Big League Stew is currently running a series called "The 1o Best Things About Being A (baseball team) Fan" covering all 30 teams in the MLB. (Well, 29 teams. A Nationals fan who can think of more than one thing is yet to be located.) For some reason they didn't think to ask the best Brewers blog in the world to contribute and instead went with the defunct Chuckie Hacks to do the Brewers post. They did a good job with it (read it) and I can't disagree with it too much. I personally would've put Ryan Braun on the list (because, seriously, screw the haters) instead of Ned Yost not being the manager anymore, but I guess that's what you get when you ask bloggers from three years ago to write. Anyways, it was a decent read and I'm not jealous I wasn't asked to contribute because I'd much rather write this post: The 10 Worst Things About Being A Brewers Fan.

I don't think I need to explain that I love the Brewers very, very much. I think that is a given based on the existence of this site and the "Brewers 4 Life" tattoo I recently had put on the inside of my lower lip. But as anyone who has ever dated me could tell you love also comes with a whole lot of hate. There are things the Brewers do that I don't agree with and there are other things that make being a Brewers fan less than awesome. They don't change the way I feel about them at all, but they do really grind my gears. Here are ten of them.

1. Pandering to away fans

Have you ever been to a Brewers-Twins game? Besides the large group of people who say "uffa da" and "doncha know" there is something else that invades Miller Park that doesn't belong that invades the park during this series. That thing is this:

T.C. Bear, the Minnesota Twins mascot. Forget the questions of why is the Twins mascot a bear? Shouldn't it at least be two Bears that look exactly alike? The real question is why is he here? This is Miller Park. Why is he paling around with Bernie Brewer? I realize that baseball is a corporate, money making machine, but it is still supposed to be a competitive sport. I don't want to see Joe Mauer yukking it up with Ryan Braun in the middle of an inning and by the same notion I don't want to see TC Bear and Bernie Brewer doing a "tandem slide". Be for real.

Worse, is when the Cubs or Twins come to town the Brewers go far as to sell Twins/Cubs merchandise at certain kiosks around the stadium. Again, I realize the whole "if they're here we might as well make money off them" ideal, but at a certain point the Brewers need to realize that this is our home park and not a neutral playing field. There was a time when Miller Park truly was "Wrigley North". That time is gone, let's try and make sure it doesn't come back.

2. People who only want to get drunk

I had someone say to me the other day "You know I've never been to a Brewers game where I remember who won" and I would normally tell them it's because they are terrible people, but I find that this is far more common than not. A lot of people view Miller Park more as a place to get drunk than a place to watch baseball which is a shame. (Yes, I realize the name of my website.)

I'm not going to say that I've never been to a game and not remembered who won. I'm not even going to say that I've never been to a game and been thrown out for drunken shenanigans. I'm not even going to say that I've never been thrown out of the parking lot and forced to go into the game by the police. I would be lying if I said I hadn't done those things, but the fact of the matter is that Miller Park is a baseball stadium where an awesome World Series contending team plays. Go in late if you want to, get as drunk as you can, but try and remember that there is a game going on and that you want one team to win more than the other one. Cheer for that happening.

3. This guy.

(Oh wait I forgot I told him on the phone that one time that I would never mention him again. Forget I posted this.)

4. Doom and gloom

How many "serioulsy, relax" posts have I written over the years? I probably wrote 30 in the month of September last year alone. For some reason whenever the Brewers lose a few games or go through a cold streak at the plate a large portion of the fanbase decides that the Brewers season is over. It isn't just the fans either, a lot of the blogs do it too (I'm looking at you Brew Crew Ball) and the jokers at the JS and local radio stations don't help one bit either. Baseball is a really long season. Even 10 losses isn't that big in the grand scheme of things. Try and remember that.

5. Defending Ryan Braun

Ugh, this is going to get so old so fast.

6. The Sausage Race

Okay, before you get all up in arms about this one hear me out. I enjoy the sausage race for what it is. A race of sausages in between innings that provides a nice bit of excitement for the kids. It's something unique about Miller Park that sets us apart (even if every other team has attempted to steal the concept) and it's good, clean fun.

That being said, there are a lot of people (read: way too many) who care more about the sausage race than the actual baseball game taking place on the field. This ties in a bit with #2 because it's another case of misplaced priorities. There's been times when I've been at games where the Brewers are three strikes away from a victory and the fans sit on their hands when just a few innings ago the entire place was on it's feet cheering on their favorite piece of meat. WAZZUPWITDAT?

Plus, have you ever been to one of those games where the Brewers are down by like 7 runs when the sausage race begins? I don't know about anyone else, but when the Brewers are sucking like that a bunch of grown folks in sausage suits running around is the last thing I want to see. Even it is Wilco.

7. Cheese Fries In A Helmet

This is the ideal stadium food, no? It's cheese, it's fries and it's in a helmet. This should be the greatest thing ever, right? Then tell me, why does it always seem to let me down? Sometimes the fries are cold or soggy. The cheese ratio is always off. Does anyone actually keep the helmet? First, you have to eat all the fries which is likely to send you scurrying for the bathroom. Then while you're there you need to take the helmet in there and clean it out in the sink and THEN find somewhere to store it for the rest of the game. I don't know about you, but I don't go to a baseball game to do dishes. Plus, what if I don't want the helmet? Can't you just take a dollar off and put it in a tray for me? Is that too much to ask?! APPARENTLY BREWERS, APPARENTLY.

8. Whenever we win the media makes a beer or cheese references

Look, if you guys are going to do this then I think you should make redneck references about all Atlanta Braves news ("Braves take Marlins behind the barn in 5-1 rout") or hipster references about all Seattle Mariner news ("Seattle trades for Jesus Montero, you've probably never heard of him") or drunk asshole references about all Chicago Cubs news ("Cubs lock up Theo Epstein, you want a piece of me bro!?") It's only fair.

9. The music at Miller Park

"Hangin' Tough", really? Really, Miller Park? Really?

10. Brewers are just too awesome

Forget Ryan Braun, do you realize how many teams would kill to have Rickie Weeks on their team? Last season he was probably the Brewers 4th best player on offense and maybe 7th most valuable overall. We have a stacked team that is going to take the loss of Prince Fielder, one of the premiere sluggers in the league, and only get better from it. We're probably going to win the division again and make the World Series. Do you realize how expensive all those tickets and merchandise is going to be? Seriously, it sucks being so awesome sometimes.

Vince Morales is the guy who runs this site. He likes the Milwaukee Brewers, pro wrestling and beer. If he offended you he is very, very sorry.

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7 comments on “The 10 Worst Things About Being A Brewers Fan

  1. S.R.D. on said:

    “brewers 4 life” tatted up in your lip?!? pics or it didn’t happen.

  2. Kyle Lobner on said:

    This is where I tell you to suck it, right?

  3. I think I can answer #1 for you. TC Bear is supposedly the “son” of the bear from the old Hamm’s commercials. Hamm’s is a brand that Miller now owns.

    I also couldn’t agree more about the beer and cheese references. Whenever I see one, I always leave a comment calling out the writer for publishing something so cliched and uncreative.

  4. Jim's Timeout on said:

    1. Totally hear you on selling other teams’ gear, and I do understand how it can be annoying to have TC Bear hanging out at Miller Park. But for whatever it’s worth, it’s looked at as a ‘friendly’ rivalry with the Twins where it’s as much about harking back to the days when they played each other a lot. It’s not like you actually have TC Bear sliding down the slide…I don’t think.
    2. Yeah that’s a shame, but someone’s gotta buy the tickets.
    4. I think that stems from all the doom and gloom and downward spirals we’ve seen this team endure throughout its history.
    7. Cleaning out the helmet: yeah, that’s really killing me. If you don’t want it, give it to a kid, because they like and do want that sort of thing. Try the ultra nachos instead, they’re spendy but awesome.

    I reasonably agree on the other points. Nice counterpoint to the Big League Stew stuff, which is pretty dreadful overall (Cardinals one especially).

  5. Tuco on said:

    Yea – I hate the pandering to away fans – but I hate the away fans more. These fans most of all:
    Cubs fans because:
    A. they aren’t baseball fans or they wouldn’t be Cubs fans.
    B: They’re all ugly drunks – not friendly lovable, entertaining drunks. The only place any Cubs are sufferable is in their own ballpark in the bleachers when they’ve had too much to drink and they’re female and they’re in their 20’s and they get too warm (wink, wink, chuckle, chuckle)
    Cardinals fans because they are convinced they are the only true baseball fans west of New York and Boston. They are wrong – They are from Missouri and as we all know – Missouri sucks and so do they.

  6. Hey noob u can totally buy cheesefries without the helmet. Duh. U suck

  7. tracker on said:

    We do the wave.

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