worstbrewersfirsthalfIt's been awhile since I stole the Best and Worst gimmick from someone else (since the good times in fact,) but I felt this particular season was in more need of it than any before. After all, what season could be in need of some positivity more than this one? Put it this way, I debated with myself all morning on whether or not it should be called 'the Worst and Worst.' It's been that kind of season. So, without much further adieu let's get into this thing.

BEST: Jean Segura and Carlos Gomez

That's it. That's all the bests I have.

Okay, maybe not, but that is certainly how this season has felt at times. Nothing has really been great and these two have provided somewhere between 94 and 98 percent of all 2013 positive Brewers memories and I feel like that is a low estimate. They've been just plain fun to watch which is kind of funny because they play exactly the kind of baseball that the manager we don't care for loves to play. That's not to say that their style of baseball is wr0ng or that Roenicke's strategy is right, but these two have proven themselves time and again to be the exceptions that prove the rule. While simultaneously proving that they, as players, rule.

Jean Segura is young and probably not this good with his high BABIP and all, but he has made that Greinke trade look like an absolute steal (even while Johnny Hellweg gives up a homerun on eight out of every ten pitches thrown) and shortstop looks solidified for some time to come. He probably won't be an All-Star again, but he won't be Yuniesky Betancourt ever so he's basically the greatest shortstop in Brewers history. (White guys not included.)

Gomez on the other hand... actually, let's do this right.


Can you believe this dude? He's always been one of the best defensive centerfielders we've ever seen, he's always been the legit fastest man in baseball, but now he's turned it all into something else. Something amazing. It's like the baseball version of Pinocchio, Gomez (Pinocchio) finally become a real boy after Doug Melvin (Gepetto) wished upon a star. In this analogy, Manny Ramirez is Jiminy Crickett (really,) Ryan Braun is the donkey kid and Yuniesky Betancourt is the whale because Yuni ruins everything.

Being awesome at baseball is just half of why Carlos Gomez has been so great this year. What really makes him the ultimate best on this list of worsts is the way he does it. He just looks like he's having so much fun. He's the Daniel Bryan of the Brewers, in that everything he does looks real and like it is the greatest thing to ever happen. Just look at this GIF to see what I mean.


Never change and never, ever leave.

WORST: Yuniesky Betancourt

What can I say that hasn't already been said a thousand times? Yuni is the worst. Please stop letting him play baseball. This isn't politics, we don't have to keep picking the worst people to do a bad job over and over.

BEST/WORST: Rickie Weeks

I normally don't read ESPN stuff because, you know, ESPN is ESPN, but the other day I read Jayson Stark's first half awards and it really pissed me off. Why? He listed Rickie Weeks as one of the first half's Least Valuable Players alongside BJ Upton and Ike Davis. Really? I know Weeks had a rough start, a start so rough that it briefly introduced the world to Scootermania a fad that will be remembered in the same way as The Wonders. He wasn't great at first, but he doesn't belong with those jokers. Seriously, check out these OPS'.

  • Weeks: .707
  • Davis: .505
  • Upton: .565

Not even close. I think Stark owes Weeks an apology.

Beyond the cumulative numbers though I think that anyone who posts a .355/.429/.677 during a single month of the season is worth having around and absolved from LVP voting, but that's just me. Also, YUNIESKY BETANCOURT has more plate appearances than Weeks does. On what planet is Weeks the LVP of this team?

Really though, that first couple of months was really rough. Stop doing that. I am losing my ability to defend you during stretches like that and it hurts me to say that. I never want to fall out of love with you, Rick.

WORST: Yovanni Gallardo

I really thought this was going to be a big, breakout season for Gallardo. I really did. No more Marcum, no more Greinke and a young staff that needed a leader. The now-veteran stepping up to take his rightful place as the team's ace instead of the team's "ace." To top it off, Yovanni Gallardo got his first DUI which should have permanently ingrained him into Milwaukee culture and finally made him one of us in a way that his bad haircut never could.

Of course, none of that has happened and Gallardo has become the most infuriating pitcher on the team with Wily Peralta replacing him as the 'sometimes I'm really good and sometimes I'm really, really bad' starter on the team leaving him as the mostly bad one with talent. This isn't good. Where does he fit going forward? I'm not sure he's performed well enough to be traded for anything worthwhile, but at the same time he reeks like a guy who could use a fresh start. Or maybe we could.


Remember when signing him seemed like the worst idea ever? It probably still was, but could you imagine how this team would be without him? He's been the only above average starter, the only one who could be reasonably counted on and the rock of the rotation. Sure, his record is 5-7 but when things are at the worst I feel like he is the only starter who might stop the bleeding. Which is a really sad and pathetic thing to say, really. I'm depressed now. Thanks, 2013 Brewers.

BEST: The bullpen!

Hey, great job guys. Where were you last year when we needed you? I'm looking at you John Axford. And you K-Rod. Don't look down at your feet when I'm talking to you.

Seriously though, you guys have done a great job and we are going to reward you by trading each and every one of you to a some place nice. Or we will trade the good ones and only hold on to the ones who are likely to regress because this is the Brewers and nothing ever goes right for us underneath the Fridays.

BEST: Random names

Sean Halton! Caleb Gindl! Hiram Burgos! Donovan Hand! Blake Lalli! Khris Davis! Alfredo Figaro! Johnny Hellweg!

Sure, they might not be great prospects, but it's always fun to see new names. It'd be cool if one of them could pull a Tuffy Rhodes and do something cool, but it's still fun just having these randoms around. Like meeting some strangers at a wedding and having fun with them before they become annoying, but then never having to see them again. (This means you, Johnny Hellweg.)

WORST: Everyone and everything

Hey MLB, you stupid.

Hey Biogenesis dudes, you stupid.

Hey anyone who reports stuff about this, you stupid.

Hey anyone with an opinion on this, you stupid.

(Yes, that includes me.)

The whole thing is stupid and it makes baseball not fun. If the goal of a baseball team is to sell a lot of tickets then they need to get rid of this stuff. The stories that come out about baseball are not positive and they do not sell tickets. Nobody wants to go see a sport where "WHO DID PEDs" is more important than who hits homeruns and who wins games. Max Scherzer started 13-0, Chris Davis hit 37 homeruns in the first half, Yuniesky Betancourt killed a school bus full of children and Puig fever is going crazy, but nobody cares about all that. All they care about is a witch hunt and, whether people did "bad" things or not, it doesn't help anyone or anything. Congratulations baseball, you've become the sports equivalent of Nancy Grace.

BEST: Pants Party 3 Three-timers club


Pants Partyin' ain't easy, but it feels pretty good when it finally gets pulled off. I love everyone who comes, but these people have been every year and they are the best. I might not blog as much (or as well) as I used to, but the Pants Parties have made it all worthwhile. I'll always like the Brewers, but my heart is right there in the parking lot at the Pants Party. Seriously, thank you so much for the great times.

Vince Morales is the guy who runs this site. He likes the Milwaukee Brewers, pro wrestling and beer. If he offended you he is very, very sorry.

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