26
Apr 10

Mr. Brightside says “At least this happened”

Well that sucked. Getting swept is never fun, especially when Miller Park is filled with people cheering for that sweep. Unlike most losses there wasn't really a moment you could point to in any of the three games that they had a chance to win in. They just got beat, badly.

On the bright side this happened:

A spectator fell about 14 feet from the lower level in left field while the Cubs took batting practice about an hour before their game with the Milwaukee Brewers.

The man wearing Cubs gear and believed to be in his 20s was reaching out over the railing down the left field line attempting to catch foul balls on Sunday when he tumbled headfirst over the rail and onto the hard dirt below.

Unfortunately there were no pictures or video taken of the incident. Instead of filling in you in with details and writing all about it, we decided to get lazy and use bad photshopping skills hire an artist to recreate what happened. Enjoy. Continue reading →


23
Apr 10

Apparently people don’t like this sort of behavior, your Cubs series preview

Apparently people don't like it when people do stuff like this, which is kind of stupid really. If I saw a guy walking down the street with his friend filming him I'd boo him too. (That's probably why I got fired from my job as an extra on that Keanu Reeves movie.) This is so obviously pre-planned you'd think it was for a reality dating show. There is absolutely no reason to be filming that unless you want to get attention and make Cubs fans look stupid. (Hint: they don't need your help.)

I'm not saying they weren't dicks, but the fact is that this sort of behavior is to be expected at a baseball game especially one where you are an away fan. If you don't expect to hear "you suck" at least fifty times, you're an idiot. It's kind of the point, you want one team to win and one team to lose. If someone is around that wants your team to lose, you don't like them. That's just how it works, it's not a big deal. Someone is going to boo you, don't frickin' cry about it.

The site I found this video on had a discussion in the comments calling this "distasteful" saying "they can't take their kids to games" and my personal favorite "as a Cubs fan, I am quite embarrassed." Really? He got booed. BOOED. People used their mouths to make a "boo" sound and directed it at him. That's it.

Did he get a drink thrown at him? No. Continue reading →


09
Apr 10

How to have sex in the bathroom at a stadium

Well, it happened again. Someone had sex in the bathroom (with another person) of a Major League park that wasn't me. I mean, what the hell man? It's not like I haven't tried. Okay, maybe I haven't really tried at all but still. For the amount of games I go to you would think that the opportunity would have arisen by now. It's like catching a foul ball right?

Luckily, unlike catching a foul ball there is something I can do about it. No, I'm not talking about roofies. I would never share those. I'm talking about taking matters into my own hands. I'm talking about emailing every known bathroom sex having person and asking them how they did it. I'm talking about soliciting the advice of experts. So unlike my guides for sneaking in booze, getting over a hangover or killing a homeless man in the parking lot and disposing of his body before game time (whoops haven't written that one yet), this is a guide of something that I haven't actually done yet. This is a guide to guide me too. It's an interactive experience here at Miller Park Drunk.

Since much of our fanbase is made up of women we will be providing guides for both men and women. Up first, the ladies.

Continue reading →


02
Oct 09

Brewers Baby returns to make fun of people who post their pictures on a newspaper’s website

Yesterday I made fun of some of the people who read the JSOnline and just a few minutes later I got a sternly worded letter from my good friend Brewers Baby who was pissed off at me for stealing his thunder. "Making fun of the twats that read the Journal Suckinel is MY territory MPD," he said. I realized that he was correct and now turn the site over to him.DanandMickey-1

BREWERS BABY The good news is I will never have to play with the kids of these toolboxes. Why? Because who in their right mind would bang these losers. I thought Cervecerros day was for Latinos, not D&D nerds. There is no chance that these guys don't jerk off to The Guild.

Continue reading →


01
Oct 09

What are these people smoking?

Dumb Brewers fan in a Favre Brewers jerseyJust checked out the always enjoyable for all the wrong reasons Anthony Witrado chat from last week and seriously, what is wrong with you people? Are you stoned? I do not like Anthony Witrado, this is well known, but I am starting to think that A-dub is just Charles Manson and the people who participate in these chats are the ones out killing people. Look at some of these questions, it is not pretty.

Q: Michael, Chicago - Thanks for all of your hard work this season Anthony.

Work? He's talking about the time he spends in the mirror adjusting his hat sideways right?

Q: stu pidasso, westallica - hi anthony. just for fun, let's pretend you're doug melvin.

WHY? WHY DO YOU THINK THIS WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA? I've got a better one. Let's pretend you are David Carradine. Here's a belt.

Q: Justink8996 - Do you guys have an update on Alcides "baby mama" drahma? Kinda hard to root for a guy who is a dead beat dad? Guess it would be pretty awkward as a journalist to even ask him about it? "Oh Alcides by the way...." Continue reading →

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