GOING TO PRAY THAT I NEVER GET CAUGHT UP LIKE TIGER THO, FOR REAL.|
|I don't have to worry about that, my stupid ass wife barely lets me leave the damn house. Oh crap, this is being recorded isn't it? I MEAN, I LOVE MY WIFE VERY MUCH AND SHE IS THE BEST THING TO EVER HAPPEN TO ME. THERE IS NOWHERE I'D RATHER BE THAN HOME WITH HER AND THE KIDS.|
|I'd hate to get caught up with a Tiger, that's a vicious animal right dere. I reckon it's 'bout the third most dangerous animal behind a lyger and Bigfoot.|
|Remember that TV show, Harry and the Hendersons? Now that's why I call comedy.|
|Boy, you like comedy you should check out Jeff Dunham's show. Who knows what them damn crazy puppets gonna say next!|
|I LIKE DANE COOK!|
|JORGE LOPEZ, POR LA VICTORIA!|
|Hey guys I think we should wrap this up.|
|Yeah, we all remember that time Prince and Manny started talkin' bout comedy.|
|LET'S ALL SAY SOMETHING WE ARE THANKFUL FOR. I AM THANKFUL FOR REMETEE, SOULJA BOY, THE BREWERS AND MIKE CAMERON. HE WAS A GREAT TEAMMATE AND A GOOD INFLUENCE ON OUR TEAM. I WILL MISS HIM VERY MUCH.|
|I'm thankful for my wife, my kids, good grits, not being traded and that Blind Side movie. Dang, that movie was so good! I took my kids to go see it, but before we left I told them they had to dress up for it like we was going to church or Wal-Mart.|
|I'm thankful for all the gifts the Lord has given me including eternal life that I may play forever as the Brewers backup infielder and inevitably be forced into more playing time than originally intended at the beginning of the season.|
|I'm thankful that 2010 will be the year that I am not the one responsible for that happening.
/loud crashing noise, sounds of Rickie screaming
|Patilla las mujeres blancas.|
|Wow, I could not have said it better if I tried. You really know how to get to the core of me Casey.|
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