Outside of my man-crush Mike Cameron hitting two home runs and my buddy Jeff snagging a Prince foul ball that nearly broke his hand, I don't really have much to say about yesterday's game. It was not that good of a game and there were WAY too many Cubs fans. (I guess stubhub having Loge Infield for $9, Bleachers for $1 and Terrace Reserved for $0.50 is too much for some Brewers fans.)

Whatever, I don't want to talk about it. I want to talk about beer, man. I love beer. It's so good and cold and makes you feel funny. It makes girls prettier and people think I'm funnier when I drink it. It makes $70 purchases at the team shop seem okay. I'm convinced that Ken Macha is drinking beer most of the time because I think using Corey Patterson in any situation would seem like a good idea if you were drinking beer. Beer is so cool.

The thing is I go to enough games that I know the best way to drink beer. The best places to get it and everything else. Here's a little guide about it.

Miller Park Drunk's Guide to Drinking Beer at Miller Park Read the rest of this entry »

6 people like this post.

Unlike

Yesterday we didn't write anything for the site. Why? We went to the game on Wednesday. I started to go through my archives and realized that for every Wednesday game I have gone to this season Thursday has suffered. I don't think that I need to spell it out for you why this happens. It's just the way it is. You can't start pre-gaming at 5 in the afternoon, watch a three hour baseball game and then stay out until bar time without some effects. For us it's not doing a whole lot of writing on Thursdays. I'll take it. The thing is this goes on a lot. It's not just a clever name. We've been down this road many, many times before. So why not give a little bit back? Why not share our vast knowledge? Why not create...(wait for it)..

Miller Park Drunk's Guide To Hangovers

Read the rest of this entry »

10 people like this post.

Unlike

The idea of Norm MacDonald and Bob Uecker being good friends blows my mind. Not gonna lie.

[Deadspin]

2 people like this post.

Unlike

The Brewers lost yesterday and despite problems with FSN-WI, I watched just about the whole game with the score at 3-2 Astros. The Brewers seemingly had chances to come back every single inning after falling behind.

Top of the 5th: 2 LOB
Top of the 6th: 1 LOB
Top of the 7th: 3 LOB
Top of the 8th: 0 LOB
Top of the 9th: 1 LOB

The one inning in which they didn't leave any on base ended with Jason Kendall getting caught stealing. Yes, that Jason Kendall. Let me tell you what I know about Jason Kendall.

Jason Kendall specifically selected his at-bat song to scare little kids.

Jason Kendall has 170 steals in his career, but

Speed declines with age and

Jason Kendall turns 35 in two months.

I am not one to pile on Jason Kendall. There are other blogs that do that, this is not one of them. I just don't expect much from the catcher position. He's a perfectly acceptable placeholder until Salome or whoever else is ready to take over. He knows the staff and plays good defense. Maybe Rivera should play a bit more, but overall he's fine. I will say this.

Ken Macha should know that the only way Jason Kendall steals that base is if Jason Kendall is the one trying to throw him out. That was a terrible, ridiculous idea. I understand that you don't like Jason Kendall, that doesn't mean that you can embarass the poor guy on television. Quit tweeting and lock it up.

Thus far this season the Brewers have 7 steals and have been caught 7 times. That is not a recipe for success. Jason Kendall trying to steal bases? RECIPE FOR TOTAL FAILURE.

So here's the new rule. You are not allowed to attempt to steal if you are a 35 year old white catcher or wear the #28. Everyone else? Green light. Consider me your coach of common sense.

Like

Unlike

To Bong or Not to Bong?: A guide to getting drunk

"Luther said I could learn some things from you. I already know how to drink" - The Sting

Of course you know how to drink. I wouldn't doubt it for a second. You've probably never had too much to drink and thrown up. Or said something you shouldn't have. Fell down, been thrown out of a bar, attempted a backflip or chewed your arm off to get away from a girl you woke up next to. You've probably never kissed a dude because you thought it would be funny or split your pants or threw up at a bar ON the bar. You know how to drink, you wouldn't do these things.

Here's the thing, I have. I've done all those things. I have done more stupid things while I was drunk then pretty much everyone you've ever met. I've ruined more relationships, spilled more tequilla on myself, sent more regrettable texts and had more heads shaken at me (oh, you) than my entire readership combined. Is this something I'm proud of? Of course not. I wish I could drink like a normal person and do normal things. I wish I had more than three readers. It's just that when I drink I am fairly certain that I can do a standing backflip and will later have to throw up. These things happen. So while you may think you know how to drink, I'm going to tell you how NOT to drink at Opening Day. It's my pleasure, really.

Read the rest of this entry »

2 people like this post.

Unlike