It is said that looking into Derrek Lee's eyes will reveal your future. Unfortunately, the Cubs future is always the same.
Let's make Tyler Colvin make a stupid face. No, let's make Tyler Colvin make a stupid face and put a red pepper right in front of his nose! Yeah, it's not like he's our most marketable player or anything.
Hi, I'm Koyie Hill. No, I don't know why I am on the cover of this either.
Hey, let's get Fukudome in there and give him some chopsticks. Get it? Because he's Asian!
It's-a me, Dempster! I hope-a you like a spicy meatball!
You know who we should put on this cover? Alfonso Soriano. I know he's routinely booed at Wrigley Field and he still has four years and almost $70 million left on his untradeable contract, but still. I feel like he should be on there. Maybe something with a lime? He is Dominican, you know. Those people love limes.
I figured so what if he's had a few anger issues? He apologized; Carlos should hold the knife.
Just look at Ted Lilly; he just looks like he's going to be traded to the Dodgers by the time this book comes out.
Two catchers? Really?
Seriously, Dempster is such a douche.
CUBBIES August 3rd, 2010
The Chicago Cubs lost to the Milwaukee Brewers 18-1 last night. Tying a record for hits given up in a game and basically being embarrassed on their home field in front of their home fans. I almost felt sorry for them.
Instead, I decided to collect a bunch of tweets people posted after the game whining about their team. That seems much more like me, laughing at others displeasure.
Jack_E04 Cubs you are terrible. Time to be a die heart sox fan
BballDude23 Worst. Cubs. Game. Ever. Ommmgggg
krazymoe Glad to see the Cubs only lost by 17 runs tonight. We'll get em one of these days...
rokkherCASBAH had a lot of fun at the cubs game even though they lost horribly. it was fun. :] i'm gonna miss my 3BJ boys. <3
So I know what I said before about never coming back, but I just couldn't help myself when it comes to the 2010 Cubbies. The Cubs are too damn good NOT to write on the internet about! This Is The Year. Plus, I couldn't stand the thought of that douchebag Vince writing some stupid crap like "we don't think the Cubs are that good this season". Hey buttface, it's only you! There is no we! 'We' would imply you had friends, which you don't.
Before I get to the Cubs, I want to say a few things about some of the things that have been going on at this god forsaken site lately.
- I don't see what everyone's problem with Ryan Braun's restaurant hiring good looking people. We do this in Chicago all the time. You know why? Because if we hired a fat girl to work at Giordano's she'd eat all the pizza!
- Here's something I actually agreed with, the Opening Day post. I love Opening Day because I can go down to Wrigley Field about 8am and start doing Jager bombs. I usually get so drunk I totally miss the game, lol. One time my boy Danno got so wasted he got thrown out of the bleachers. That's like getting arrested in jail. Classic. I never miss Opening Day.
- You people in Milwaukee have some crappy tattoos. You need to get some cool barbed wire around your muscle like me. You'd probably have to stop eating cheese and actually work out to do that though. NEVERMIND!
- Finally, this pro wrestling post may be the most pathetic thing I've ever seen. What's next, MPD? What Star Trek characters are Brewers? What Dungeons N Dragons guys are Brewers? What Brewer would be the best at World of Warcraft? Way to show your nerd colors, nerd.
Enough of this stupid Brewer talk because the BREWERS SUCKKKK!. Let's talk about a real baseball team. Let's talk about YOUR CHICAGO CUBBIES! Read the rest of this entry »
So you say that you are sick of me? Well, I am sick of you too! You say that you want this "stunt" to be over? Well, I want your stunt to be over!
Look dudes I got better things to do than sit around on my computer and clickity-clack on the keyboard about baseball all day. I could go out and, you know, SLEEP WITH WOMEN. I am not a nerd blogger like you guys living in your moms basement. I like to go out and drink and sleep with chicks and update my fantasy team. I like to drive my BMW with the top down listening to Soulja Boy as loud as it goes. I could be shopping at American Eagle right now instead of writing on this stupid blog. I could be drinking a dub rum d (double rum and diet to the uninitiated) at a strip club getting a lap dance right now. Instead I am writing on the internet about baseball? No thanks. Baseball is dumb anyways. I prefer football. Not only that, but I have the best fantasy team ever this year. Check out my roster. Read the rest of this entry »
I don't know about you guys, but I LOVE the t-shirts they sell outside of a Cubs game. I can just sit there and read them and laugh all day long. Except that they don't allow drinking on the street so I just take a quick glance at them and go inside the bar. Anyways there are a lot of excellent ones out there and I just wanted to show you my top 5 so you know which ones to buy me. :))
Fukudome has kinda been a letdown, but this shirt still makes me laugh every time.
Some people prefer the "Pujols mows Wrigley" shirt, but I think this one is perfect. Ozzie just looks like he mows lawns.
I don't know what I love more about this shirt, the fact that it exists or the fact that I am able to buy it.
Because sausage is another word for penis lol.
Get it? Pujols, POO HOLES? HAHAHA.
Best. Shirt. Ever.