Baseball October 16th, 2014
Milwaukee, WI-- As the Kansas City Royals reach their first World Series in nearly twenty years, local 34-year old Griffin Hogan told reporters Wednesday that he always knew this would happen and that the Brewers "totally dropped the ball on Yost," saying that he wishes they would've never let him go.
Hogan, who works mostly nights as a pizza delivery driver, said that after listening to parts of the Royals clinching win over the Orioles he thinks that Ned Yost may be the greatest manager in all of baseball.
"I only really heard the first inning and a little bit near the end, Wednesdays are kinda busy at the Pizza Man, but it just seemed like everything Yost did was working. He seems like a real baseball genius," said Hogan, who added that he usually goes to one or two Brewers games a year when he gets the free tickets from BP. "I haven't really been paying much attention to baseball over the past couple of years though. I'm more of a football guy, big time Packer fan over here. Is Ben Sheets still on the Brewers?"
"The thing I liked about Yost is that he played for the Brewers and then he coached them later on," Hogan told reporters, "I though that was really cool."
According to Hogan, the strategy that he used was good old fashioned baseball and it reminded him of the type of things they used to do on his little league team. "Back then," he remembered, "we'd do anything to score some runs. It didn't matter who was up or who was pitching, we just tried to score and if you could throw a strike, you could pitch. We really had no idea what we were doing, but it was fun."
Following the game, the local man was so excited that he went onto his Facebook page and posted "Way to go Royals! World Series! #YOSTED" The post received four likes and two comments, one which read "i thought u wre a Brewers fan dude" and another which read "hell yea!" At press time, Hogan had not responded to either comment.
"I didn't even know they were still playing baseball. How long does it go? I feel like when I was a kid the World Series was in like August. Is that right?" said a surprised Hogan, who admitted he was just looking for some Packers talk radio. "I like to listen to the callers and see what they have to say. I never call myself, but maybe one day I will. I've got a lot of strong opinions about Mike McCarthy. And don't even get me started on Dom Capers. They should've fired him years ago."
When asked if he will be watching the World Series to cheer for Yost and the Royals, Hogan said "If there aren't any Packers games on or any good songs on 102.1, I'll probably put it on the radio while I'm working," adding "It'd be cool for Yost to win, but I'm not like making special plans or anything."
When the Brewers played their last game of 2014 it was also the last game that Rickie Weeks will play for the Brewers. To some this will be good riddance. To others it's been a long time coming. To me? It's the end of an era.
Rickie Weeks has been my favorite Brewers since before he was a Brewer. It was Rickie Weeks being drafted number two overall that brought the Brewers back in to my mind when I lived faraway. It was write-ups on Baseball Prospectus about Weeks and the other baby Brewers that made me say things like "the Brewers are going to win the World Series in five years". It was going to see those guys play in a shitty minor league game in Mobile, Alabama. It was Rickie Weeks, for better or worse, who got me into all of this and it was Rickie Weeks who was my favorite baseball player. Read the rest of this entry »
Well, it's that time of year again; time for the kids to go back to school. Football starts, fall comes and the kids go back to class. As a parent, I know how hard this can be. You not only have to go to crappy school concerts, help your kid with their stupid homework and get weird emails about Scott Walker from your kid's teacher, but you also lose out on a lot of important family time. Time when you can be teaching your kid to listen to you, to be a good person and, most importantly, not be a dickbag. Instead of spending time and learning with you, they go to school and spend their whole day with other shitty kids. Kids whose parents pack a $5 Footlong in their lunchbox and hope it lasts all week. Kids who will start selling weed in four years, start having kids of their own in five and start paying taxes never. Worse than that, they are also spending a ton of time with their teacher. There are (probably?) some good teachers out there who can help your kid become a better person, but most of them suck a bag of dicks. English majors who realized they couldn't do anything else with their degrees, guys who grew up with the goal of being a gym teacher (seriously, that's what they wanted to do with their lives on purpose), girls who are just biding time until someone gets them pregnant, old bags who need to die already and music/art/business teachers who failed so badly at their chosen passion that they ended up teaching it. Schools are pretty much the worst place for your kids to figure out how to be a decent person and your kid is definitely going to turn into an asshole by going to one. Which I suppose is better than growing up to be a serial killer like home schooled kids, but not by much.
What if I told you there was a way to send your kids to school and make sure they hear your positive messages?
What if I told you there was a way to do this without seeming overbearing, but by being cool and hip?
What if I told you that kids will be begging for it?
And that I am going to offer it free to you right now?
Is that something you'd be interested in? Read the rest of this entry »
What a season! So much drama! So much excitement! So much baseball! So much shittiness and despair!
I never felt great about the season. Those first couple months were pretty cool, but it never felt quite right. There was just something.. off. It felt like the things that went right went a little too right, if that makes sense. They were good, but deep down I think that everyone knew that they weren't that good. In the end, they are who we thought they were.
Or at least who Doug Melvin thought they were. I've seen people calling for Melvin's head after this season, but that's really dumb. Why? Because this is a real-life conversation that Doug Melvin had with Mark Attanasio before the season:
Did they think things might be different when they were riding high in first place in July? Sure! But Doug is smart enough to know the team's true talent level. He's smart enough to go to Fangraphs and look at the Playoff Odds. On the night of the trade deadline, the night they traded for Gerardo Parra, the Brewers had a 2 game lead in the division. Their odds winning the division? A a mere 31.2% compared to the Cardinals' 38.1%. Do you think Doug didn't know this? Do you think Doug didn't share this info with Mark Attanasio? You're lying to yourself. They knew this team's talent.
But what about Roenicke? Shouldn't he take the blame? Why didn't they fire his ass? Well, they already extended him for 2015 so if they fired him, they'd have to pay two managers. I'm guessing they don't want to pay two six figure salaries for one shitty job. (I say shitty job because clearly they can't hire a manager with a shred of creativity or the ability to think an inch outside of the box.) Second, you probably can't blame Ron Roenicke for that collapse. Why? Because...
This is Ron Roenicke during a 10-game winning streak:
And this is Ron Roenicke during a 10-game losing streak:
He doesn't know what the hell is going on. He is tangentially aware that a team is winning or losing more than the opposite, but he doesn't have anything to do with it. When people say that the manager can't control what the players do on the field, they are talking about Ron Roenicke. He writes names on a piece of paper, he makes a call to the bullpen and that's about it. He isn't Phil Jackson installing the Triangle Offense, he's a guy who writes names on a piece of paper. He is meaningless.
So, who's to blame? We have to blame SOMEONE. There is no way a team could go from first place to third and miss the playoffs in the final two months of the season without SOMEBODY being at fault. This sucked and SOMEONE has to pay. Who? Who do we blame? Who is the motherfucker who ruined my fall? Who deserves to get fired for this shit?
If you are pissed and calling for the head of someone from the Brewers, take a look in a mirror.
THIS IS YOUR FAULT
YOU are the one who thought the Cardinals and Pirates weren't going to make a run.
YOU are the one who thought Wily Peralta was for real.
THE BREWERS ARE DOING THE BEST THEY CAN
YOU are the one who made excuses for Lyle Overbay.
YOU are the one who cheered K-Rod.
RON ROENICKE IS A SMART, EDUCATED MAN
YOU are the one who believed.
YOU are the one who wished for this.
The Brewers will be back in 2015 for more baseball action! Stay tuned to brewers.com for more information on tickets, merchandise and Hank the Dog! Woof woof baseball!
I've been holding this one in my back pocket until former Brewers pop-up machine Yuniesky Betancourt tricked another team into signing him or, worse yet, was taken back by the Brewers. Fortunately, the Phillies fell victim to the veteran middle infielder's cherubic Cuban charm, inking him to a minor league deal to serve as an insurance policy for the empty shells which once encased Jimmy Rollins and Chase Utley.
Anyway, we're getting dangerously close to becoming "The Best Phillies Blog In The World" too, so I'll just get to the original point of this post. A few weeks ago, my pal and former Right Field Bleachers cohort, Jared, alerted me to a little musical number called "The Best Song Ever Written About Yuniesky Betancourt" he found on MySpace. Anxious to see if the lofty claim was true, I didn't even remember to make fun of Jared for using MySpace.
Written and performed by a band called "Green Bay" (but with the Green Day font and baffling use of skulls as cover art), the two-minute song manages to be both the best song about Yuniesky Betancourt AND the worst song about anything ever. Essentially, it's just 120 seconds of some dude dicking around on a piano and mispronouncing Yunie's name. It's pretty rough, and I should know. I'm the official expert on this song. As I write this, the song has only been played four times... three of which are by me. It was uploaded Sept. 9, 2011... when Betancourt was in his final month or so with Milwaukee, for reasons unknown.
The band's catalog is a treasure trove of cringe-inducing goodness. Each song is like two minutes long and none have more than 15 plays. Some of what awaits you...
"Shaun Marcum Wins Lots Of Games"
"Oh oh oh Shaun Marcum. He's a very good pitcher for the Brewers. No on can stop-a Shaun Marcum. He can not be stopped. Shaun Marcum is playing for the Brewers. He's winnin' lots of games for the Brewers. Nobody can hit Shaun Marcum because he pitches with such precision."
I'm as big of a Marcum apologist as you'll ever meet and I disagree with most of that. The accompaniment of a keyboard on accordion setting saves the whole thing, though.
"Jonathan Lucroy (Oh Joy! Oh Boy!)"
Actually pretty amazing. I mean, it's amazing he found two other people to harmonize with for the chorus. Otherwise, this one's predictably bad too.
"Corey Hart Has Heart"
I like how this on makes reference to how Corey Hart's last name (Hart) sounds like the word "heart" and that Corey Hart has heart and that he plays on the Milwaukee Brewers. I counted "Corey Hart has heart" being sang or spoken 25 total times in 1:27. The best part is when the lead singer says "sing it boys!" and the other vocalist is also him.
"Casey McGehee is a Fine Man"
Though awful as well, this 1:21 nightmare starts off innocently enough: jangling piano, a throaty off-key howl butchers McGehee's last name, that same voice reminds us that Casey was a Brewers player when this song was written. But Green Bay quickly takes artistic liberty by making a bunch of unsupported claims. Such outrageous statements include:
- Casey finds a way to get on base.
- If he ran for mayor of Milwaukee, he'd be voted in to lead the city (don't bring politics into something already flawed enough).
- Every girl in Wisconsin loves [him] and goes crazy for [him]. They all love [him] and [he] gets the pick of whichever one is most pretty. (Aside from the creepy visual, I'm pretty sure Kevin Mench had more pull in his time with the Brewers)
- He's a good player. (who was traded for Jose Veras and nobody cared, especially the ladies)
"John Axford, The Man With The Moustache"
"Who's gonna get the save? The man who doesn't shave. The man who is so brave. John Axford. Axford, the man who pitches real fast. Axford, the man with the moustache."
Oh great, now I'm sterile.
"Ryan Braun Is The Real Deal!"
That seals it. Ready the Braun bust for Cooperstown. One part that gets me is the lyrics "All the other players kind of make me yawn, but not future Hall Of Famer Ryan Braun." Doesn't any player with talent that's Casey McGehee-level or higher make this guy shoot and influence the way he votes? Or did I vastly underestimate how bad this guy wanted to bone Casey McGehee?
BONUS NON-BREWERS SONG
"Why Did They Trade Richard Jefferson?"
To get expiring contracts. Revisionist history aside, that motive seemed obvious when the trade was made.
Based on the songs about Trevor Hoffman, wanting Favre to stay in Green Bay, Jason Kendall and one called "Bill Hall's Gonna Be Good Again!", it's seems like the musicians (or people who own instruments, rather) behind Green Bay called it quits in late 2011... unless their dropping acid in a crawl space somewhere, hard at work writing a double-LP concept album about how Ekpe Udoh is a good player and that he is on the Bucks.
They say all good things must come to an end. I suppose that's also true for terrible, embarrassing, boner-demolishing things. We'll always have "The Best Song Ever Written About Yuniesky Betancourt" -- the fittingly dreadful and error-riddled audio reminder of the starting shortstop for a Brewers team that we'll never forget.
This post was written by Tyler Maas. Find him now at Milwaukee Record.