If you are one of those people who still needs convincing we thought the best way to convince you would be to give you a sneak peak at our menu. Our chef, Citizens Bank Park Drunk, did a really great job with this thing and I'm REALLY excited to eat it. You should be too.

MPD Pants Party Menu

A menu loosely based on our beloved sausage race.

Brats with Onion and or Kraut

(Beer steamed THEN grilled)

MPD is a blog that’s banner mentions this specific encased meat and there have been several posts that address this tasty topic.  So here in all its glory is the MPD brat.   Beer steamed fresh brats with grilled onion and or kraut on a bun with a few local mustards to choose from. That’s it.

Drunken Polish Sausage
Mac n Cheese

A creamy and very cheesy Mac n Cheese made from scratch only gets better when we add ton of fried polish sausage pieces and a splash of beer for that little extra drunken flavor you’d expect from an MPD dish.

Italian Sausage
Meatball Kabobs

The traditional Italian sausage and peppers deconstructed, jammed onto a kabob in meatball form and grilled to a charred and juicy perfection.   This dish will make you forget you ever tried that cheese steak on a stick.

Spicy Ginger Ale
Hot Dogs

This unique take on hot dogs uses hot chilies and ginger ale to create a sticky, sweet and very spicy dog.  An odd combination that works out so well when it is all put together.  This is a must try and may change your life.

Chorizo Quesadillas

These greasy treats will ándale across the border of your mouth with the perfect combination of spicy chorizo crumbles and a pile of Chihuahua cheese melted into a crispy white flour tortilla, served with pico de gallo and crema.

Seriously, I want to have sex with this menu. Buy a ticket.

Food, glorious food: More on this next week, but you will not believe the spread that we have planned for this event.
Beer, glorious beer: Beer tastes really good when you drink it and it's nice out. (Dear God, please let it be nice out.)
Drunk people, glorious drunk people: Fact: Drunk people are more likely to put out for complete strangers that they meet at fringe baseball blog Brewers tailgate parties than sober people are. It's true. You can look it up in the dictionary.
Playoffs: If the Brewers win every game between now and 8/28 they will clinch the division on 8/29. (Note: math may be fuzzy.)
Hot lesbian action: If two girls don't make out at this function we have failed as a society.

Did I mention beer and food?

Miller Park Drunk's Pants Party is 8/29 and will take place at Miller Park. A pre-game (and likely post-game if there is beer left, which there should be) tailgate including beer, tons of food and more is included. It's twenty-five bucks for like a $40 value. Seriously, it's going to be awesome. Don't miss it.

So, you thinking about going? Because I am going and I have a few extra tickets and.... yeah. We're having a party.

More specifically we're having...

Miller Park Drunk's Pants Party

It's like a party, but in my pants. Except it's not in my pants, but I am just saying that to sound funny. It's actually at Miller Park. Yep.

Here's what it includes:

• A terrace reserved ticket! (a $15 value)
• A CC Sabathia bobblehead! (a billion million dollar value)
• A pre-game tailgate featuring tons of food! (unfortunately catered by a slimy Phillies fan, a negative value)
• A pre-game tailgate featuring tons of keg beer that you can drink without paying for! (a $1000 value)
• A pre-game tailgate featuring tons of Columbian cocaine! (a $80/gram value)
• Maybe a t-shirt! (a $2 value)
• Giveaways of stuff! (a $0.36 value)
• More stuff that we haven't thought about yet! (projected value: unknown)

All for the low price of $25! Space is limited, but that's okay because this site doesn't have that many fans to begin with. If you'd like to buy a ticket for yourself or you and a friend all you have to do is click this magic paypal button below to pay me. I plan on making zero profit on this game and simply getting real drunk with a ton of people who think I'm a semi-decent writer. Really, it's its own reward.

If you like the Brewers or if you like this site or if you just like drinking, I think you will want to be at this event. It is going to be awesome. Really, really awesome and it's on a Sunday during the day, what else do you have to do?

Church? That shits for losers.
Art in the park? More like fart in the park. AMIRITE!?
A picnic with your girlfriend? Oh, does your vagina get to come too?
Walk your dog? Man, F your dog.

Seriously. Come to Miller Park and get way too drunk before noon. It'll be fun. I promise. Now send me my frickin' twenty five dollars. Shits expensive, dog.

Do you like getting laid?

Are you single (or will you pretend to be)?

Do you have $40?

Well, have I got the deal for you! Check out what I just found this on the Brewers official website:

For only $40, get a Dew Deck ticket, which includes a pre-game buffet and two drinks per person, plus the opportunity to mix and mingle with Milwaukee-area singles!

DEW DECK BUFFET MENU FEATURES:

• Grilled Bratwurst with Sauerkraut
• Hot Dogs
• Chicken Breast Sandwiches
• Hamburgers
• Lettuce, Tomato, and Pickle Platters
• Pasta Salad
• Assorted Cookies
• Soft drinks
• Two beers per adult

Would it be wrong to buy all the available tickets and put them on stubhub for 5x face value? The Brewers are basically guaranteeing that you get laid here! $40 makes me feel like I'm practically stealing from them. You can't even get a hooker in Costa Rica for that price.

Look we all know that the key to a woman's heart isn't actually a key, but more like a math equation. That equation?

Grilled Bratwurst with Sauerkraut
+
Chicken Breast Sandwiches
+
Money
+
Lettuce, Tomato and Pickle Platters
+
Two beers per adult
=
SEX

I mean, duh. And what are the Brewers providing? ALL OF THE ABOVE!

The girl knows you have money because you paid for the $40 ticket and then on top of that they are going to actually provide the Lettuce, Tomato and Pickle Platters for you? They might as well be giving away roofies!

This night seems almost perfect that there is nothing I can think of to complain about. Well, maybe it could be a little bit better. Maybe some in-game entertainment? Or some OnMilwaukee.com personalities? Man, that'd be awesome! (What I wouldn't give to be "on" some of those OnMilwaukee.com personalities, if you get my drift. hehe.) OnMilwaukee.com personalities with their witty banter and coverage of all things Milwaukee, gosh I just love them so much.

If only we could get some OnMilwaukee.com personalities!!!! That would take this from a 95% chance of getting laid to a perfect chance!!!!

Singles Nights will feature in-game entertainment, appearances from OnMilwaukee.com personalities, a special Milwaukee scavenger hunt, exclusive prizes and giveaways from the Milwaukee Brewers and OnMilwaukee.com

Can't... buy... fast... enough.

Well, some things have changed and I am now going to Opening Day (as a designated driver, seriously). That doesn't mean I still don't have these cool plans for an Opening Day party and that I can't share them with all of you.

• Eat like you are there: Yeah it sucks that you're not there and you can't have those lighter fluid tasting brats that you would normally have and that probably sucks but that doesn't mean that you have to skip eating brats altogether. Maybe do a little grilling at home or just microwave a couple. Throw in some stadium sauce and the only thing missing is the $9 price tag. Well, that and the whole being at the game part.
• Get drunk early in the morning: Or as my ex-girlfriend calls it "the reason I broke up with you, jerk."
• Don't wait in traffic for an hour to pay for parking: Not going has many advantages.
• Get a radio: Okay, so you're not going to Opening Day. Boo hoo. That doesn't mean that you can't experience Miller Park's greatest feature. You might think that was watching the game with a good crowd, tailgating or even the smells of the stadium, but the truth is that Miller Park's best feature is none of these. No, Miller Park's best feature is that when you go to the bathroom BOB UECKER DOES PLAY BY PLAY. I heard that this same bathroom play-by-play is played on the radio on WTMJ 620. Get a radio, put on the game and put it in the bathroom. Tell me this isn't an awesome idea. I dare you.
• Boo the TV: See how stupid that sounds? You know it isn't going to change anything. Kind of like when you boo in person.
• Don't walk through what may or may not be spilled beer mixed with urine
• WATCH THE GAME: Hey, I love going to the game as much as the next guy but I'm the first to admit that you definitely process more of what you see when you watch it on TV. Endless replays, commentary (which is as big of a positive as it is a negative) and multiple camera angles all add to the improved viewing experience. Don't waste it by getting too drunk and not paying attention. Leave that to the people who actually go to the game.

Alright, I have to try and get some sleep. I still have some important things to do before I get up at 6 to get ready for the game.