The Best and Worst of the Milwaukee Brewers first half

Worst: Zack Greinke is the worst pitcher in the history of time

Seriously, can Zack Greinke get any worse? I don't think it's possible.

Look, I know we all want to apologize for him and make excuses for why he's not better. We want to think that the next start is the one that he becomes the great pitcher from two seasons age that we thought we were getting. I get it. I really do, but hear me out.

Let's say you have a 1998 Honda Accord. It gets great gas mileage, it always starts when you turn the key and you've never had to do anything to it besides change the oil. It's not the prettiest car, its got some rust and the sunroof doesn't work and maybe there's a tape deck, but it runs and it's never let you down. It's not the best car in the world, but you keep that car and drive it as long as you can.

Now let's say someone offers to trade you a Porsche for your Honda Accord and some old DVDs. You think to yourself "holy sh:t this is the best deal ever I have to take it" and you do the trade. Then the Porsche arrives and you have to take it to the shop right away because it was playing basketball like an idiot hit by another car or something. It takes a month to get out of the shop and when you finally get it back you think you are hot sh:t hell yeah look at me I'm driving a Porsche and you tell all your friends to watch you drive by. Only when you drive by the Porsche backfires and your friends all laugh. Then you realize the gas mileage sucks and the dealer recommends you only use 89 so you're stuck paying an extra ten cents a gallon. Still, the car looks great so you take a girl on a date and the thing breaks down on the side of the road and you have to call your friend to pick you up. Of course at this point it's too late and this girl is pissed she had to stand on the side of the road and you aren't getting laid tonight. But, but, it's a great car! Look how fast it goes! Once I get it fixed everything will be better!

And the Porsche is great. It looks like a million bucks and it goes 0-100 in five seconds, but at this point it's not worth it to deal with all the bad stuff for the potential of great stuff. Great stuff that you have yet to see, even once. You're starting to regret the trade. You miss your Honda.

That Porsche is Zack Greinke. I love the potential of what he brings to the table, but if he doesn't start living up to it I want my Honda back. I don't know who the Honda Accord is in this scenario because, seriously, Brewers pitching has always sucked, but even Chris Capuano and his 93 ERA+ is looking pretty good right now.

Get it together Zack.

Vince Morales is the guy who runs this site. He likes the Milwaukee Brewers, pro wrestling and beer. If he offended you he is very, very sorry.

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2 comments on “The Best and Worst of the Milwaukee Brewers first half

  1. Anonymous on said:

    Brewers fans this year have the added “never say die” bonus of limited or no football this season! Enjoy major-league professional sports while it lasts in Wisconsin, because after the baseball season there won’t be another professional game played in Wisconsin until baseball season.

    (Yes, I excluded basketball on purpose)

  2. Anonymous on said:

    Off topic yet honorable mention to the worst of the first half – FSN broadcasting:

    Jerry Garcia ‘tailgate tips’ commercials: Duder – you’re a class a douche; everyone I know makes fun of you. No one is going to make any of that shit while tailgating. You come off as a narcissistic tard, seriously…haul ass.

    Telly Hughes: How in the world you got a job in broadcasting is beyond any conceivable notion. You are HORRIBLE at your job, HORRIBLE. There is only one explanation for how you’re keeping your job – and that’s because obviously, you’re the quota. Consider a new career.

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