The real reason Carlos Gomez doesn’t play

Yesterday for the fifth straight game Carlos Gomez was not in the starting lineup for the Milwaukee Brewers. There are many theories as to why this is. Some point to his comments about Lorenzo Cain when he said:

"I'm the best centerfielder on the team. But Lorenzo is doing a really good job for the last two weeks and it's not fair for me to come off the DL and take his chance. I understand. He is a really good player, but I think I'm still the man on this team."

That would make sense. Others simply point to his horrendous .229/.286/.348 line and compare them to... anybody and it makes perfect sense why he's not been playing.

The debate as to whether Gomez should or shouldn't play, or should or shouldn't be re-signed is something that has been discussed heavily in the Brewer community over the past few weeks. However, it's hard to discuss these sorts of things if you don't know all of the facts.

Luckily, we have all the facts. Luckily, we have sources within the Brewers to let us know why certain things happen. We know why Carlos Gomez hasn't been playing and lucky for you we're not above betraying our sources to tell you why.

RING! RING!
Hello.
Is this Ken Macha?
Yes it is. What can I do you for?
Hi Ken, this is Carlos.... I mean Carl from the Walker's Point Sex Clinic. A recent patient of ours has named you as a recent sexual partner. Would you like to come in for a test?
My wife? Carolyn was in there?
No it was a guy! HAHAHAHA!

*click*

RING RING!
Hello.
/muffles voice

Hello, this is Mike from the Power Company. Is your refrigerator running?

Hang on a second Mike let me check.
5 minutes later.
Mike, are you still there?
Yeah.
I just checked and my refridgerator seems to be running strong.
WELL YOU BETTER GO ON AND CATCH IT!

*click*

RING! RING!
Hello.
/in a girl's voice

Is Prince there?

No, this is his manager Ken Macha. I can call him for you if you want.
Oh, okay then.

*click*

RING! RING!
Hello.
/in a stereotypical gay accent

Hey honey, is Prince there? Fabulous.

No, this is his manager Ken Macha. You're actually the second person to call for Prince tonight let me give you his..
*click*
RING! RING!
Hello.
/in the worst Australian accent you have ever heard

Hello mate, it's me Crocodile Dundee. Is Prince about?

Crocodile Dundee? Paul Hogan? Really?
Yes sir. Is Prince about then mate? I need to talk to him about a dingo who ate his baby.
Well... no he's not, but... is the kid okay? I hope so.

Listen if you have a few minutes I'd really like to talk. I love your movies and I want to ask you a few...

*click*
RING! RING!
Croc? Is that you? I think we got disconnected.
/in a terrible black accent

No dog, it's yo boy Prince. I's got any messages homey?

Prince! I'm glad you called. I just got off the phone with Crocodile Dundee called and he said a dingo ate your..
*click*

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Oh man that was the best. Do Peterson next.

Vince Morales is the guy who runs this site. He likes the Milwaukee Brewers, pro wrestling and beer. If he offended you he is very, very sorry.

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2 comments on “The real reason Carlos Gomez doesn’t play

  1. Anonymous on said:

    A non pants party post … and it’s even sorta funny. Yeehaa.

  2. Anonymous on said:

    WTF?I did a google on Gomez and wound up reading this crap?

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