Miller Park Drunk

MARYVALE, Ariz. -- In a story that is sure to rock the baseball world in the same way that Ron Washington's recent positive test for cocaine has, it has been revealed that Brewers manager Ken Macha has tested positive for the prescription sleep drug Ambien.

Hours after the news broke Macha admitted that he made a "huge mistake" and regrets anyone he may as hurt in his matter. He said, simply, "It's not my fault. It's these damn kids with their rock 'n' rollin music, drinking and carrying on that is keeping me up all night. I remember when a good night's sleep started when the sun went down. It's not like that anymore and I did what I had to do."

While not currently considered a PED, Ambien is still a powerful insomnia drug that is known to put it's users right to sleep. It is not currently suspected that Macha used the drug during any games, but judging by the Brewers 80-82 record last season some skeptics remain. Read the rest of this entry »

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My buddy John called me the other day to talk a little bit about the Brewers, one of the things he said to me was "dude, Gregg Zaun is awful." Now, I'm pretty sure that he judged this completely off of the one televised game the Brewers had shown at the time. Or maybe he is basing it off of his career numbers. Either way, he is pretty sure that Gregg Zaun is awful. Which is okay by him because "as long as you are a Brewers fan, you shouldn't expect any production out of the catcher position".

Of course, he's right. Dave Nilsson and BJ Surhoff were probably the two best catchers the Brewers have had in the past twenty years and their best seasons came away from the dish. The rest of the list is filled with a who's who of backup catchers from other, far better teams. If your team has ever signed Jason Kendall and had him be considered an "upgrade", you can be pretty sure your catcher wasn't that good.

Of course, he's also wrong. You don't judge Gregg Zaun by the same standard that you judge, say, Corey Hart. A catcher's body gets extremely beaten up over the season (and in Jason Kendall's case, his face too), while Corey Hart's just gets tatt-ed up. Hitting isn't the be-all, end-all of the catcher position. As an outfielder or a DH, Gregg Zaun IS awful, but as a catcher he is average to above average. It's all relative. (He's also wrong because as of this writing Gregg Zaun is hitting .417 in spring training! WOOO!) Read the rest of this entry »

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Hey Milwaukee, how's it going man? Alright. It's your amigo Barry Zito here and I just want to holler at you for a quick second here about Prince Fielder, alright. Last season Prince Fielder sent some serious bad vibes our way with his walk-off homerun celebration and a lot of us Giants are still pissed about it, bro. That was really bad karma and we just didn't appreciate it, man. We were in the midst of a playoff race and just tryin' to keep on winnin' man, w-i-n-i-n.

/takes off shirt

We weren't happy about the loss and I didn't really like havin' it thrown in our faces. Since I am starting against the Brewers today some people want me to throw at Prince, but that's not really my style man. I'd just assume keep a little change in my pocket and not get suspended.

/talks about what's under the hood

I went up to Guillermo Mota and asked him if he wanted to throw at Prince, but he said no. It'd be a lot cooler if he did.

/smokes pot Read the rest of this entry »

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It's spring training for the players right now, but it's also spring training for some of the fans. Get caught up and get all your questions answered in Miller Park Drunk's Better Know Your Brewers feature. It's like a casual guide for the casual fan. Today's feature is the coaching staff.

MANAGER: Ken Macha
DEFINING CHARACTERISTIC: Lame duck.
2010 CHALLENGE: Get Brewers to the playoffs.
ODDS OF SUCCESS: Medium.
MADE UP FACT YOU NEED TO KNOW: He thought he could fool us by changing one letter, but Macha is actually made from paper mache.
INTERESTING FACTS THAT ARE TRUE: Macha holds a first degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do. In his free time he enjoys golf and turkey hunting.
THING TO YELL IF HE SUCKS: "Hey Maccarena, aaahai!" Read the rest of this entry »

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It is officially my favorite time of the year.

The weather is slowly starting to get better, spring training has begun and Wrestlemania is right around the corner. Yeah, I said Wrestlemania. Just like everyone that didn't get laid enough wrestling was a big part of my life growing up. I mean, who didn't have a Stone Cold, Rock or nWo t-shirt in that sweet 97-2000 period? Losers, that's who. This should come as no surprise to any of you really. After all, Miller Park Drunk WAS the site that originally suggested the Ultimate Warrior theme for Todd Coffey and we all know how that turned out.

I don't watch as much wrestling as I did back then, but I usually always end up checking it out around Wrestlemania time. If you're looking for a good show, it's a pay-per-view that never lets you down unlike the majority of boxing and the occasional UFC PPVs I have watched over the years (one of the many positives of watching a fake sport.) Sure, there is still some stupid stuff on the show like last year's 20 minute Kid Rock concert, but overall at the end of the show I always feel as if I've gotten my money's worth and it's a perfect set-up drinking-wise for Opening Day. Last season was the perfect storm for my Wrestlemania/baseball orgy as Wrestlemania was Sunday, I went to Twins Opening Day on Monday and then made it home Tuesday for the Brewers first game of the season. Just a great three days of drinking, sporting, hanging with my friends and, of course, drinking. It's spread a bit further out this year, but for some strange reason nothing gets me ready for baseball season like Wrestlemania.

Now all these thoughts of wrestling and baseball have me mixing up the two. Was it Kane that Tombstoned Pete Rose or was that Richie Sexson? Who won 1992 Rookie of the Year for the Brewers, Pat Listach or The Repo Man? The more I thought about it, the more I realized that the reason I am confusing the two so much is because they are so much alike. Richie Sexson was who he was because of his size, just like Kane. Pat Listach basically stole the Rookie of the Year award from Kenny Lofton and then disappeared a few years later because he wasn't that good, just like the Repo Men basically stole people's cars and disappeared because he wasn't that good. (Sidenote: how did Listach get  so many at-bats in 96-97? He was awful, I'm talking Shockmaster awful.) The comparisons are endless. However, for the purposes of this article we'll be limiting the comparisons to players currently on the team. So without any further adieu I present to you...

Miller Park Drunk's Guide to Brewers as WWF/E Stars

Read the rest of this entry »

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