It seems that these trade candidates can't stop talking about the Brewers. Jarrod Washburn, Doug Davis and Erik Bedard all made their case. Now, Cliff Lee wants a chance to talk.

Cliff Lee

Last season I had the best season of my entire career. I led the league in wins, ERA, ERA+ and won the Cy Young award. My ERA was 2.54. I was pretty lights out, but honestly I was pitching out of my mind.

Last year the Brewers were pretty good and they made a trade for my teammates CC Sabathia. After becoming a Brewer he pitched even better than I did last season posting a 1.65 ERA. He was basically the greatest pitcher in the history of all time (as a Brewer) last season.

With those things in mind I just want to ask you one favor: Please, for the love of GOD, don't trade for me. Seriously, don't. Please, please, please, please don't.

If I was a Brewer everyone would immediately expect me to perform like CC did last year. I can't do it. I can't throw 7 complete games and 3 shutouts in only 17 starts. Are you nuts? That's insane! Who could do that? Did you know that two seasons ago I got sent down to the minors? I was 28 years old! What kind of 28 year old gets sent down to the minors? A bad one, that's who. Trust me, I'm damaged goods. I don't even have a cool sounding name. Cliff Lee, that name sounds like an alcoholic furniture salesman. God, my name is so lame. You won't even be able to come up with clever signs, "Cliff Lee ya later"? STUPID! I am so lame.

Look, I want to show you something.

cliff lee's family

That's my family right there. (Yes, that's my wife. Yes, I know she looks 14. Yes, I named my son Jaxon. No, I don't have a good excuse at to why.) Look at those kids. Cute, right? You want them to have a good life don't you? I'm going to be a free agent soon. My next contract is likely going to be my last contract. My last shot to make the kind of money that they never have to worry about anything again. If I go to the Brewers, it could all fall apart. I could crack under the pressure and end up a non-roster invitee to the Pirates. Do you think those kids want to live in Pittsburgh? Nobody does. Give these kids a chance at a better life and don't trade for me. You won't regret it. I suck. It's like my manager Eric Wedge always says "I coached CC Sabathia, I knew CC Sabathia. CC Sabathia was a friend of mine and you sir are no CC Sabathia." You don't want me, you want him and I can't be him. So let's just forget this whole thing, okay?

It's not like you guys could afford me anyways.

Vince Morales is the guy who runs this site. He likes the Milwaukee Brewers, pro wrestling and beer. If he offended you he is very, very sorry.

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10 comments on “Cliff Lee says please for the love of god do not trade for me

  1. Pingback: Ohio Baseball Report: Indians Should Keep Cliff Lee, Reds and Dusty Baker Prepare for Key Road Trip

  2. Anonymous on said:

    This is what Cliff really said: “I don’t want to go to Milwaukee because I saw what happened to CC when he went there last year. They had NO starting pitching last year and he HAD to go out and pitch like 200 innings in 2 months, and well we saw what happened to him come playoffs. He was worn out and leaving balls up and getting rocked by the Phillies. So yea you’re right, I can’t do it, so I’ll just go to Philly- because I won’t have to be the man. Oh and I’ll probably win a world series, or 2 or 3. Thanks.”

  3. Anonymous on said:

    Good job however wrote this. He’s pitching lights out in the Play-offs and your still just a little fag likes cock. Brewers suck even more cock than you, which is quite the accomplishment. Cliff would say “congrats to that”!

  4. Anonymous on said:

    fucked up to look back on this one. and look at the guy jockin you over it.

  5. Anonymous on said:

    haha the brewers what a team ya got there. Lets go phils!

  6. Anonymous on said:

    You were so right about Cliff Lee. He totally sucks.

    Go Rangers!

    Yankees must fall.

  7. Anonymous on said:

    Cliff Lee, Making History With The Rangers. GO BREWERS!!!!!!

  8. Anonymous on said:

    Cliff, can you please sign with the Mets? I want you to come to NY I think it would be a good boost for out team.

  9. Anonymous on said:

    I love Cliff Lee. Stay with the Rangers and you will get your wishes. all the best, the Hoffmanns

  10. Anonymous on said:

    So I take it you will not have Lee on your fantasy team huh?

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