Hey, you. Mark Burns? I'm sorry, Mike Burns. Listen Mark, I want to talk to you about your pitching. It's not good. I'm just going to come right out and tell you right now that if Dave Bush comes back from the DL, I am sending you down to the minors. We're also looking into some trades right now and if we find the right fit, we will demote you. Just wanted to let you know.

Same goes for you too Seth. We probably won't release you or send you to the minors, but you're definitely out of the rotation. I won't have it. I might actually decide to trade you if you keep this up.  Just so you know, nothing personal. I just find you to be a terrible pitcher and don't really like you as a person. Nothing personal though.

Hey Mr. Mustache, are you going to make a freakin' trade or what? Do I have to do everything for myself around here? Get me some help. We can't spot every team four run leads. Seriously, how hard is your job? Pick up the phone and do something.

Prince, put that down. Don't eat that. Dammit man, we're All-Stars. Eat like one. I don't care if it's a veggie burger, Krispy Kremes are not buns.

What are you looking at Corey? Why don't you get a freakin' haircut and shave your face? You're a Milwaukee Brewer, not a Milwaukee Meth Cook.

Yo A-Dub, cool shirt. With that being said, learn how to write would you? You misspelled home run last week. I don't need that.

'Oh look at me, I'm Casey McGehee. I'm getting all these hits, but I can't even play the field.' Come on, man. Even I can play third base better than you.

Speaking of third base, where's Bill Hall? He better be in the batting cage so help me God.

Hey Jeff Suppan just wanted to congratulate you on pitching so well for the first time in your life. Great work.

You guys know what would be cool to have on our team? A pitcher that hits like a pitcher batting 8th. Oh wait we already have that. His name is Jason Kendall. Nevermind.

Macha take Willie with you and go get my dry cleaning. It's the least you could do to help this team.

Braun out.

Vince Morales is the guy who runs this site. He likes the Milwaukee Brewers, pro wrestling and beer. If he offended you he is very, very sorry.

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13 comments on “Ryan Braun has a funny way of inspiring people

  1. Anonymous on said:

    Jason Kendall is a “pitcher that hits like a pitcher”?

  2. Anonymous on said:

    I agree the stache has to do something to get us going, it’s about time, but don’t put this on Macha. And agreed with #1, wth? Not every catcher hits like Brian McCann

  3. Anonymous on said:

    Thanks for the link to the krispy cream burger, now I have a mission for today.

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  6. Anonymous on said:

    Priceless post. Nice.

  7. Anonymous on said:

    Braun may be the first person in the history of baseball to get beaned by his own pitcher.

  8. Anonymous on said:

    i think we all know we need pitching, its not ryan braun’s fault that hes the only one with enough balls to say it.

  9. Anonymous on said:

    this is still hilarious though

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  11. Anonymous on said:

    How Stupidddd!!!!

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