A Guide to Recognizing Your Brewer Injuries

This week we all learned about Zack Greinke's basketball related injury that will keep him out for 4-6 weeks and delay his Brewers debut by a few weeks. It isn't the end of the world, but at the same it's not exactly what we had in mind for our new superstar and it sucks. What sucks even more is that Zack Greinke isn't the only Milwaukee Brewer currently experiencing an injury. In fact, there are quite a few of them and it's getting to the point where it's hard to keep up with all of them. That's why we decided to do the Milwaukee Brewers Universe a favor and create a comprehensive guide to all the aches and pains currently ailing the home town team. What can we say? We aim to please.

Player: Rickie Weeks
Injury: Groin tightness
Prognosis: Should be back in a few days.
Suspected Cause: He just signed a contract for fifty million dollars, how do you think his groin got tight?

Player: Mark Rogers
Injury: Shoulder tightness
Prognosis: He should be back soon, but the Brewers are just being cautious with the guy who has lost two whole seasons to injury in the past.
Suspected Cause: Arm held together by shoe strings.

Player: Jonathan Lucroy
Injury: Fractured pinkie finger
Prognosis: Has resumed catching.
Suspected Cause: Manny Parra's location.

Player: Corey Hart
Injury: Strained left oblique muscle
Prognosis: Two weeks? Three weeks? Forever?
Suspected Cause: Attempting to pick up all of his kids at the same time.

Player: Manny Parra
Injury: Back
Prognosis: Hopefully (f0r him) will be ready for Opening Day.
Suspected Cause: God doing his best to keep him out of the rotation now that we need a fifth starter.

(Thanks God.)

Player: LaTroy Hawkins
Injury: Recovery from last season's shoulder surgery
Prognosis: Looks to pitch in real games in next week.
Suspected Cause: LaTroy attempting to follow in David Riske's useless footsteps.

Player: Mitch Stetter
Injury: Strain behind pitching shoulder
Prognosis: Hopes to be cleared for games by Monday.
Suspected Cause: Overuse due to everyone forgetting he was on team.

Player: Takashi Saito
Injury: Earthquake in Japan
Prognosis: All of his family has been accounted for.
Suspected Cause: Scott Walker. Duh.

Vince Morales is the guy who runs this site. He likes the Milwaukee Brewers, pro wrestling and beer. If he offended you he is very, very sorry.

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4 comments on “A Guide to Recognizing Your Brewer Injuries

  1. random drunk on said:

    Is Axford back to solid bowel movements?

  2. Anonymous on said:

    I wonder if it’ll be a race between Parra or Grienke getting of the DL first will look like. People screaming for Parra to be on the 15-day DL and extra round to “fully heal” so he won’t get a chance at a spot start XD.

    Though if Parra finally figures out how to pitch to contact and trust his defense rather than freak out every time he lets two runners get on in an inning, we’d not think that way. He came up in ’07 right?

    Lol, I like the walker part. Madtown people need to chill and take it out on the batting cages. More fun too :P

    I wonder what the Earthquake’s going to do for the NPB season though, Sendai has one of the stronger teams based there…

  3. Anonymous on said:

    Hey Anonymous @ 11:16am leave the Walker humor to our leader. People in Madtown should dial it up a notch and use Walker’s nads as batting practice balls.

  4. Anonymous on said:

    Looks like we need a trainer that theaches how to loosen up your muscles – including between the ears.

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