Zack Greinke hasn't looked good thus far in his first spring training with the Milwaukee Brewers. I figured this was because it was spring training and it doesn't really matter, but unfortunately that wasn't the case and he has actually been nursing a rib injury since the beginning of spring training. How was the rib injury sustained, you ask? Was he signing too many autographs for his new Brewers fans? No. Was he working out extra hard to get back into Cy Young award winning form for his new team? No. Was he doing an extreme version of the Zack Greinke dance? Sadly, no.
No, Zack Greinke got his rib injury playing basketball. Going for a rebound. For real. I'm not kidding. Our savior thinks he's Tom frickin' Gugliotta.
To make matters worse "rib injury" is actually a poor way to describe what Zack Greinke is suffering with because he actually has a BROKEN RIB and a CRACKED RIB. You know, no big deal. It's not like pitchers need their ribs or anything. It's only the worst news to ever happen in the history of baseball.
Hey Zack, we're about the same age and I like basketball too. (No, I really do. Don't let what happened to What the Bucks fool you.) It's like my second or third favorite sport. Do you know how I celebrate how fun and awesome basketball is? I watch it on TV. I play a video game. I attend a Bucks game. You know what I don't do? Play it. What I don't do is jump for a rebound. I haven't jumped since I was 19. You know why I don't do those things despite how cool and awesome I think basketball is? Because I could get hurt! That game is dangerous! Didn't you ever play Bill Laimbeer's Combat Basketball on Super Nintendo? That was based on real life! Basketball? More like murderball am I right people?! You'd be better off sparring with Brock Lesnar than playing basketball. Come on Zack, didn't you learn anything from your Belding basketball injury in high school? Do you need Mrs. Turtle to remind you?
Okay, okay, okay. Let's calm down. Accidents happen. This isn't Armageddon. Everything is going to be fine. This type of thing normally takes 4-6 weeks to heal, right? And then everything is okay, right? Hell yeah! It's going to be better than okay I bet. Zack's going to be like Henry in Rookie of the Year and come back stronger than humanly possible. The Brewers are just going to be careful with Zack and let him take his time to get back. We'll have to wait a little bit longer for our star to debut, but that will make it all the sweeter. A strong, healthy Zack is what we traded for and that's what we're going to get. Only a little bit later than we expected. Everything is going to be fine. Better than fine. Awesome. Amazing. Super! Super de duper!
Perhaps this will only be a minor blip in Greinke's season, but maybe the rib injury turns into a nagging thing that delays his progress and bothers him the whole season.
Shut up, Big League Stew.
I SAID IT'S GOING TO BE SUPER! I HATE YOU! YOU'RE NOT MY REAL DAD!