What are you running for, Corey Hart?

I am nothing if not a people pleaser so when a commenter requested that we do a story about the Brewers being more open to running next year and "what the Brewers are running from?" I had to oblige and present you THE RUNNING SERIES.

Phillies Brewers Baseball

Hi, I'm Corey Hart of the Milwaukee Brewers and I want to be your next county commissioner. Are you tired of those potholes on route 11? Are you sick of the graffiti on traffic signs? Can you tell me a good reason we can't turn left on Sage when coming from Swallowtail Drive? Are you, like me, fed up with my opponents lies and rhetoric when it comes to the well being of our beloved county? If you're not you should be and that's why I need good people like you to come support me in this crucial election to decide our county's future. Let's look at the facts.

MY OPPONENT SAYS: We don't have enough money in the budget to fix the potholes.
FACT: My opponent has been seen eating out at Outback Steakhouse FOUR times in the past month. If we can't afford to fix the potholes, how can we afford to treat you and your political fat cat buddies to a high class meal?

MY OPPONENT SAYS: Every time we cover up the graffiti someone just puts it back up.
FACT: My opponent doesn't want to spend the money to fix the graffiti and would rather use that money to take his wife out to Red Lobster on Valentine's Day using tax payer dollars!

MY OPPONENT SAYS: You can't turn left on Sage from Swallowtail because it's a high risk for accidents.
FACT: His wife is a high risk for accidents because women are bad drivers!

Look I don't want to smear my opponent in the mud like I would a pig down on my family's farm, but I feel that the voters and the taxpayers need to know these things. I'm a simple man like you and I want a good life for my family. My opponent would have you believe that he feels the same way, but if he's a family man why doesn't he celebrate Christmas? Would a family man keep his kids from Santa Claus and presents? Wouldn't a family man sing Christmas carols with his family? He would have you believe he doesn't celebrate Christmas because he's Jewish, but I have it on record that he has never been to Israel! Is that the kind of man you want running your county?

votehart

I'm Corey Hart and I approve this message.

Vince Morales is the guy who runs this site. He likes the Milwaukee Brewers, pro wrestling and beer. If he offended you he is very, very sorry.

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One comment on “What are you running for, Corey Hart?

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