Minus 11

April 28th, 2014

As of this writing, the Brewers are eleven games over .500, in first place in the NL Central and currently own the best record in the league. Hang on, I need to re-read that sentence three or four times to let it sink in.

Okay, I'm good.

minus11At 18 wins and 7 losses, the Brewers are in a really good place. They are in the driver's seat for the division and have already surpassed pretty much everyone's expectations for them this season. Even if you were someone who thought the Brewers were something like a .500 team (me), you should be excited because .500 ball puts them at 86-87 wins and, at worst, a Wild Card spot.  It's pretty cool. In the past I've been known as an optimist regarding the Brewers season outlook so in theory I should be bouncing off the walls right now, but today I'm going to go a different route. Today, I'd like to be known as the Winston Wolfe of Brewers bloggers. After all, there is still something like 3 days left in the month of April and 167 games left in the season. Let's not start s-ing each other's d's quite yet.

We need to be real. So right now we're going to reveal...

ELEVEN THINGS THAT COULD GO WRONG WITH THE 2014 BREWERS

11. Ryan Braun has a taste for blood now

In case you missed it...

An accident? Sure, but do you know what else was an accident? Jeffrey Dahmer's first murder.* After that he got the taste for it and kept going. Is this what is going to happen with Braun? Does he have the taste for it now? Is he just going to be swinging his bat around until he takes down the entire team? This seems unlikely for a baseball player, but what about a drug user who defamed the game of baseball and gets pee collectors fired in his free time? I wouldn't put it past someone like that.

Watch your back Carlos Gomez, that's all I'm saying.

*=Not actually true.

10. Perfect Games, Plural

It's in play. A team that swings and misses a lot is prime for a perfect game and the Brewers swing and miss a lot a lot. Hell, if Overbay and Weeks are starting you're already 2/9th of the way there. Having a perfect game thrown against you doesn't really reflect your future performance, but what about two? What about three? Or four? Would having four perfect games thrown against you mess with your team's head? I think it would.

9. Wei-Chung Wang Wednesdays

You've heard of this, right? #wcww

Looks fun, right? Looks like a party. All in good fun, right?

WRONG.

Look, I'm a seasoned drinker. The word drunk is right there in the title of this website. I know what I'm talking about when I say that you can't be partying like that on a Wednesday. I've gotten drunk on Wednesdays before, danced to a little Wang Chun and fun was had, but the results were always the worst. Thursday was out the window. Friday wasn't even all that great either. Your whole week gets thrown out of wack and it can take weeks and weeks to adjust.

All I'm saying is be careful with this Wei-Chung Wang Wednesdays. You bullpen guys wouldn't be the first to go down trying to keep up partying with a 22-year old Taiwanese kid.

8. The Team ERA Won't Be 2.58 Forever

Just kidding. It will. It totally will. Of course it will. IT WILL.

7. Mark Reynolds Modeling Career Takes Off

MarkReynolds_1bte8h7a_ueayl0nfThis is from MLB.com for some reason. Is it weird if I'm a little turned on right now?

6. Brewers Add A Second Bud Selig Statue

Which is actually located next to the Bradley Center. The statue depicts Bud Selig swimming in a pile of public money like Scrooge McDuck as the new Bucks owners look on sadly.

(For an awesome read on the Bucks new owners/arena situation check out Save Our Bucks. Great stuff.)

5. Hank the Dog RABIES Scare

Think about it. Miller Park is just a little too close to West Allis where the slutty, rabies carrying mutts hang out. (I assume.) Maybe he gets a little tired of hang out in the stupid dog house with a yellow slide. He's a dog, what does he want to use a frickin' slide for? He barely has a butt. He's also sick of having no one to hump play with besides a bunch of stuffed animals that look just like him. What kind of narcissist do you think this dog is? So he takes a trip across the train tracks and gets a little adventurous. He's neutered, what does he need protection for? He doesn't know any better. Bitch wants to bite his neck? He's from Arizona, that's cool. You wouldn't believe the freaky shit chihuahuas do down there. And then... he gets sick. Real sick. Some things are more important than baseball, you know?

Or, you know, he could stop acting like a puppy and become more of a dog. EWW DOGS AREN'T CUTE LIKE PUPPIES

4. K-Rod remembers who he is

Here's a totally selective 2012 stat line for you:

Split W L ERA G SV IP H R ER HR BB SO WP WHIP
June 0 1 3.27 12 0 11.0 13 4 4 1 1 11 3 1.273
July 2 2 8.76 14 2 12.1 15 13 12 3 14 14 1 2.351

housekrod

3. The Inevitable Injury

Vegas odds for Brewers injury:

  • Braun -300
  • Ramirez -500
  • Weeks -2000
  • Gallardo -225
  • Lohse -250
  • Peralta -150
  • Estrada -150
  • Garza -175

So, uh, not good.

2. Carlos Gomez Starts Another Bench Clearing Brawl Leading To His Immediate Release

There are two things we can't stand for in this world:

  • Racism from an NBA owner with a long history of racism, but this time against Magic Johnson and a 21-year old girl with a letter for a first name. (I guess?)
  • Thugs on a baseball team.

We might not be able to do anything about the former, but the latter we can definitely take care of. Release him so I can explain this to my kid. The inevitable 11-game losing streak is worth that.

1. Sixteen Games against the Cardinals

kanye death glare


HEY YOU! The 2014 Pants Party is now on sale! For those that don't know it is the best tailgate party you have ever seen and you get a ticket to a game and lots of other stuff too. You should go!

Vince Morales is the guy who runs this site. He likes the Milwaukee Brewers, pro wrestling and beer. If he offended you he is very, very sorry.

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