I never want to hear Hell’s Bells again

Last night I watched the Milwaukee Bucks come back from a double digit deficit in the fourth quarter to steal game 5 in Atlanta, breaking a 14 game home winning streak for the Hawks and setting the Bucks up to close the series out Friday in Milwaukee. Despite them being down I never stopped believing that they could win and they proved me right.

Yesterday during the day I had the same feeling except it was the exact opposite. Sitting in my seat at Miller Park with the Brewers leading our hated rival Pirates 4-3 in the bottom of the eighth I prayed for runs. I'm not a religious man, I once told someone that I was sick of Jesus c-blocking me all the time, but I still got down on my knees and prayed for a four run lead. Why? I didn't want to hear Hell's Bells. I didn't want Trevor Hoffman to come in for the save. I wanted Suppan or Vargas, anyone but Trevor.

In 2009 "Hell's Bells" was the best time you could have at a Brewers game. In 2010 it sends people heading for the exits with their heads down. It makes an optimistic fan like myself break a cheese fries helmet and try to slit his wrist. Except it's not really fear. I wasn't afraid that Trevor Hoffman would blow the save, I knew Trevor Hoffman would blow the save. Not only did I know that he would blow the save I knew how he would do it too, I knew he'd give up a homerun. Probably to the first batter of the inning. What happened? Well, he gave up a homerun to the first batter and blew the save. Of course he did and it was at that moment that I realized I never want to hear "Hell's Bells" again in my life and that I think I hate Trevor Hoffman.

In the middle of the ninth I asked my friends if he even deserved the music in the first place. Shouldn't you have to lock down a couple saves before we make a big deal about you coming in for a save? And after a few blown saves shouldn't we just take the music away? I mean, in the state of Wisconsin if you get a DUI they take your license away and you can't get it back for awhile. Losing a baseball game is much more serious than drinking and driving and should have similar consequences, right? And at one point does AC/DC intervene? I think I'm getting to the point where I don't even want to hear "Thunderstruck" or "Shook Me All Night Long" ever again either. Anything associated with Trevor Time is disgusting to me and I don't want it in my life anymore. You hear me AC/DC? You hear me numbers 5 and 1? You hear me goatees? You're all dead to me. I want Trevor Hoffman to take his crap and get the hell out of here and never come back.

I guess the question is, is there anything we can do? What can we do to fix this? How can he make this right? Honestly, much like my ex-girlfriend would tell me there is no going back and there is no fixing this, this is broken and it will never be like it was and by the way I'm seeing someone else. It's over. I am past the point of ever trusting Trevor Hoffman again. He's burned me too many times to make this right. I just don't care anymore and I don't need the excuses. Maybe he needed more spring training? Maybe that sign in left field is distracting him? (This is the stupidest argument I've ever heard, by the way.) Maybe he's injured? Maybe he's 42 years old and it's the end of the line? I don't care.

The problem is that Trevor Hoffman throws 86 MPH fastballs. If he's "off", he sucks and people hit the ball a long way. He needs to be "on" all the time otherwise the Brewers lose. The dark cloud of him starting to be "off" has been hanging over us ever since he signed and now it's starting to rain, pouring homeruns all over us. Some could probably say "I told you so", but that doesn't change the fact that as of right now Trevor has thrown 8 innings, given up 12 runs and allowed 5 homeruns. He sucks. Oh yeah, and we're paying him eight million. Good times.

People have been complaining about the Brewers start and I keep saying that they are only a couple of games under .50o and it's too early to worry and bla bla bla, but just remember that if Trevor Hoffman does his job the team's record is 12-9 and nobody is complaining. Things could look a hell of a lot better than they do right now if we didn't have to worry about Trevor Hoffman. Enough is enough.

Turn that music off, I don't want to hear it anymore.

Vince Morales is the guy who runs this site. He likes the Milwaukee Brewers, pro wrestling and beer. If he offended you he is very, very sorry.

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11 comments on “I never want to hear Hell’s Bells again

  1. Pingback: Daybreak Doppler: Fear the Deer Indeed « PocketDoppler.com - A Wisconsin Sports Blog

  2. Anonymous on said:

    PREACH.

  3. Anonymous on said:

    If there’s anyone you should hate it’s Melvin. He’s compiled this age-ridden roster. Everyone loves to talk about this team being young, but when your catcher’s 38, your closer 42, three of your big-salary pitchers are older than 33, Counsell is 59, Hawkins, hell, why not just suit Dale Sveum up? It’s one thing to have veteran leadership, quite another when those leaders take a dump on the field almost every night.

  4. Anonymous on said:

    Are you retarded? Zaun was signed as a one year part timer (sharing with Kottaras, who is I believe 27 and a former top prospect with the Padres/Red Sox getting another shot), and in fact he was probably one of the two best free agent catchers around anyhow (that says more about the shallowness of the pool, though). Next year Lucroy or Salome will start, and Lucroy is 23 and Salome is 24. I didn’t like the Hoffman signing because I hate closers but he had just had a tremendous year and Melvin felt like it’d be a bargain again. Counsell played real good last year, his first above average offensive season in a decade, and this year he is doing well again while playing superb defense. In his prime, remember, he was a gold glove shortstop.

    Hawkins xFIP is fine, he’s just suffered from bad luck so far. I didn’t like that signing either, because I don’t like multiyear deals for most relievers, but it’s not exactly terrible. Thank Melvin for giving us Braun, Fielder, Weeks, Gallardo, and Hart (yeah, I said it) rather than bitching about how we have like three players above age 38. FYI, the Brewers had the first lineup in seventy years where every play but one was under age thirty (Weeks/Hart/Braun/Fielder/McGehee/Gomez/Zaun/Escobar/Gallardo).

  5. CountyStadiumDrunk on said:

    Manny, there’s a song by the brilliant performer Nobunny that would be the perfect theme song for Hoffman. It’s called “You’re Not That Good.” But I don’t want that hack to ruin the song for me, so let’s keep it to ourselves, shall we?

  6. Anonymous on said:

    Shouldn’t you have to lock down a couple saves before we make a big deal about you coming in for a save? REALLY MPD REALLY!?!?? 594

  7. Anonymous on said:

    i think i might know this county stadium fellow.

  8. CountyStadiumDrunk on said:

    You wish…..

  9. Zach on said:

    Trevor Hoffman is the best. End of discussion…

  10. Anonymous on said:

    At least LeTroy “firestarter” Hawkins makes Trevor Hoffman look good.

    Way to go Melvin— you fucking suck.

  11. Pingback: Miller Park Drunk | Chris Capuano tells a good comeback story

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