Why I’m Attending the Pants Party

Yesterday Larry Granville of Wezen Ball chimed in on his attendance to Miller Park Drunk's Pants Party and today Tyler Maas does the same. These two well respected writers (well, at least Larry is respected) will be attending as well as popular bloggers from Fangraphs, BrewCrewBall and Disciples of Uecker. It's kind of a big deal, but you don't have to be a Brewers blogger to go. No, all you need to do is buy a ticket. There are less than twenty left and I would really like to sell the rest to readers like you instead of barflies from my local tavern. At least you guys won't come up to me every time you see me and be like "Hey, remember that time we went to the Brewers game together? That was awesome" and then have nothing else to say because we're not actually friends and you know nothing about me. I hate people like that. You guys though? You're my people. Now buy a ticket.

I’m sure the near dozen of you Miller Park Drunk readers out there were filled with a lot of different questions when my presence at the inaugural MPD Pants Party was announced last month. Of them: “What’s a Tyler Maas … should I know him?”, “Why hasn’t he updated Doctors of Za in forever?” and “Why is Tyler Maas going to the Pants Party?”

While I cannot offer you clear answers for the first two questions, I sure as shit can chime in on the third. Allow me to answer that question—Why is Tyler Maas going to the Pants Party?—with another question. Why wouldn’t I go to the Pants Party? (do you see how I turned that around on you?)

If that Ginsu-sharp witticism isn’t enough to explain why some random dude who, of late, is referenced here more than he actually blogs about baseball, then here are a few more reasons why I will be—and you should be—picking up the slacks (double entendre) in Pants Party attendance. These reasons appear in no particular order, excluding importance to me.

  1. Unlimited beer. I’m like a rage-oholic, only with alcohol instead of rage. Vince will attest to my love of the sauce. Once, he and I hung out in his hometown and we tied one on. If memory serves, I drank more than him, then he puked. Plus I found $20. It was a good night overall. And I totally expect all the exact same stuff to happen. Except rather than finding $20, I’ll eat way too much meat.Oh yeah, does anyone want to give me a ride home?
  2. Vince will be there!
    Miller Park Drunk is my favorite Brewers-related website.    Even before I met Vince, I read his stuff on the reg. I’m glad that I’ve not only had the opportunity to meet him in person, but also have the pleasure of collaborating with him on poignant literary observations regarding things like Winter Meetings and Going Gay for a Brewer. I was worried he’d be kind of (looks for right word) Mexicanny when I met him. But seriously, he not that bad.* And he’s the only other person I know who watches Sons of Anarchy.
  3. I can meet/catch up with other Brewers bloggers.
    I used to be an avid Brewers blogger. Now my old site parodies Sponge Bob’s theme song, I only chime in at Bugs & Cranks when Doug Fister is mentioned in a headline, and I write about sports at a thousand other places to pay bills. But I still really respect people who write about the Brewers with any regularity. It’ll be awesome to be able to put faces to the Wezen-Balls and (struggles to think of another Brewers blog) others of the blogosphere, as well as catch up with KL Snow. Maybe some of my RFB buddies will make the trip down from Appleton in the name of bobble heads and chorizo quesadillas.
  4. Who knows … I might even get laid at this thing.
    I put it around the odds of Milwaukee picking up Greg(ggggg?) Zaun’s option next season, but even a blind squirrel can find a nut from time to time. Why can’t a heavily bearded, prematurely graying, socially awkward professional writer brick on the gunt-streched fabric of some chick’s pink Dan Kolb shirt jersey in a secluded 400 level bathroom?
  5. Bobble head!
    Because what’s better than being an adult man and getting a toy of another, more famous, wealthy and successful man? I’m going to sell mine so fast, it’d make your head bobble. Also, they have virtually no value.
  6. You’re going to be there.
    Or at least you should be. The menu looks out of this world, the guest list (apart from me, of course) is chock full of funny and knowledgeable Brewers writers, you like the Brewers, and it’s an all-around great deal. Your presence will increase the likelihood of neat events like this happening again. SO GO ALREADY!

* I’m not racist. C’mon! That joke was kind of funny.

Yeah, no way he's getting laid.

8/29/2010. Twenty five bucks. Ticket. Beer. Food. Bobblehead. Miller Park Drunk. Pants Party. Be there.


Vince Morales is the guy who runs this site. He likes the Milwaukee Brewers, pro wrestling and beer. If he offended you he is very, very sorry.

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One comment on “Why I’m Attending the Pants Party

  1. Anonymous on said:

    I’m in. Tyler had me at “gunt-streched fabric of some chick’s pink Dan Kolb shirt jersey.”

    – Jared (formerly of Right Field Bleachers)

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