BREAKING NEWS: Macha tests positive for Ambien

MARYVALE, Ariz. -- In a story that is sure to rock the baseball world in the same way that Ron Washington's recent positive test for cocaine has, it has been revealed that Brewers manager Ken Macha has tested positive for the prescription sleep drug Ambien.

Hours after the news broke Macha admitted that he made a "huge mistake" and regrets anyone he may as hurt in his matter. He said, simply, "It's not my fault. It's these damn kids with their rock 'n' rollin music, drinking and carrying on that is keeping me up all night. I remember when a good night's sleep started when the sun went down. It's not like that anymore and I did what I had to do."

While not currently considered a PED, Ambien is still a powerful insomnia drug that is known to put it's users right to sleep. It is not currently suspected that Macha used the drug during any games, but judging by the Brewers 80-82 record last season some skeptics remain.

When reached for comment Texas Rangers outfielder Josh Hamilton said his situation and Macha's bore no resemblance.

"The only time I took Ambien was after a three day coke binge where I couldn't fall asleep and I couldn't do any more cocaine (because the dealer wasn't returning my calls). As far as I'm concerned Ken Macha taking Ambien to fall asleep at 7:30 on a Saturday night bears no resemblance to my situation."

Commissioner Bud Selig, as well as Brewers owner Mark Attanasio, have said that Macha would face no punishment for his use of Ambien and that he will start the 2010 season as the Brewers manager. "Ken Macha is a hero," said Selig "I know what it's like living in Milwaukee with all those drunk people. I mean, they're so loud. Don't they work in the morning? It's about time someone stood up for themselves and got to bed at a decent hour."

In addition for testing positive for Ambien, tests showed high levels of Ovaltine in Macha's blood. Brewers general manager Doug Melvin said that while the Ambien did not bother him, the Ovaltine did.

"Why do they call it Ovaltine?" Melvin said. "The mug is round. The jar is round. They should call it round tine."

Vince Morales is the guy who runs this site. He likes the Milwaukee Brewers, pro wrestling and beer. If he offended you he is very, very sorry.

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2 comments on “BREAKING NEWS: Macha tests positive for Ambien

  1. Anonymous on said:

    i really like the last line using the Seinfeld quote. well played.

  2. Anonymous on said:

    In other news, Mat Gamel tested positive for weed.

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