Browsing Category: "Off-Base"

MPD’s Guide To Life

Off-Base October 30th, 2014

There was a time in my life when Brewers baseball was the be-all, end-all of my life. It filled me with so much joy and so much excitement that there was nothing else I'd rather be watching/talking about/writing about/going to. Brewers baseball was my life and I loved it. Unfortunately, for whatever reason, those days are over and I've lost that loving feeling. Now it's gone.

cheers-sorryThe past few years of doing this blog have been pretty fun. I've met some great friends that I never really hang out with because of this blog. I've had some really great times with those people and others at the Pants Parties. It was fun to really consider myself as a "voice" in the ongoing Brewers seasons. Sometimes I was the voice of reason, sometimes I was the drunk guy at the end of the bar that you wish would shut up and other times I was the quiet one. Too often the quiet one who didn't blog for a month, really. I gained an insight into baseball (and sports and sports fans) that I might not have without this blog and that's awesome. I think I've become a better writer too.

Instead of keeping it open and saying "tonight I'm going to give it 35%" I've decided that tonight I am going to shut it all down. It's time for me to say goodbye, but not before I impart some wisdom on you.

There are many important life lessons that I have learned from maintaining a blog called Miller Park Drunk for nearly five and a half years. (WHAT? That number can't be correct.) Lessons that have made me a better friend, a better person, a better drunk. Lessons that I will now impart on to you in...

MILLER PARK DRUNK'S GUIDE TO LIFE

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The Beginning (or the End) of the Milwaukee Bucks

Milwaukee Bucks June 26th, 2014

Sorry I'm writing about the NBA today when the Brewers are still the best ever, but I had to and you should still come to the Pants Party on Sunday July 27th. Only three weeks left to get tickets and when they're gone, they're gone. It will be the BEST tailgate party of the summer. You won't regret going, but you will regret missing it. Don't do that. Check it out.

jabariThe Bucks were not good, crappy, god-awful, terrible, sucky, awful, shitty and just plain bad last season. OJ Mayo was fat, Larry Sanders broke his brain, Caron Butler lived up to his "from Racine" billing and Larry Sanders broke his brain again. Which actually worked out pretty good for me because tickets were REALLY cheap and I like going to basketball games. The more I went, the more I got attached to this bad basketball team that was seemingly on its way out of my city. Before I knew it, I was invested. I cared about a Gary Neal/Ramon Sessions trade. I wanted these young guys to figure things out (Giannis! Wolters!) and fulfill their potential. I wanted Larry Drew to learn how to coach. I wanted them to stay. I became excited about the prospect of a high draft pick, even going so far as to watch college basketball to see the guys who could potentially play in the Bradley Center. It was cool, but there was still that shred of doubt that they were leaving. (I'm not going to get into the political arena debate here because we don't know anything about any of it, so what's the point?) I couldn't help but think that there was nothing that could be done and that the city would let them leave without a fight. I was excited, but there was always that in the back of my mind to hold me back.

And then they got sold and now every single thing that happens is exciting. They have the number two pick, they want to build the team through the draft, they don't care about being the eighth seed like Kohl and want to build a real life championship contender. These are real things that are happening and suddenly Bucks basketball is exciting again. For the first time since that brief period when we all loved Brandon Jennings (guilty as charged) or the Ray Allen Game 6 before that, the Bucks seems like a real team in the league. The thing is, the Bucks know this. They know that fan interest has never been higher, they know this is the most important draft pick in team history and they know that they can't miss. Which is why the following things are true: Read the rest of this entry »

The MPD Guide to Holiday Parties

Off-Base December 18th, 2013

Last weekend I went to my girlfriend's work holiday party and it was GREAT, oh my god I had so much FUN and I CAN'T WAIT to go again next year! Holiday parties are the best and I think everyone should just go and spread Christmas cheer.

(looks over shoulder)

Okay, she's not looking anymore.

It was actually lammmmee. Nobody really embarrassed themselves, nobody threw up and nobody hooked up in a coat closet. Was it amateur hour or something? Nobody seemed like they wanted to win the party (ie be the most drunk) or become famous in the office for the rest of the year. It's almost like they needed some help, some guidance, something to show them how to make the most out of their Christmas party, They needed...

The MPD Guide to Holiday Parties

drunkxmas

 

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Homestander: It’s Almost Over

Miller Park, milwaukee brewers, Off-Base September 12th, 2013

HomestanderEach Thursday preceding Brewers weekend home stands, Tyler Maas will help prepare fans for all elements of the upcoming series with the Homestander. Tyler prints Wisconsin-themed shirts at Forward Fabrics and contributes to such fine publications as Milwaukee Magazine, Shepherd Express and The A.V. Club Milwaukee. All views, naughty words and weirdo sentiments are his own. Follow him at @TylerJamesMaas.

Sorry I haven't done the past two Homestanders. For one, I've been very busy with totally important journalism stuff. But mostly I've just really struggled to care about the Milwaukee Brewers right now. That's a tough thing to admit, since baseball and, specifically, the Brewers are among the dozen or so things I actually care about in this largely disappointing letdown people call life. Still, I don't care. I haven't watched a full game since August. Since I failed to make my fantasy league's playoffs a few weeks back, I stopped looking at Jean Segura's stats. I couldn't tell you if Carlos Gomez is on the DL or exactly where Milwaukee sits in the NL Central standings.

As a Brewers fan, I should be accustomed to this time of year being devoid of meaning. The team has only made the playoffs twice in my lifetime. However, this is the most disappointing Brewers season I can ever remember. I realistically figured Milwaukee would finish, at best, third in the central... but likely fourth. I knew the young and largely inexperienced roster would have its ebbs and flows. But add in the Ryan Braun suspension, Aramis Ramirez being a hobbled husk of his former self, Rickie Weeks being shitty-then-injured, trading my favorite Brewer (John Axford) for peanuts, fielding Sean Halton and vying for LAST place with the rebuilding Cubs... this year is battling with 2004 for the worst Brewers season ever.

Still, I'll look back at the 2013 season fondly with memories like Segura "stealing" first base, being in attendance when Blake Lalli won a game, meeting Mark Attanasio and awkwardly asking him for a picture on the field in San Diego, Vince and I eating a bunch of dollar hot dogs in gross ways and Vine-ing it, the Pants Party, Gomez robbing that Joey Votto homer, Sophia Minnaert almost dying when a foul ball knocked the mic out of her hand, Bob Uecker saying a bunch of funny stuff on air, becoming acquainted with Logan Schafer's patented "you got a purdy mouth" look during at-bats and sitting in the worst seat at Miller Park. My heart may not be in it right now, but I'll be back again. And again.

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Homestander: Buy Me Back

Miller Park, milwaukee brewers, Off-Base August 1st, 2013

HomestanderEach Thursday preceding Brewers weekend home stands, Tyler Maas will help prepare fans for all elements of the upcoming series with the Homestander. Tyler prints Wisconsin-themed shirts at Forward Fabrics and contributes to such fine publications as Milwaukee Magazine and The A.V. Club Milwaukee. All views, naughty words and weirdo sentiments are his own. Follow him at @TylerJamesMaas.

The Brewers organization's decision to issue $10 vouchers to all fans in August is genius. Everything is so smart about it. When in the season the promotion is occurring; the fact that the savings equates to a possible $3.6M (approximately the money gained back from Ryan Braun's salary), the lack of fine print in regard to how and on what the voucher can be used. It's the perfect and self-aware response to a bad situation the team is in (primarily) due to poor judgement on behalf of one of its employees.

Some fans--the same turds who post videos of themselves burning Ryan Braun jerseys on YouTube and pen grammatically-weak sob stories about how their son lost a "role model" (You mean the dude comparing Ryan Braun to an alleged murder on the internet wasn't his original role model?) on comment boards--say $10 isn't enough to account for this lost season. To those fans, feel free to stay home. Miller Park doesn't need your negativity, self-doctored "Fraud" shirseys and drop-of-the-hat booing. Bad baseball played under an open roof by men named Gindl and Gennett in August after a blackout drunk tailgate sesh is still better than virtually everything on this stupid letdown planet.

If a $10 coupon isn't enough to buy back the fandom you so quickly abandoned at the first sign of trouble, stay home. More frozen margaritas, helmet cholesterol and elbow room for me. See you on opening day, when you quietly abandon your self-appointed Brewers strike you went on "until the Brewers CUT the LIER" (they're still contractually obligated to pay $113M to). I'll be the guy pointing and laughing at you when you try to start the wave at a pivotal moment in the game.

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