April 10th 2008. 6:30 PM. Top of the 8th inning. The Cubs and Brewers are tied 3-3.
[Eric Gagne starts to walk towards the bullpen door, but David Riske stops him.]
DAVID RISKE: Eric, you don't have to do this. I'm here. I'm really here. What do you call that?
[Guns N' Roses "Welcome to the Jungle" starts to play.]
ERIC GAGNE: Hey, you hear that? This is where I belong. Gotta go.
[Eric Gagne exits the bullpen and heads towards the mound.]
DAVID RISKE: (crying) No. Eric! ERICCCCCCCCCC!
FANS: (groan) Ugh.
[Gagne makes his way to the mound, but instead of throwing the customary warmup pitches he calls for a microphone.]
ERIC GAGNE: I just want to say to you all tonight I'm very grateful to be here. A lot of people told me that I'd never pitch again and that's all I do. You know, if you live hard and play hard and you burn the candle at both ends, you pay the price for it. You know in this life you can loose everything you love, everything that loves you. Now I don't hear as good as I used to and I forget stuff and I aint as pretty as I used to be but god damn it I'm still standing here and I'm a reliever. As times goes by, as times goes by, they say "he's washed up", "he's finished" , "he's a loser", "he's all through". You know what? The only one that's going to tell me when I'm through doing my thing is you people here.
FANS: (Lukewarm applause.)
[Eric Gagne gives up homerun on the first pitch.]
ERIC GAGNE: I'm an old broken down piece of meat and I deserve to be all alone, I just don't want you to hate me.
[get really drunk]