Whenever I'm bored and can't find anything to watch on TV I always switch over to the MLB Network to see what's going on. Most of the time it's just a rerun of the previous night's highlights that gets old in about five minutes, but sometimes they show their original program Prime 9. It's essentially a countdown show that features lots of old footage and talking heads, but the talking heads treat the material with respect and the host isn't annoying. It's usually a fun time.
Unfortunately, it hardly ever features the Brewers and why should it? A list of the 9 greatest World Series moments ever shouldn't include the Milwaukee Brewers nor should the 9 greatest third basemen. As much as I love the Milwaukee Brewers I wouldn't exactly call our history "storied." But that doesn't mean they are without merit. Despite the lack of success I think the Milwaukee Brewers are by far the coolest team to follow in all of the land. The Yankees are like following Berkshire Hathaway, ollowing the Nationals is like following Nickelback and you'd have more fun following the wheelchair kid from Glee after the show ends than following the Cubs.
The Milwaukee Brewers aren't only an awesome baseball team that is going to be awesome again real soon (as soon as this season is over), but they are also a great time. Why? Because the Milwaukee Brewers always have some of the chillest bros in all of baseball on their squad and in honor of those bros we now present to you the 9 Chillest Brewer Bros of all time.
9. Seth McClung
Can you think of anyone who loves being a Milwaukee Brewer more than Seth McClung did/does? The dude blogged for OnMilwaukee about the Brewers when he wasn't even under contract. He only played three seasons (and one of those seasons was 14 innings) in Milwaukee, but he completely fell in love. In 2012 when he wanted to attempt a comeback it was the Brewers or bust. It's hard not to like someone who loves your favorite team as much as you do.
Especially when they tweet like this.
8. Rob Deer
If you were to make up a name for a baseball player that played for a Wisconsin team "Rob Deer" would probably be on your shortlist. (Other names on that list? Bernie Brewer (natch), Mike Cheese and Schitty McDrunkerson.) The fact that the dude named Rob Deer was kind of awesome didn't hurt either. His Easter Sunday homerun will never be forgotten and his Three True Outcomes (homerun, strikeout or walk) style is something that would become synonymous with Milwaukee Brewers baseball. For better or worse.
I've seen Rob Deer referred to as a "homerun-hitting heart throb" and if that's true I understand women less than I thought I did, but the men did love him. Tararrel & Sons used to have an awesome shirt dedicated which is crazy for a guy who hadn't played on the team in 20 years. Rob Deer only played four seasons in Milwaukee, but he left his mark here and counts his time in Milwaukee as the best of his career. Definitely a chill bro that I'd like to have a beer with.
7. Ben Sheets
Honestly, if I'd made this list a year ago Ben Sheets probably wouldn't have been on it. I don't know why, but for some reason his resurgance in Atlanta has made me realize just how much I miss and loved him. I think we all got so wrapped up in the CC-Greinke stuff that we forgot that we once had an amazing ace that was all ours.
At the same time it would have been hard to hang out with Ben Sheets while he was dominating for the Brewers without turning into Chris Farley on the Chris Farley Show. Remember that time you pitched a complete game on Opening Day? That was awesome. Remember when you won the gold medal and you were like an American hero? That was awesome. Time sometimes makes us wiser and able to properly enjoy things in retrospect. A lot of the time Ben Sheets was a Brewer things were pretty awful, but so was high school. Sometimes you just want to catch up with an old bro, maybe eat some jambalaya and remember the good things. No matter how few and far between they were.
6. Craig Counsell
It doesn't hurt that he's from here. It also doesn't hurt that he looks like a guy we'd run into at the State Fair. The guy coaches middle school basketball, if that doesn't tell you all you need to know about Craig Counsell I don't know what does. Craig Counsell is one of use. He works hard, he played hard and then he goes home and does Wisconsin things that Wisconsin people do. On any other team a guy like Craig Counsell would be forgotten in a few years. A role player with a couple of good moments and a funny at-bat stance. Up here? We'll never forget. Craig Counsell is our homeboy.
5. Corey Hart
We always got jokes about Corey Hart, but the truth is he's one of the chillest bros around. Forward Fabrics wouldn't have that slick "I HART MKE" shirt if he wasn't. Corey Hart is really good at baseball, but not Ryan Braun or Paul Molitor (who won't appear on this list) type good because he doesn't intimidate you with his greatness. Sometimes you look at Corey Hart's stats and you're like "woah, really?" You never realize how good he is until you step back and check out the box. That's my favorite kind of baseball player. That's a chill Brewer bro.
Couldn't you see yourself stopping by Corey Hart's place in Kentucky during the offseason and riding four wheelers? Maybe popping a couple of tops and complaining about your old lady? Of course you could. And while I may make fun of his tattoos I have a hard time disliking any0ne who loves The Dark Knight enough to get a tattoo over it. The Dark Knight is my shit.
4. Rollie Fingers
Do you ever have girl friends who just want to take pictures all the time? Take a picture of me like this. Now take a picture of me like this. Take a picture of me next to this tree. Of course you do. Instagram wouldn't have sold for a bajillion dollars if you didn't. The reason I bring this up is, could you imagine meeting Rollie Fingers? Could you imagine hanging out with him? I would take a million pictures of me and Rollie Fingers. I would update facebook and twitter every five seconds with a new photo of the two of us.
Which is to say Rollie Fingers seems like a super chill bro who would be awesome to hang out with.
3. Robin Yount
You have to love someone who has allegedly been offered the manager's job in Milwaukee multiple times and said "nah, I'm cool just chillin'." You have to love someone who when called on by his friend Dale Sveum to be his bench coach for the final games of the season and playoffs said okay, but declined to return the next year. You have to love Robin Yount.
Robin Yount is a Hall of Famer. He has 3000 hits. He spent his entire career with one team. That is an elite group. Guys in that group are legends, but whenever you see Robin Yount he doesn't seem like that. He isn't larger than life. He's just a dude who happened to be one of the greatest Milwaukee Brewers of all time. He doesn't want your adoration, he just wants to chill. I'd ride the chillwave with Robin Yount anytime.
2. John Axford
I've met tons of friends on the internet. I met Tyler on the internet. I met Steph because of the internet. I met Graeme, my friend who I went to Wrestlemania with, on the internet. A lot of the key and best friendships in my life have come because of the internet. So why shouldn't the chillest current Brewer bro come from the internet too?
It's not just that John Axford is interactive on twitter that makes me like him. It's that he genuinely feels like someone I should be hanging with. He likes baseball, music and movies. He makes jokes about his penis. That's my kind of bro right there. When John Axford has a shitty game and tweets about it, that's the kind of humility I look for in a bro. John Axford let us choose his closer music. Not only that he tweeted the link to that post and told everyone to check it out before voting. Are John Axford and I best friends? Not yet, but we could be. He's a pretty chill bro.
1. Gorman Thomas
From an old Jim Caple column:
A reporter told me he once called Gorman about nine in the morning to ask a question on a breaking story and began the interview by apologizing for the early call. “I hope I’m not calling too early,” the reporter said. “Oh, that’s OK,” Gorman replied. “I’m just sitting here in front of the TV eating pizza and drinking beer.”
Chillest. Bro. Ever.