Category Archives: milwaukee brewers

Goodbye Corey Hart

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I don't give a crap what happens in today's Milwaukee Brewers game. I really, really don't. After last night's 15-1 loss that saw me:

  1. Drink warm beer on the drive up.
  2. Sweat more than I ever have in my entire life during the first two innings. Seriously, with the roof and panels closed Miller Park turns into the world's largest sauna.
  3. Get flaked out on by a date (shut up, female commenters).
  4. Not even enjoy a Rickie Weeks homerun.
  5. Leave early. (!)

It wasn't the best day for me and after all of that, I don't really feel like watching or caring today. The playoff chances that me and like two other people were holding onto are now gone. The Milwaukee Brewers will not make the playoffs. The Milwaukee Brewers will be lucky to finish around .500. This isn't that bad of a thing. [I don't actually believe this one bit. It is the frickin' worst thing. - Editor] I guess we should have seen this coming after Trevor Hoffman blew all those saves and we had that one losing streak, right? We dug a big, early hole that was going to be near impossible to dig our way out of. We weren't able to do the impossible and now we will not make the playoffs. It happens, we'll try again next year (which I am totally pumped for by the way). This season is over.

This doesn't mean that I am going to quit this site or even write less. Hell, I'll probably write more now that this weight of contention is off of my shoulders. This worrying about the outcomes of every single game. I can just enjoy the games and the Miller Park experience. I can go into a few games during the third inning and not feel like I am missing anything. As a matter of fact, I think I will do that for all future Chris Narveson starts. I really wanted this season to work out, but it didn't. I can deal with this.

Now I'll be right back to talk about Corey Hart. I just need a minute to process. I'm just going to watch this music video a few times and reflect on my entire life.

It pours. Man, it pours.

/wipes eyes

Okay, aaannnnndddd I'm good. I'm back. I never wanted them to do good this season anyways. [Again, a total lie. I wanted them to do good so bad. -Editor]

At some point during yesterday's loss I realized that this may be one of the last times I see Corey Hart in person as a member of the Milwaukee Brewers. I've gotten a lot of mileage out of Corey Hart jokes on this site and I've complained about him quite a bit in the past too. What can I say? It was the cool thing to do. Still, I am really going to miss the guy and not just for the jokes. [This is sort of a lie. I will really miss the jokes. -Editor] The truth is that I've always liked Corey Hart, but he's just always seemed to let me down. I wanted him to be good, like he is now, for so long that he just ended up letting me down so many times that I lashed out. Its like when my son tells me he doesn't want to watch Wall-E. I mean, Why wouldn't you want to watch Wall-E? It's a tale of true robot love and a little robot could that shows more emotion than your stupid Veggietales could ever dream of and you don't want to watch it? What the hell is wrong with you, little kid? Its stupid and irrational for me to get this upset about it, but that's how I've always thought. Why can't you be better, Corey? And then, of course, it happened and I was too stupid to realize it. Continue reading »

Corey Hart wonders why Prince Fielder hates him

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ST. LOUIS, MO- Prince Fielder hit his 18th homerun of the season last night in a Milwaukee Brewers win over the St. Louis Cardinals and at least one Milwaukee Brewer is wondering what he ever did to deserve that.

"I thought we'd kind of established that hitting homeruns was my thing this year and then out of nowhere Prince just comes up and ties me for the team lead. He's been the guy hitting them out the past few seasons, but I thought he was going to let me have a turn. It's like I thought we were friends, you know?"

Hart wanted to make it clear that he was happy that the team was winning and admitted that he hasn't been hitting them out as well as he was earlier in the season, but still thinks that Prince could have went about it in a different way.

"You don't see me opening Corey Hart's Restaurant in the 3rd ward, do you? You don't see me having a son with CP, do you? You know why? Because I'm a good teammate, I don't want to step on anybody's toes. Maybe Prince should think about that and start listening when Craig Counsell talks." Hart said, "Craig would never do that to a teammate. Hell, he'd never even hit one homerun. That's how good of a teammate he is. You're lucky to get a hit of that guy."

Hart, who is in the midst of a 16 game hitting streak, says that he plans to hit one out of the park soon, but can't specify a date or location. Hart said "It's going to happen when it happens. I just hope that Prince doesn't hit any out between now and the time I finally hit another one. That would suck."

Hart's teammates are aware of his frustrations about Prince Fielder's recent power surge and some have offered to help.

"I told him that if I could come into the game for the other team when he was playing that I would totally give up a homerun to him, Soup did too before he was released," disgraced closer Trevor Hoffman said. "I like him a hell of a lot better than the Pirates, Cardinals and Reds players I've given up homers to this season. Nick Stavinoha? That guy just sounds like a dick."

Hart said that he plans to take some extra batting practice with hitting coach Dale Sveum and maybe watch The Blind Side for the 48th time this weekend in St. Louis. The story of "big" Mike Oher and his white family is his favorite movie.

"You think they're teaching him, but really he's teaching them. Teaching them how to love."

When asked about the possibility of making the 2010 All-Star team, Corey Hart said that he'd rather just focus on the homerun race between him and his teammate.

"If I make the All-Star team I'll probably just completely fade in the second half of the season like I did last time. I don't want to think about that. I just want to hit more homeruns than this fat, stupid asshole batting behind me."

Yovani Gallardo is bonafide

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Yesterday Yovani Gallardo pitched in what was probably his 2nd or 3rd worst start of the season for the Milwaukee Brewers. Which is funny because I never for one second thought that the game was in doubt. When Yovani hits homeruns, the Brewers win. It's just that easy, but it's more than that too. When Yovani gets the ball, we expect to win. Something is happening here. Something amazing and every time Yovani Gallardo takes the mound for the Brewers is becoming must see TV. He is the Seinfeld of the Brewers TV lineup. (Randy Wolf? The Marriage Ref.)

How good has Yovani been? Well, including yesterday's start he's been the fourth most valuable player in the National League according to WAR (Wins Above Replacement). Not pitcher, player. Think about that for a second. All season long we have heard and talked about Hart's power surge or Casey McGehee's continued success at the plate, but we haven't heard much about Yovani Gallardo. He's not only been the team's ace, but he's been the team's MVP and put himself in the conversation for best pitcher in the National League. Seriously. Thus far this season Yovani has been better than Johan Santana, Roy Halladay (not by much, but still), Tim Hudson, Roy Oswalt, Tim Lincecum, Adam Wainwright and Chris Carpenter. This is really happening.

And to think just under two months ago Anthony Witrado said this about him: Continue reading »

Why do people do the things that they do?

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I had this friend once, we've all had this friend once or twice, that broke up with his girlfriend and it was an ugly breakup. People were put in the middle of things that they wanted no part of, friendships were lost and the whole thing was wholly un-enjoyable for everyone. After things started to blow over he started to call her at bar time, you know what for. This was a terrible decision. Sure, the reason he called her would work out in his favor, but it was the morning and the days after that would be the problem. The same old drama would bring itself back up and they'd have to have a talk. Nobody likes to have talks. I once saw a man jump out of a five story building to avoid having a talk. Still, a week later the same thing would happen all over again. Why?

Prince Fielder likes to swing at high fastballs. He does this a lot. He does this a lot with two strikes on him when you and me and everyone we know know it's coming. Hey Prince, don't swing at this pitch because it's going to be a high fastball and you can't catch up to it! And then he strikes out. This happens all the time. There is no way that the other team doesn't know that he likes to swing at high fastballs because everyone knows he likes to swing at high fastballs and they continue to be thrown at him in these types of situations. Most of the time, he strikes out. Why?

I am a regular attendant of what people like to call "after bars". The period between whenever I arrived at the bar (anywhere from 1PM to 12AM) until the time they close is just not enough for me sometimes and I need to go somewhere that I can drink more. I don't really care where it is; my place, a backyard, a hotel room, a friend of mine who still lives with his parents' basement or anywhere else. Hell, I don't care WHAT it is. I once had an after bar with a bottle of Apple Pucker. I just like to continue drinking with people long after the bar is closed. No matter what I have to do in the morning, I do this. I know it's not smart or necessary, I just do it. Why?

Manny Parra has a problem with pitch counts. It takes him a lot of pitches to get through innings. In his seven starts this season he has never made it past the sixth inning and in every game that he has made it through at least 5 he has thrown over 90 pitches. This isn't efficient. For Manny Parra to give himself and the team the best chance at winning he needs to go deeper into games, but he doesn't. Why? Continue reading »