It's really not going to be the same without Bob Uecker doing the games though. His voice is synonymous with the Brewers and his daily rants are like nothing else in all of baseball. He really is the best.

Sometimes I wonder if most Brewers fans know how lucky they truly are. Sure, the team has never won a World Series and it was 26 years between playoff appearances. Admittedly that stuff sucks, but at the same time we've got Bob Uecker and you don't. Bob Uecker is one of the best announcers in all of baseball and probably one of the coolest guys in all the world. He's like the cool grandpa who buys you beer, plays beer pong with you and your friends, then proceeds to wipe the floor with everyone (If only that stereotype existed.)

We love Bob here and would love nothing more than to slam some Jack Daniels with him in the announcers booth. Now, here's 10 reasons why he is not only awesome but better than every other announcer in baseball.

10. Bob had a woman follow him to the point that charges were filed (later dropped) and a restraining order was placed against her banning her from contacting Bob or going to any Brewers games. Somehow I don't see anyone doing that to Ken Harrelson.

9. Bob Uecker made Johnny Carson laugh. Marty Brennaman made Adam Dunn cry. Advantage: Uecker.

8. Bob was once named Minor League Player of the Year. Unfortunately, he had been in the majors for two years at the time.

7. Bob Uecker once hosted Saturday Night Live. I've never seen it, but he couldn't have been worse than Paris Hilton.

6. Bob Uecker did better Miller Lite commercials in the 80s than anything they've done since.

5. When the Brewers stayed in the same hotel as a furry convention, Bob Uecker didn't freak out like Jon Miller might have. He made one of the dogs his bitch*.

4. Is quite the singer.

3. Bob Uecker was at Wrestlemania IV and got choked by Andre the Giant. Pat Hughes watched it on PPV.

2. Two words: Major League. Does your announcer even have a SAG card?

1. Forget your announcer, Bob Uecker looks better with his shirt off than your cleanup hitter.

So, I hope that settles that. Now if you'll excuse me I have to go sketch Bob Uecker as a superhero billy goat embracing a smaller, manga version of myself.

*Making his bitch may be construed as "took a picture with".

BONUS!

Later we posted these two awesome Uecker based videos.

Artie Lange talks Bob Uecker

Norm Macdonald talks Bob Uecker

On the bright side this happened:

A spectator fell about 14 feet from the lower level in left field while the Cubs took batting practice about an hour before their game with the Milwaukee Brewers.

The man wearing Cubs gear and believed to be in his 20s was reaching out over the railing down the left field line attempting to catch foul balls on Sunday when he tumbled headfirst over the rail and onto the hard dirt below.

Unfortunately there were no pictures or video taken of the incident. Instead of filling in you in with details and writing all about it, we decided to get lazy and use bad photshopping skills hire an artist to recreate what happened. Enjoy.

See? Don't you feel better now?

Apparently people don't like it when people do stuff like this, which is kind of stupid really. If I saw a guy walking down the street with his friend filming him I'd boo him too. (That's probably why I got fired from my job as an extra on that Keanu Reeves movie.) This is so obviously pre-planned you'd think it was for a reality dating show. There is absolutely no reason to be filming that unless you want to get attention and make Cubs fans look stupid. (Hint: they don't need your help.)

I'm not saying they weren't dicks, but the fact is that this sort of behavior is to be expected at a baseball game especially one where you are an away fan. If you don't expect to hear "you suck" at least fifty times, you're an idiot. It's kind of the point, you want one team to win and one team to lose. If someone is around that wants your team to lose, you don't like them. That's just how it works, it's not a big deal. Someone is going to boo you, don't frickin' cry about it.

The site I found this video on had a discussion in the comments calling this "distasteful" saying "they can't take their kids to games" and my personal favorite "as a Cubs fan, I am quite embarrassed." Really? He got booed. BOOED. People used their mouths to make a "boo" sound and directed it at him. That's it.

Did he get a drink thrown at him? No.Did he get punched? No.
Was his day ruined? Only if he's a gigantic pussy.

The worst thing that happened to him was one guy said the f-word and another guy got a little too close for comfort. Those guys were dicks, but Mercurial Outfielder of Another Cubs Blog seems like the only one of the lot with the sense to realize it.

The booing seems playful, but if you stick your hand in another man's face, that man has the right to punch you in the throat and leave you in the street.

Exactly. Some douchebag took playful booing too far. Shocking.

The reason we bring this up is because the Cubs are coming to town and complaints about people acting like douchebags are going to be aplenty. I know a lot of people who are going to games this weekend and most of them are prepared for some sort of negative interaction with Cubs fans. I'm not trying to start a "all Cubs fans are douchebags" bitchfest (this isn't Brew Crew Ball). We all remember this Brewers fan from last year's Opening Day who out-douched everyone in the video above, right? The truth is that there is going to be stupid, drunken idiots on both sides. As Wrigleyville23 points out:

wisconsinians are no better, however. this is, after all, the land where a man taped his son to a tree because he wouldn't wear his brett favre jersey during a game

Umm, yeah. Way to take one story and apply it to the entire fanbase. Every White Sox fan has sex in the bathroom because I heard that one person did!

People get drunk and we're all about that. People act stupid and we usually do that too. Look at the website name, there's nothing I like more than getting drunk at Miller Park and watching baseball. That's the key thing, watching baseball. Stupid people get drunk and go to this series. Casual fans who don't know who's on the team and would much rather be watching the Packers play the Bears come out to the game and want to get stupid drunk. They don't care about the game as much as they care about getting drunk, but they want the one team to lose and they will berate the other team's fans regardless of the outcome. It happens on both sides and it happens every single time these two play. Some people are just not there for the baseball. It's not us, it's not them. It's idiots on both sides.

Unfortunately, some people don't understand that. Check out what our friend Wrigleyville23 said in an interview at BrewCrewBall:

I've been to Cubs games in Atlanta, Pittsburgh, Philly, New York, St. Louis, Miami and Washington, and there haven't been problems like there seem to be when they go up the road in Milwaukee.

Maybe it's you people.

Which pairs well with BrewCrewBall's own editor KLSnow's thoughts on the matter:

I understand that people will disagree, but at the risk of dropping a bit of my professionalism, I’ll be open in the admission that I can’t stand a fair portion of the population of Cub fans. They’re the only fan base I’ve ever seen make Miller Park uninhabitable, the type of fan I’ll skip games to avoid. I know there are good baseball fans in the Cub fan population, but they’re outnumbered (or at least outscreamed) a segment of their fans that don’t deserve even the implication of respect.

No matter what side of the argument you're on, the answer is clear: it's not us, it's them. And you know what? They're both right because there is going to be plenty of drunk idiots to go around and they'll be on both sides.

Our best advice is to just try to get along and not be a douchebag. Be like these nerds.

Luckily, unlike catching a foul ball there is something I can do about it. No, I'm not talking about roofies. I would never share those. I'm talking about taking matters into my own hands. I'm talking about emailing every known bathroom sex having person and asking them how they did it. I'm talking about soliciting the advice of experts. So unlike my guides for sneaking in booze, getting over a hangover or killing a homeless man in the parking lot and disposing of his body before game time (whoops haven't written that one yet), this is a guide of something that I haven't actually done yet. This is a guide to guide me too. It's an interactive experience here at Miller Park Drunk.

Since much of our fanbase is made up of women we will be providing guides for both men and women. Up first, the ladies.

How to Have Sex In The Bathroom of A Sports Stadium If You Are Female

1. Get drunk, like "wooo we're doin' shots!" drunk.
2. Ask someone to have sex with you in the bathroom.
3. Have sex with someone in the bathroom.

Okay, that was easy. For men, it's going to be a bit more complicated.

How To Have Sex In the Bathroom of A Sports Stadium If You Are Male

1. Get drunk. Well, you need to get drunk but not "so drunk". Just drunk enough that thoughts like "she's really not that pretty", "should I even be doing this?" and "is she even awake?" don't phase you. In other words drunk enough that you stop thinking like a pussy.
2. Find an equal or greater than drunk lady. Say the following seven things.
   1. "What's your name?"
   2. "Man, I'm drunk how about you?"
   3. "Haha, yeah. Where you from?" (the further the better)
   4. "Awesome my (made up friend/relative) is from there. Do you know where the bathroom is?"
   5. "Can you show me? And like come into the bathroom with me for, you know, sexual relations?"
   6. "Really? REALLY!? OMIGOD YES! Let's go right now before you change your mind."
   7. "Umm, I'm not trying to be a dick or anything and I TOTALLY want to do this, but you don't have any STDs do you?"
   8. "Ehh, that's alright. I have a condom." (Alternate response: "Haha, me too.")
3. You might think that convincing her would be the hardest part of the equation, but it's not. Just like I can easily get the girls to meet me for a drink off of match.com, getting them to talk to me once we get there is a whole other story. (They act like they've never seen a prosthetic hand before.) Getting her to say yes is easy, getting her to enter the men's bathroom is a whole other story. The way I see it you have three major obstacles to overcome.
   • The douchebags: These are the guys who will see you enter the bathroom with a lady (normally, you have to cut in front of them) who will yell out obscene things. This is another reason you can't get too drunk, your wit has to remain sharp. You have to be ready to combat. If someone yells "Are you two gonna fuck!?" You have to kindly tell them that you are not, you are going to "make love". Who cares if you don't remember her name, what matters is it sounds good. If someone calls her a lewd name like a "whore" or a "slut", you have to tell them that they are just jealous because they would never have a chance with a fine specimen such as she. This is so untrue that she might even laugh (after all she is having sex with a stranger in a bathroom), but she will smile and maybe even try to convince herself that what you are saying is true even though her dad has told her it's not many, many times.
   • The general cleanliness of the men's room: You are pretty obviously going into one of the stalls for this one. There's too many kids (Mommy!?) and too many people trying to join in for you to do it anywhere else. This is perhaps the biggest obstacle you will face. I mean, the men's room is NASTY. First things first, FLUSH. What is up with that? Flushing is like the coolest part of going to the bathroom, why would anyone want to skip it? Regardless, you almost definitely need to do this ASAP.

     Unfortunately that's probably not even the grossest part of the stall. Did you know that people piss on the seat in the toilet?! It's true! (Which honestly I never understood. It's not like there's any women in the men's room that we need to establish our dominance over by pissing on the seat like at home or in a port-o-potty. Just flip the thing up, we're among friends guys.) Your next step is to wipe this crap up. Toilet paper will work, but the pink JJ Hardy you strip off of her is probably better for sopping up someone else's pee. It's like getting laid twice.

     If someone has thrown up in your stall, you just need to fight through it. Do your best to keep away from it, but by this point it is too late to switch stalls. Like a poker hand, you are all in.

   • The position: There is no good answer for this. Standing up might work, but based on the type of girl who is likely to want to have sex with you in the bathroom of a sports stadium you may have a hard time lifting her up. You could sit on the toilet seat and have her be on top of you, but again based on the type of girl who is likely to want to have sex with you in the bathroom that's probably not be a good idea either. The truth is, it doesn't matter what position you are in as long as you can get it over with quickly. The idea here is to have sex, not have good sex. There's no need to be Dirk Diggler in there.
4. Once you are finished, leave the stall as quickly as possible. Who cares if she isn't wearing/is missing articles of clothing? You aren't giving her underwear back either way and it's not like you will ever talk to her again. Good luck on your ultimate walk of shame whatever your name is!
5. Raise your arms in victory. A well played bathroom sex will draw a crowd and once you exit you need to play to that crowd. Flex your arms like Hulk Hogan, kiss your biceps and if you have a cell phone with music on it, it is not only totally okay to blast "We Are The Champions" on it, it's encouraged. You should be hi-fiving people until your hand hurts.  Honestly, it's your duty to the rest of us.

So there you go.