While I am still not 100% committed to throwing in the towel on the 2009 Brewers season the fact remains that in order for the Brewers to make the playoffs this season will require a minor miracle. Not quite a water into wine type miracle, but something along the lines of the Brewers bullpen holding a lead, Jason Kendall getting an extra base hit or an awful writer not losing his job when the newspaper industry is going broke. The mere existence of Anthony Witrado gives our season hope.
Whatever happens this season know that this isn't the first time the Brewers have let fans down after a successful season. In 1982 they made the World Series and on August 25th 1983 they were in first place, but by the end of the season they were 11 games back and in a pre-Wild Card world out of the playoffs (not that they would have made it anyways). So if you are feeling let down by the Brewers now, just imagine what it was like in 1983. You know, besides totally awesome.
Or we could just do the imagining for you. That's right, it's Miller Park Drunk: 1983 Edition.
|Guys I hate to say this, but I think we're out of it. The Orioles are just too good.|
|He's right everyone. I have been around this game a long time and I know when to call it quits.|
|What you need to do is learn when to call it quits on that hairdo. You lookin' like a backup dancer from Stayin' Alive.|
|Hang on guys, I got just the song for this occassion. Hang on, let me get the boombox.|
|Moose, if you are putting on "Puttin' on the Ritz" again so help me God..|
|No, I remember last time. That's how we got in this mess in the first place. Trust me, you'll love this song.
/puts in cassette, pushes play
|"Domo arigato, mr. roboto, Mata ah-oo hima de
Domo arigato, mr. roboto, Himitsu wo shiri tai"
|Man, what the hell is this sh*t jack!|
|Seriously Moose, this sounds like the scoreboard is dying. Do you have any swing?|
|Swing? Shiiiiiiiiit. You best put on some soul my brother.|
|Okay, okay I'm sorry guys. I got just the song for you Cecil. Trust me.
/ejects tape, has to wind some tape back into cassette
/inserts new tape and presses play
|"Down in the street there is violence
And a lots of work to be done
No place to hang out our washing
And I can't blame all on the sun, oh no"
|We gonna rock down to Electric Avenue, And then we'll take it higher /points to the sky with both hands when he says higher
|Cracker, you so damn white.|
|His name is Moose, what do you expect? Just be thankful he stopped wearing camouflage under his uniform.|
|This fellas a pretty good singer for a colored boy.|
||What the f@%k you say?|
|Anyone seen that sumbitch Rollie Fingers? Been lookin' for him all season.|
|Last I heard he was doing Family Feud and his arm hurt.|
|God damn pussies, I got one leg!|
|/gets base hit|
|Here's a better question, who thought it'd be a good idea to trade Gorman and replace him with Rick motherf@#%in' Manning. That dude sucks, no offense.|
|It's okay, I know I suck. My OPS is a mere .591.|
|What the f@#k is an OPS? You're batting .229 with no power!|
|I know, but OPS is a better way to evaluate my value as a player.|
|Shut up you damn pussy.|
|You think he's bad try catching this mediocore pitching staff. One out of four starters above league average, give me a damn break.|
|Wait til you hear this next song guys.|
|"Traveling in a fried-out combie
On a hippie trail, head full of zombie
I met a strange lady..."
|She made me nervous!|
|She took me in and made me breakfast, and she said..|
|Do you come from a land down under!?
/triple hi-five with Manning and Simmons
|I'm getting too old for this shit.|
|Who wants lemonade?|
|/takes drag off cigarette
I DO! I DO!!