19
Jan 11

Prince Fielder is the highest paid Milwaukee Brewer of all time

Milwaukee, WI -- Prince Fielder settled his arbitration case with the Milwaukee Brewers and will now make $15.5 million dollars to play in 2011 making him the highest paid Milwaukee Brewer of all time. He gets a $5m raise over last season and has now made over $36.7 million in his Brewers playing career. He surpasses teammate Zack Greinke and former Brewer Jeff Suppan to become the highest paid player in team history.

"I still made $42 million from that team in my career so I don't really care." Said Jeff Suppan when asked about losing the team record. "Prince still can't touch me there."

Added Suppan "Can I get a plug in? Print this article out for 15% off your next meal at Soup's. Don't miss $5 Fridays and our Fast Pitch lunch specials. Go Cardinals."

Fielder doesn't know what he plans to do with the money, but according to his wife he is going to save every penny. "Prince has another thing coming if he thinks he's going to spend all that money on a fancy new car or something for himself. That money is going straight to me and the kids. College fund, school clothes, braces, books, toys, Justin Bieber performing at their birthday party; only the best for our kids and don't forget about me. Don't even think about forgetting about me Prince" said Chanel, who does all the hard work around here anyway. "Prince can keep driving the mini van. There's nothing wrong with it."

When reached for comment Fielder's agent Scott Boras just threw money in the air and laughed maniacally. Our attempts to follow up failed when his secretary said that he was "super crunk" from drinking a virgin's blood and that it'd be best to leave.

According to long time teammate Corey Hart it would be a good idea for Prince, who has been a vegetarian since 2008, to go get a cheeseburger from McDonalds.

"He's always going on about how when he was a kid he did a McDonalds commercial with his dad and Cecil didn't buy him a cheeseburger. 'A double cheeseburger was only $1.19!' he says it every time we pass a McDonalds. It's like you're a millionaire just buy yourself a cheeseburger, man."

Fielder has also expressed some worry about his new found fortune. "I just keep hearing about how more money means more problems and that doesn't sound very cool. And then I heard this song that was like 'money must be funny in a rich man's world' which I have no idea what that meant, but it doesn't sound good. Really catchy though."

At press time, Fielder decided it was best not to spend any money and stick with the 2008 Honda Odyssey he'd been driving for the past three years. "It's just been so good to us, you know?"


18
Jan 11

This Week in Witardo: Goodbye

I have a lot of friends who have graduated college and are now on the job market. It's not easy finding a job in today's world, but they are looking and they are doing whatever it takes to get the job. Many of them go so far as to delete their facebook or simply change their names on facebook so as not to be found by potential employers searching the internet. That is part of the job process now. You want to get hired? Prepare to be Googled. Any bad thing you wrote on myspace four years ago, any bad picture you've posted, any racist comment you left on a message board or any sex video you've accidentally sent someone will be found by these people and they won't hire you. If you want a job you need to keep your Google search clean. Don't do anything stupid. Don't piss anyone off. Don't show anything.

(And that's why I only make seven dollars an hour shoveling snow at the graveyard.)

Anthony Witrado is leaving the Journal Sentinel. The worst writer many of us have ever seen (and possibly the worst beat writer at any daily newspaper in the country) has been hired by The Sporting News. For those of you who don't follow these things AOL Fanhouse has folded into The Sporting News who will now be providing all their online content. Which means that bloggers like Bethlehem Shoals of FreeDarko fame will soon be out of work and hacks like Witrado will take his place. I see that working out really well. We've wanted Witrado fired for a long time, but for him to leave for what we're presuming is a better job leaves a bad taste in our mouth. It's like if Jeff Suppan left and won the Cy Young for the Cardinals then took them to the World Series where he was named MVP. It's just not right. These people deserve to fail. They wasted our time with their crappy performances and they need to get what is coming to them. I didn't just want Anthony Witrado to not write for my daily anymore, I don't want him to write anything.

The story on the street is that Garry Howard, former JS Editor, is now the editor at The Sporting News and he is responsible for the Witrado hire. As Al from Al's Ramblings said to me about the hire "it's not what you know, but who you know" and I don't think that has eever fit a situation better. Far be it from me to understand how someone could read that guy's work for however many years (or even see the way he dresses at work) and think he'd do a good job, but that's what happened. I can understand that some people have terrible taste in sports writing, but what I don't understand is how someone could hire Anthony Witrado without Googling him. I mean, seriously, Jeffrey Dahmer has better search results and he murdered 17 people. Continue reading →


13
Jan 11

The inevitable Yuniesky Betancourt post

When the Brewers first made the Zack Greinke trade I posted on twitter "I'm so happy that its going to be like two weeks before I notice the Brewers got the worst player in the MLB to play SS" and I've been so happy about all things Brewers for all this time and am still happy about all things Brewers that I've hardly noticed.

Lately thoughts of Yuni have been steadily creeping in and doubts about his defense, his offense, his weight, his everything have been entering my mind more and more until today when Jonah Keri posted a story titled "Brewers Defense: A Roadblack to the World Series?" Like the pregnancy test that ruined my your life, I couldn't ignore Yuniesky Betancourt any longer. It's time to deal with him.

So, what do we know about Yuniesky Betancourt?

He plays shortstop.

He's Cuban.

He was fined, BY THE ROYALS, for a bad play last season.

We can call him Yuni for short.

He's grown since his rookie year.

Mariners fans hate him. Dave Cameron at USS Mariner once said:

We’ve all watched first hand as Yuni has regressed from an athletic young player into a complete waste of space and time. His lack of hard work is nothing new – even after an offseason where he trained with Raul Ibanez, he showed up to camp as the same rotund non-athlete that he was at the end of last year. He’s getting worse at every facet of the game, and at this point, he’s not a major league player.

Royals fans aren't too fond of him either. Joe Posnanski once wrote a whole post trying to find a silver lining in Yuniesky Betancourt being the worst player in baseball.

Yuniesky's career OPS is .689.

Yuniesky has averaged a UZR (Ultimate Zone Rating, a defensive metric) of -12.5 over the past three seasons.

The Brewers will pay him FOUR MILLION dollars this season.

He basically screwed over his agent who helped him get into the country and his contract with the Mariners.

But we're not here to talk about that. We're here to talk about baseball. We're here to talk about Yuniesky Betancourt and whether or not he's going to ruin our season. Short answer: he's not. Long answer after the jump. Continue reading →


31
Dec 10

10 Worst Milwaukee Brewers of 2010

Lost in the shuffle of how awesome 2011 is going to be with the additions of Zack Greinke and Shaun Marcum, was how truly awful 2010 was. Despite our optimism, this team was eliminated by May and had most fans clamoring for a fire sale at the trade deadline. A lot of the reasons for the team's lack of success were stupid ("Ryan Braun is spending too much time on his restaurants and clothing line!"), some of them had basis in reality ("Coffey is eating too much!"), and some of them were just about Ken Macha sucking, but I don't think anyone can deny how much these ten people screwed up the Brewers' 2010 season.

That's right, it's end-of-the-year list time, and instead of looking back on our favorite moments (of which there are two, trading for Shaun Marcum and trading for Zack Greinke), we want to look back on the ten people who screwed the Brewers in 2010 harder than any of the guys your mom brought home. Luckily for us, just like your mom's "night visitors," most of these guys won't be back either. Continue reading →


20
Dec 10

Zack Greinke is our savior

I had a crisis of faith this past season. A crisis of faith in baseball, the MLB and it's system, even the Brewers. I just got tired of it all. The playoffs featuring the big spending Yankees and Phillies, the "underdog" World Series champion with a $100 million dollar payroll, the bargain signings and the Fielder trade rumors. I was just tired of it. Tired of thinking about prospects. Tired of going for 85 wins and luck. Tired of myself. Tired of this town.

When the Brewers made their move for Shaun Marcum those thoughts were completely eliminated. I loved the Brewers again. I had a renewed sense of hope that I just didn't feel last year during the offseason. The Brewers were adding someone to their biggest problem that was a significant upgrade over the people he was replacing. This was huge.

I knew that the Brewers had about an extra 30% chance of making the playoffs with Marcum, but it wasn't going to be enough because even if they made it there were still teams with better pitchers. The Giants haven't changed, the Phillies have only gotten better by adding the best pitcher in the league and the Cardinals remain dangerous. There was always a chance, but it was going to be a serious uphill climb.

TheFightins, a wildly popular Phillies blog, closed earlier this year and I remember wondering if we should do the same. An "if they couldn't make it, what hope do we have?" kind of thing. We might have reached our plateau as far as traffic for a Brewers-only blog goes and the Brewers themselves looked as if they might be looking to rebuild if things didn't go their way this year, with Prince Fielder and my man crush Rickie Weeks likely moving on. Maybe it was time for me to move on too and do something else. I thought about it for about two seconds before deciding against it. I just couldn't do it. So, why does that matter now?

Because the Brewers got Zack Greinke! I mean, can you imagine? If we had decided to close this blog we'd be crawling back to you like a guy whose ex-girlfriend just got a boob job. I'd be begging to be let back into your life. BEGGING! I'd (blank) your (blank), man. I would never forgive myself for closing my Brewers blog right before the Brewers pulled off the greatest trade in the history of baseball.

On Sunday morning I woke up and did a "Zack Greinke dance" for about 15 minutes before my girlfriend threatened to record me and put it on the website. (Honestly, there is enough footage of me with my shirt off on this site.) I had to work that day, but all I wanted to do was stay home and write 3000 blog posts.

ZACK GREINKE! SERIOUSLY!

Zack Greinke Zack Greinke Zack Greinke Zack Greinke Zack Greinke Zack Greinke Zack Greinke Zack Greinke Zack Greinke Zack Greinke Zack Greinke Zack Greinke Zack Greinke Zack Greinke Zack Greinke Zack Greinke Zack Greinke Zack Greinke

I honestly can't remember being happier about a Brewers transaction in my entire life. I rank finding out the trade was official right up there with the greatest moments of my life. THANK YOU DOUG MELVIN.

Greatest moments of my life:

  1. Son being born
  2. Something involving my girlfriend*
  3. Zack Greinke becoming a Brewer

The point here is that I can't imagine what it felt like to want to close this site or to not like baseball anymore because I love this site and baseball and the Brewers more than anything in my life right now. I just want to write, watch and read about the Brewers every second of every day for the rest of my life. The Brewers are going to the World Series and then they are going to win it. We are about to see the greatest Brewers team of our lifetime. Everything that came before will seem like a joke.

Hey, 1982 what a season am I right? Yeah, what a season... FOR LOSERS! 2011 BITCHES!!!!

Remember when the Brewers traded for CC Sabathia and won the Wild Card? HAHAHA THAT WAS HILARIOUS.

Blah blah blah Pete Vuckovich, Ben Sheets, Jamie Navarro, blah blah blah. ZACK FRICKIN' GREINKE!!!!!!!!!11 *crotch chop*

This is the most wonderful time of the year.. Continue reading →

  • BrewBay

    2004 SPx Rickie Weeks patch auto autograph jersey 665/999 Milwaukee Brewers
    2004 SPx Rickie Weeks patch auto autograph jersey 665/999 Milwaukee Brewers
    US $9.99
  • Brewers Tickets

  • E-Mail Miller Park Drunk