Thanks a lot Ryan Braun, now I’ll never get laid

Ryan Braun and his ex-girlfriend

Great. This is just what I fucking needed. The same fucking day that I FINALLY work up the courage up to ask this cute temp Lauren out on a date and get fucking DENIED because she's "just coming out of serious relationship and needs some me time" whatever the FUCK that means, Ryan Braun decides to break up with his girlfriend and announce it on Kiss fucking FM. Fuck you Ryan Braun. Why didn't you just come to my work during lunch break and do it?

Are you fucking kidding me? You think that just because you're some good looking baseball player with his own clothing line that you can just hog all the hot chicks in Milwaukee? Is that what you fucking think? Because I have something to tell you, SOME girls aren't into all that. SOME girls aren't into your stupid fucking t-shirts. SOME girls aren't into your tongue wagging and showboating. SOME girls like guys like me, guys they can talk to about their feelings who won't try things on the first date. SOME girls want a guy who they can tailgate with who out drinks all his friends, not some asshole who is friends with A-Rod. Why don't you fucking call back the Bachelor or something? Why do you have to steal all the girls from regular guys like me? Guys like me who pay your fucking salary asshole!

I mean, Jesus fucking Christ, this has been like the worst week ever. The thing with Lauren was one thing, but then I asked for this other girl's phone number who I met at a Brewers game and she had a fucking boyfriend. If you had a fucking boyfriend why were you flirting with me the whole fucking game? I would have had like six more beers and three more brats plus some cheese fries if I knew you had a fucking boyfriend! For fucks sake. I guess I just don't fucking get why this keeps happening to me. No matter what I do I can't seem to get laid. I mean, I'm a nice guy! I'm sensitive! I'll watch Grey's Anatomy with you and I own like every Jason Mraz CD! The other day I bought She's Just Not That Into You On-Demand just so I had something to talk to Lauren about at work. We see how fucking good that worked out. I just want someone to talk to! Someone to fucking care about! It's not enough that I have to compete with all these assholes who work out and have a drivers license, I also have to compete with Ryan fucking Braun? Fan-fucking-tastic. Why don't you just kick my dog while you're at it? Thanks a lot Ryan Braun, now I'll never get laid. Asshole.

[RightFieldBleachers]

Vince Morales is the guy who runs this site. He likes the Milwaukee Brewers, pro wrestling and beer. If he offended you he is very, very sorry.

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27 comments on “Thanks a lot Ryan Braun, now I’ll never get laid

  1. remetee douchewear on said:

    1. I doubt Braun dips into the local “talent” pool here. At least not for gf material.

    2. Girls (most of em) don’t like pussies. Errr nice guys. They say they do…but they really don’t. Not saying anyone has to be a total dick but you can’t be entirely that nice, will do anything guy. It just doesn’t work.

  2. Anonymous on said:

    Wow you sound a little hopeless when it comes to women. Why don’t you try and ask some single girls for their number? And just by the tone of that rant, you are not the nice guy you claim to be. Chill out before you hurt yourself or someone else.
    -Citizens Bank Park Drunk

  3. Anonymous on said:

    The comments make the blog itself even more funny.

  4. rick on said:

    Doesn’t “Lauren” know about your awesome blog? That would be much more impressive than your jason mraz collection. Ha ha.

  5. Anonymous on said:

    first off, I call Ryan Braun my girlfriends boyfriend and i have to take it while she stairs at him all dreamy eyed when he gets up to bat, (she’s not one of those country-girl-I-love-JJ types, thank god.

    and two, if you are having girl issues, Just watch Swingers. Everything seems to get better after you watch Favreau call the chick like 12 times in a row. You realize you don’t suck at life that much, and for some reason when you watch it, you just feel like money.

  6. Anonymous on said:

    Swingers=chick flick for guys who don’t realize they’re watching a chick flick

  7. Anonymous on said:

    “No matter what I do I can’t seem to get laid. I mean, I’m a nice guy! I’m sensitive! I’ll watch Grey’s Anatomy with you and I own like every Jason Mraz CD! The other day I bought She’s Just Not That Into You On-Demand just so I had something to talk to Lauren about at work. We see how fucking good that worked out. I just want someone to talk to!”

    YOU KNOW HOW I KNOW YOUR GAY?

  8. The Happy Youngster on said:

    Even I think that’s pathetic!

    Ha ha.

  9. SconnieGirl808 on said:

    Yeah, the comments definitely take this entry to “genius” level.

  10. Anonymous on said:

    You watch Greys Anatomy? Wow.

  11. Anonymous on said:

    LOLOLOL! MPD, if you think liking Jason Mraz is what it takes to get a girl, you have a lot to learn!!

  12. Anonymous on said:

    I’d date you, MPD. Just saying.

  13. Anonymous on said:

    I also would date you, MPD.

  14. Anonymous on said:

    I also would date you, MPD, as well. (Me three would probably be easier)

  15. Anonymous on said:

    your a douche bag, im 14 and can already get laid!

  16. Anonymous on said:

    You’re 14 and you get laid? I’ve got T-shirts older than you. When I was 14 I spent a lot of time in my room ruining tube socks. I suggest you do the same so I don’t have to see some lil pube on maury with peach fuzz on his lip talking about how he’s a man.

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  21. Anonymous on said:

    dude fyi ryan braun is one fucking hott dude that im sure does have feelings sooo you should just lay the fuck off!!!!

  22. Anonymous on said:

    i love ryan braun and jason mraz woo

  23. Anonymous on said:

    Is there still one (1) person in their right mind who doesn’t realize Ryan is homosexual? Biiiiig secret. I mean biiiig. The biggest thing after the caramilk mystery… c’mon! I think he plays it str8 but it’s no mystery. And last time I heard from them, he was with the same guy for like 12+ months. Big deal. (yawning)

  24. Anonymous on said:

    wow, pathedic! why dont you just move on? so, you had a bad week. getg over it! everybody goes through it. and trust me, there are other parakiets in the pet store!

  25. Anonymous on said:

    Come on!!!!!!! All we want is to fuck something! And the drunker we are the uglier it can be.

  26. Anonymous on said:

    Seriously..get a life. Just because you got denied by one too many girls, move on. Try something new. Obvously they don’t like you. Find someone that does.

  27. Anonymous on said:

    RYAN BRAUN IS AWESOME

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