Brewers conference call
Posted by Vince Morales
Hey, just because the season is over and the Brewers aren't able to hang out doesn't mean that they don't talk every once in awhile. In fact, I have it on good authority that a few members of the team get together every month and engage in a conference call just to catch up on what's going on with their lives. What a team of great guys! Being THE inside source for Brewers clubhouse news I was allowed to sit in on the latest clubhouse conference call and transcribe it for you gentle readers! Get excited!
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Yo, is everyone here? |
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Si. |
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/grunts |
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Yep, yep. |
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You darn tootin' I'm here. |
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Yeah, I'm here. Why the heck you got so many zeroes in the phone number? Took me darn near ten minutes just to dial the number? |
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Qué quieres decir? |
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Craig's got one of dem dere rotary phones. |
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What the hell is a rotary phone? Is that like a Motorola or something? |
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Las personas mayores son estúpidos. |
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You got that right, good buddy. |
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Okay, this should be everybody. Let's get started. |
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/grunts |
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Oh shit you're right, where is Brauny? |
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YO ARE YOU GUYS THERE?!
/Soula Boy plays loudly in the background |
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I'M IN THE CAR RIGHT NOW DRIVING WITH THE TOP DOWN. I AM GOING TO LA TO SHOOT A REMETEE COMMERCIAL WITH JON SALLEY AND THE GUY WHO PLAYED OGRE IN THE REVENGE OF THE NERDS MOVIES! |
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Awesome. |
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WHAT!? |
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I SAID AWESOME! TURN DOWN YOUR MUSIC! |
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I KNOW I LOVE SOULJA BOY TOO! |
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Alright let's just move on. What's everyone else been up to? Anything exciting? |
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Me comuniqué con mi esposa e hija. |
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Really? That's great! |
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Sí, les envió una carta que decía: SUCK IT |
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I have been healthy for like, a really long time, not even a cold or nothing!
/sneezes |
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Man, I took my wife to see that movie Blind Side and I ain't cried like that since my momma useta whip me. I always thought that dere Sandra Bullock was just a typical Yankee snob, but she really showed her true colors in that movie. I give it two thumbs up, heck I'll give it four if you count my toe thumbs. |
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/grunts |
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I know! After seeing that movie I got half a mind to get me a colored boy for my wife for Christmas. |
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When I was growing up we owned a few coloreds. My mom would always say "stop feeding them scraps from the table, they got their own food", but I would say "Momma, one day President Lincoln is gonna free these folks and when that happens we need to be their friends, not their enemies." |
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Jesús, ¿cuántos años tienes? |
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Sorry Alcides no hablo Ingles. I've been having a great offseason. I recently re-signed with the Brewers for TWO THOUSAND dollars! I told my wife she just might get that prairie dress she's had her eye on for Christmas afterall. |
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HANG ON GUYS I GOT ANOTHER CALL!
/pushes 3 key YO THE SITUATION WHAT'S UP BRAH!? |
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WRONG LINE RYAN! |
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FO SHO, BRAH, FO SHO. TELL SNOOKIE WHATS UP FOR ME. AIGHT PEACE, BRAH.
SORRY GUYS, THAT WAS MY AGENT. WHAT YOU ALL WANT FOR CHRISTMAS? |
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Color TV. |
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A John Deere tractor, but I'd settle for going to see that Blind Side movie again. I wish Sandra Bullock was my momma, hot dog! |
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The same thing I have wanted for the past 17 years. A triple cheeseburger.  |
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Dos chicas al mismo tiempo. |
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/grunts |
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Wow, that's really noble of you Casey. |
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I JUST REMEMBERED I AM JEWISH AND THEREFORE DON'T CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS. I AM GOING TO PRAY THAT I NEVER GET CAUGHT UP LIKE TIGER THO, FOR REAL. |
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I don't have to worry about that, my stupid ass wife barely lets me leave the damn house. Oh crap, this is being recorded isn't it? I MEAN, I LOVE MY WIFE VERY MUCH AND SHE IS THE BEST THING TO EVER HAPPEN TO ME. THERE IS NOWHERE I'D RATHER BE THAN HOME WITH HER AND THE KIDS. |
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I'd hate to get caught up with a Tiger, that's a vicious animal right dere. I reckon it's 'bout the third most dangerous animal behind a lyger and Bigfoot. |
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Remember that TV show, Harry and the Hendersons? Now that's why I call comedy. |
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Boy, you like comedy you should check out Jeff Dunham's show. Who knows what them damn crazy puppets gonna say next! |
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I LIKE DANE COOK! |
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JORGE LOPEZ, POR LA VICTORIA! |
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Hey guys I think we should wrap this up. |
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Yeah, we all remember that time Prince and Manny started talkin' bout comedy. |
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LET'S ALL SAY SOMETHING WE ARE THANKFUL FOR. I AM THANKFUL FOR REMETEE, SOULJA BOY, THE BREWERS AND MIKE CAMERON. HE WAS A GREAT TEAMMATE AND A GOOD INFLUENCE ON OUR TEAM. I WILL MISS HIM VERY MUCH. |
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I'm thankful for my wife, my kids, good grits, not being traded and that Blind Side movie. Dang, that movie was so good! I took my kids to go see it, but before we left I told them they had to dress up for it like we was going to church or Wal-Mart. |
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I'm thankful for all the gifts the Lord has given me including eternal life that I may play forever as the Brewers backup infielder and inevitably be forced into more playing time than originally intended at the beginning of the season. |
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I'm thankful that 2010 will be the year that I am not the one responsible for that happening.
/loud crashing noise, sounds of Rickie screaming |
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Patilla las mujeres blancas. |
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/grunts |
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Wow, I could not have said it better if I tried. You really know how to get to the core of me Casey. |
Casey is my new favorite charecter. Well done MPD
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stuff like this is why I come here weekly, drunk.
/grunts
Hilarious. Too bad Wickman or Gantner aren’t on the team any longer. Then you could have multiple ///grunters.
Yovani didn’t make the cut? What gives?
_Cody_