Browsing Category: "Baseball"

Meet Bernie Brewer’s new best friend: Clark

CUBBIES, milwaukee brewers January 14th, 2014

The Chicago Cubs unveiled their unBEARably cute new mascot this week and his name is Clark and He Is Adorable. No, seriously, I was going to write this thing making fun of them for having this kid friendly new mascot, but then I saw this picture:

Cubs_Mascot_Baseball_Gasp_t653And I fell in love. Seriously, he's like a grown up Teddy Ruxpin. I just want to put tapes into his back and have him read me bedtime stories forever. When it's really cold out I want to curl up next to him and have him take me with him into hibernation land where our dreams will come alive and we will ride unicorns into rainbows. He's the sweetest, most cuddliest mascot I have ever seen.  He's like Bango if Bango worked for a professional sports team. The Cubs really nailed it on this one and I were the Brewers I'd really be worried about losing fans who only liked the team because of Bernie Brewer because Clark makes Bernie look like... well, the Brewers. Read the rest of this entry »

Don’t tell me this town ain’t got no Hart

milwaukee brewers December 12th, 2013

ihartseattleCorey Hart is a Seattle Mariner and with that signing the dream of the baby Brewers who led Milwaukee to prominence died. No more Prince, no more Hart, Weeks is something and Braun sold his soul. The dream is over. It's not that Hart left (because that contract Seattle gave him is probably dumb) it's that I don't even know who this team wants to be anymore. Like I don't understand what their goals are.

Many of the likeable replacements (Axford, Aoki) are gone too and that's fine if it makes the team better, but what is the goal? If the Brewers are going to suck, why get rid of someone everyone loves like Aoki? If you aren't going to be good and you still want to sell tickets you need to be a little bit better than "Ryan Braun is serious this time guys". In the end we're left being "just one of those teams". You know the ones, they are a baseball team with players. A couple of the players are pretty good, but there is no real hot prospect that everyone is talking about and there is a bunch of veterans that make you say "huh, that guy is still around?" One of those teams. The kind of team that other teams think "Can we get them to trade us Gomez? They don't need him." The team that doesn't really contend, but still has to play 162 games. That's the Brewers right now. They are the 90s all over again. They aren't on the cutting edge of statistical analysis, they aren't in a rebuilding phase or one player away from being a contender, they are just a team that plays baseball. They are the Bucks. They are what people outside of Wisconsin has always thought them to be.

Nothing really sums this up quite like the Brewers alleged interest in James Loney. (Did they lose Gamel's number?) Nothing quite says middle of the road, plain jane, boring as fuck baseball team like James Loney. He's a talented baseball player, last season he was 10th in WAR among first baseman, but he just is what he is. He's the type of guy that a small market team signs in free agency because no good team wants him and no good players want Milwaukee. He's the perfect match for a team on the verge of nothingness. He's Kyle Lohse, first baseman. Read the rest of this entry »

Goodbye John Axford

milwaukee brewers August 30th, 2013

johnaxfordmusicCan you think of a better pitcher in Brewers history than John Axford?

Lots. Tons and tons of them. My browser just crashed there were so many search results.

Can you think of a better reliever in Brewers history than John Axford?

Most definitely. He had his stretches, but there have been others who have matched them and others who have beat them. (I think. I didn't really do the research on this one.)

Can you think of a better closer in Brewers history than John Axford?

Sure. Despite being second on the Brewers all-time saves list, the last two years have basically erased the idea that John Axford is or was an awesome closer (even though he really was for a minute.) The idea of "awesome closer" is admittedly a stupid kind of thing, but he was pretty dominant at one point. The best? You'll have to go through something called Doug Henry first, pal.

Can you think of a cooler guy in Brewers history than John Axford?

Probably not. Read the rest of this entry »

Fans React to A Letter From Ryan Braun

milwaukee brewers August 24th, 2013

Letter to the fans of the Milwaukee Brewers:

I have always been very grateful for the privilege of playing baseball in the great city of Milwaukee.

diswank

I am so sorry for letting you down by being in denial for so long and not telling the whole truth about what happened.

braunjudy

I am ashamed and extremely embarrassed by the decisions I made. There are no excuses for what I did and I take full responsibility for my actions.

braunmchale

I apologize to all Brewers fans for disappointing you.

braunpotter

I came forward because I knew it was time for me to tell the truth and accept my punishment.

braunbryan

I understand I have abused your trust and that of our great owner Mark Attanasio and the entire Brewers organization.

braundog

Admitting my mistakes and asking for your forgiveness are the first steps in what I know will be a lengthy process to prove myself to you again.

braunduhhhhh

It is an honor to represent the people of Wisconsin by wearing a Brewers uniform.

braunpunk

I want all of you to know how much I have appreciated the support I've received from so many of you throughout my years with the organization.

braunhills

I will continue to work on improving myself and making amends for what I have done.

braunfingerbang

I am deeply sorry for my actions and I apologize to everyone I have let down. I am committed to doing everything I can to earn back your trust and support.

braundietcokegrl

Sincerely,

Ryan Braun

braunshrug

What a difference four years makes

milwaukee brewers August 16th, 2013

Four years ago the Brewers were coming off their first playoff season in forever, Ryan Braun owned the city, the sun was shining, the skies were blue, there wasn't a cloud in the sky and all was right with the world. The Brewers were embarking on their 40th anniversary season and were held up as an example of how to do things right. The Brewers built a playoff team through smart drafting and Ryan Braun was the clean, talented future face of the game. It was a simpler time, really. braundog2

Meanwhile, on the other side of the country Alex Rodriguez was mired in a steroid controversy. Shocking, I know. While Braun was becoming one of the most popular baseball players in the game, he felt the need to stand by his friend who just so happened to be one of it's most hated.

"Everybody makes mistakes, and I'm not the type of person that's going to change my opinion about who he is just because he made a mistake," Braun said. "I wouldn't just disassociate myself with somebody just because he made a mistake. I don't think anybody is perfect, and I don't think he's ever pretended to be perfect."

Making a mistake and not being perfect... That sounds familiar, doesn't it?

"As I have acknowledged in the past, I am not perfect," Braun said. "I realize now that I have made some mistakes."

Oh yeah, that.

Look, I'm not here to vilify Braun for any of this stuff. Not again. If anything, I am over it. What I didn't realize at the time that it all went down is the way that the world would turn on Ryan Braun for this. You need to remember that whenever people get that upset over things then it probably isn't deserved. If people got as upset about the atrocities the government commits every single day as they did about Ryan Braun eating some fucking lozenges then we might actually get somewhere in this lifetime, but that's not the way life works. Not anymore. People only care about minute bullshit that doesn't matter in the long run and they let talking heads get into their brain and rot it away. Johnny Manziel parties and signs his name on a photograph. BAN HIM FOR LIFE! Get lost with that stuff. Use your brains. Why can't college kids make money when universities make billions? Why are steroids even illegal? Why is weed illegal? Why do we have laws that stop people from doing what they want to do?

Okay, I'll get off my libertarian anarchist soapbox and get back to my numberswiki.com

point which is this: what a difference four years makes. Four years ago Ryan Braun was defending Alex Rodriguez when the whole world was turning on him. Now? Alex Rodriguez is apparently the one who threw Ryan Braun under the bus as Ryan takes his place as most hated man in baseball. This is baseball. Read the rest of this entry »

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