Miracles

Depending on your point of view some of you might have viewed Sunday's 10 run first inning, the Craig Counsell grand slam and the Brewers somehow holding onto that lead for the win to avoid the sweep as miracles. The way the starting pitching has looked to start the season I wouldn't blame you. How is it that the Cardinals and Mets can combine for 30 scoreless innings and the Brewers as a whole can't combine for like, two? Isn't that weird? Doesn't that suck? I don't want to talk about it. I want to talk about miracles. They happen everyday, you know.

You guys I just saw craziest video you have to check it out.

Isn't that CRAZY?
Doug, I am not watching that and you shouldn't either. We just gave you a ten run lead in the first inning and you couldn't even get the win on your record.
Best. Song. Ever. Seriously, dibs on this for my new at-bat song.
YOU SON OF A BITCH DAVIS YOU JUST BLEW MY MIND
Yeah man. Baseball is kinda like magic too. Like I'm more or less a starting outfielder for the Brewers despite taking all of last season off. Pure motherf***in' magic, right? That shit'll blow Zaun's frickin' mind.
Yeah, do you guys ever notice that sometimes we play at Miller Park and the roof is open but other times it's closed? And then when it's closed it's like raining or cold out. How does that work? Magic? It's gotta be magic, right?
You think that's a miracle? I make five million dollars and my two best skills are "giving up runs" and "taking a long time doing it".
MAGNETS! SERIOUSLY, HOW DO THEY WORK?
Have you ever noticed that we get our uniforms dirty and then take them off, but then the next day they are clean? And sometimes they follow us to another city? How do they know to do that?
YOU TAKE A MAGNET AND IT STICKS TO THE FRIDGE, BUT IF YOU TAKE TWO MAGNETS THEY WON'T TOUCH EACHOTHER! SERIOUSLY WHY IS THAT?
Why are you still wearing your catcher's mask?
MIRACLES!
Why does a half shirt feel so much better than a regular shirt?
MIRACLES!
How come two of my kids look like me and the other two look like JJ? He's not even on the team anymore!
MIRACLES!
I got one for you Doug. Why did I hit like my fourth home run in my entire 30 year career yesterday and you couldn't even pitch five complete innings? Why is your ERA in the 11s?
Ummm.. I don't know. Haven't you ever seen a solar eclipse?
We've played 12 games and I have zero home runs. What's the opposite of a miracle?
WHY ARE SOME MAGNETS SHAPED LIKE CARTOON CHARACTERS AND OTHERS SAY LIKE "INSURANCE COMPANY" WITH A PHONE NUMBER ON IT?
/spazzes out on a baseball bat
Woah, how did that bat NOT break?
Doug if you say "MIRACLES" right now I will stab you with a dinner fork I stole from Ryan Braun's restaurant.

Vince Morales is the guy who runs this site. He likes the Milwaukee Brewers, pro wrestling and beer. If he offended you he is very, very sorry.

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5 comments on “Miracles

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention Miller Park Drunk | Miracles -- Topsy.com

  2. Anonymous on said:

    ICP has fans-MIRACLES!
    If ICP fans even know how to work a computer, read, dress themselves, drive, walk, stay upright, breath without assistance….MIRACLES!.

  3. Anonymous on said:

    (or in case images don’t work — http://www.rightfieldbleachers.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/brauns-remetee-party.jpg)

    $80 SHIRTS?! DOUCHEY FAUXHAWKS?! I SMELL 30/30 BABY PRINCE WILL NEVER HAVE TO HIT ANOTHER HOMERUN AGAIN! HE CAN FINALLY BE AT PEACE, NO LONGER RUNNING TO CATCH UP WITH DADDY WHO WAS TRYING TO LEAVE HIS FAT ASS BEHIND WHEN HE WENT TO MCDONALDS KNOWING THAT THREE TRIPLES EVEN AT A BUCK SIXTY NINE WOULD DENT HIS WALLET CONSIDERABLY!!@

    it matters not, for the age of casey mcgehee (is it mick-GEE-hee, or mick-GAY-hee?) is upon us, and all of the broken dreams will be fixed. corey hart can surrender and wear his sunglasses at night, jim edmonds can put on more mascara and become the drag queen he’s always wanted to be… alcides escobar can finally marry his batshit-sane baby’s mama and have the family he always dreamed of having.

    and most importantly, suppan can be the MVP of the NLCS again, without even having to pitch in it.

    actually my ass is pained in that i didn’t dump jj hardy for mcgehee in one of my leagues, and now someon else did it and my MI slot will forever mock me… unless i go with baby’s dady escobar.

  4. Pingback: » What advice to give him?

  5. Fellow Drunkard on said:

    Vince baby, you gotta write more of these faux-conversations! They are eff-ing entertaining!

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