I mean, it's more like Osama Bin DYING now am I right?
HAHA WOOOO! USA! USA! USA!
TERRORISTS SHOULD KNOW THAT WE WILL FIND YOU AND TAKE YOU DOWN! YEAH!!!! USA! USA! USA!
Unfortunately, the end of Osama Bin Laden is not the end of terrorism. I wish it were that simple, but it's not. There are still many threats facing our nation and there will always be more threats facing our nation after those ones are gone. There's not much we can do about it, it's just the way it is. We will continue to fight and hunt them down because that's what we do.
Terrorists are not only abroad, but some of them exist right here in our country. Right here in Wisconsin. Some of them are so close to you that you don't even know it. Some of them... ARE IN MILLER PARK! We need to make the extinction of these terrorists a top priority. I mean, they don't blow up buildings or kill people, but they do something almost as bad: they ruin our enjoyment of baseball games. Outside of the terrorists who actually kill people these people are the greatest threat facing our nation today and something must be done to stop them.
I know what you're thinking "Ballhawks are harmless. They're just like little kids who refuse to grow up," but tell that to the old lady they knocked down going for a homerun ball that will NEVER WALK AGAIN. Tell that to the little kid who turned to drugs after the Happy Youngster stole the ball that the bullpen catcher threw to him. Tell that to Chris Coghlan who looked in the 40 year old Youngster's eyes and has never been the same since. We need to stop these guys. Get the gloves out of the ballpark.
4. The over-drinker
Hey asshole I know that your girlfriend and my girlfriend are friends so we have to go to this game together, but how about not getting so drunk we have to leave in the third inning because you're feeling sick? Maybe you shouldn't have brought the mini-bottle of Jagermeister to sip on pre-game. We're going to a baseball game, not an all ages punk rock show.
3. Whoever started the Wave
You know who you are. Do us all a favor and use this.
2. The guy who sits on the baseline with little kids in the front row
Hey, it's not like it's dangerous and you might get killed by a foul ball even if you are paying attention. Go ahead and bring your kids who don't even like baseball and will spend the whole game texting or playing their PSP. Oh, and don't forget to call your wife every third inning to check up and ask if she sees you on TV. Wouldn't want to forget to do that.
Hopefully, a foul ball comes by and wipes out your entire family.
1. The people who keep getting up that you have to stand for
SERIOUSLY, what is with you people? You can't wait til the half inning? You can't wait til the batter either gets out or gets on? You can't wait for the sequence of pitches to reach it's logical end? Why? Why can't you do this? Some of us are trying to watch the game and we can't do that when you are getting up to pee every five minutes, sitting back down and then getting up to get a beer two minutes after that. It's called watching the game not getting up and exploring Miller Park while taking random sitting breaks in the middle of an aisle.