Dear Bill Hall,
Well, it's been fun hasn't it? Milwaukee, I like to think, was pretty good to you. You were the only player on the team to get his own specialized chant (Bill clap, clap, clapclap, HALL, Bill...) which is a feat that may never be duplicated since the majority of fans only seem capable of doing the "Let's Go Brewers" chant. (Seriously, we can't do any better than that? Are we that devoid of creativity? Any chance "Less filling!", "Tastes great!" can come back?) You had that one amazing season which was a total fluke, but you got paid for it anyways. As time went on you got progressively worse and despite maintaining your excellent defensive skill you slipped to the point that your contract was the only thing keeping you on the team. It was sad to see as you were one of my favorites, but if you're not hitting it doesn't matter how much people like you. That's just the way it is. I always knew you had the goods, but something just didn't work. Were you trying to hit 35 homeruns on every swing? Because that's not you. You are more like a 20 guy. I am convinced that season was the worst thing that ever happened to you.
Through it all though, you always kept that amazingly white smile. Seriously, look at that picture above. Your teeth are whiter than that girl's jacket. If your teeth were any whiter they'd be fluorescent. How you never got paid a million dollars just to be a teeth model for a local dentistry, I will never know. I just want you to know Bill that I sincerely wish you great luck in Seattle. I used to live there and the people are pretty cool, a little pinko-hippie (I heard your new at-bat music was performed by moe.), but cool and I think they will really appreciate your smile. This is a team that pinned their 2009 hopes on Ken Griffey Jr and you know it wasn't because of his bat, it was because of that smile. Not as impossibly white as yours, but still inordinately white nonetheless.
So Bill, so long and thanks for all the memories. I'll never forget your smile on the scoreboard staring down at me as you struck out. Something about it made me always think "you know what, everything is going to be okay." And that's why I know that in the end everything is going to work out for you. You just have too much talent to never figure it all out and your smile is too bright to ever burn out.
Miller Park Drunk
Tags: bats, brewers, cans, chant, clap clap, contracts, creativity, dear bill, dentistry, drunks, fan, fluke, hippie, homerun, homeruns, ken griffey jr, majors, memories, million dollars, milwaukee, music, one of my favorites, scoreboard, seattle, stares, swing, tastes, teeth, white smile, whiteness