26
Jun 14

The Beginning (or the End) of the Milwaukee Bucks

Sorry I'm writing about the NBA today when the Brewers are still the best ever, but I had to and you should still come to the Pants Party on Sunday July 27th. Only three weeks left to get tickets and when they're gone, they're gone. It will be the BEST tailgate party of the summer. You won't regret going, but you will regret missing it. Don't do that. Check it out.

jabariThe Bucks were not good, crappy, god-awful, terrible, sucky, awful, shitty and just plain bad last season. OJ Mayo was fat, Larry Sanders broke his brain, Caron Butler lived up to his "from Racine" billing and Larry Sanders broke his brain again. Which actually worked out pretty good for me because tickets were REALLY cheap and I like going to basketball games. The more I went, the more I got attached to this bad basketball team that was seemingly on its way out of my city. Before I knew it, I was invested. I cared about a Gary Neal/Ramon Sessions trade. I wanted these young guys to figure things out (Giannis! Wolters!) and fulfill their potential. I wanted Larry Drew to learn how to coach. I wanted them to stay. I became excited about the prospect of a high draft pick, even going so far as to watch college basketball to see the guys who could potentially play in the Bradley Center. It was cool, but there was still that shred of doubt that they were leaving. (I'm not going to get into the political arena debate here because we don't know anything about any of it, so what's the point?) I couldn't help but think that there was nothing that could be done and that the city would let them leave without a fight. I was excited, but there was always that in the back of my mind to hold me back.

And then they got sold and now every single thing that happens is exciting. They have the number two pick, they want to build the team through the draft, they don't care about being the eighth seed like Kohl and want to build a real life championship contender. These are real things that are happening and suddenly Bucks basketball is exciting again. For the first time since that brief period when we all loved Brandon Jennings (guilty as charged) or the Ray Allen Game 6 before that, the Bucks seems like a real team in the league. The thing is, the Bucks know this. They know that fan interest has never been higher, they know this is the most important draft pick in team history and they know that they can't miss. Which is why the following things are true: Continue reading →


18
Dec 13

The MPD Guide to Holiday Parties

Last weekend I went to my girlfriend's work holiday party and it was GREAT, oh my god I had so much FUN and I CAN'T WAIT to go again next year! Holiday parties are the best and I think everyone should just go and spread Christmas cheer.

(looks over shoulder)

Okay, she's not looking anymore.

It was actually lammmmee. Nobody really embarrassed themselves, nobody threw up and nobody hooked up in a coat closet. Was it amateur hour or something? Nobody seemed like they wanted to win the party (ie be the most drunk) or become famous in the office for the rest of the year. It's almost like they needed some help, some guidance, something to show them how to make the most out of their Christmas party, They needed...

The MPD Guide to Holiday Parties

drunkxmas

 

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12
Sep 13

Homestander: It’s Almost Over

HomestanderEach Thursday preceding Brewers weekend home stands, Tyler Maas will help prepare fans for all elements of the upcoming series with the Homestander. Tyler prints Wisconsin-themed shirts at Forward Fabrics and contributes to such fine publications as Milwaukee Magazine, Shepherd Express and The A.V. Club Milwaukee. All views, naughty words and weirdo sentiments are his own. Follow him at @TylerJamesMaas.

Sorry I haven't done the past two Homestanders. For one, I've been very busy with totally important journalism stuff. But mostly I've just really struggled to care about the Milwaukee Brewers right now. That's a tough thing to admit, since baseball and, specifically, the Brewers are among the dozen or so things I actually care about in this largely disappointing letdown people call life. Still, I don't care. I haven't watched a full game since August. Since I failed to make my fantasy league's playoffs a few weeks back, I stopped looking at Jean Segura's stats. I couldn't tell you if Carlos Gomez is on the DL or exactly where Milwaukee sits in the NL Central standings.

As a Brewers fan, I should be accustomed to this time of year being devoid of meaning. The team has only made the playoffs twice in my lifetime. However, this is the most disappointing Brewers season I can ever remember. I realistically figured Milwaukee would finish, at best, third in the central... but likely fourth. I knew the young and largely inexperienced roster would have its ebbs and flows. But add in the Ryan Braun suspension, Aramis Ramirez being a hobbled husk of his former self, Rickie Weeks being shitty-then-injured, trading my favorite Brewer (John Axford) for peanuts, fielding Sean Halton and vying for LAST place with the rebuilding Cubs... this year is battling with 2004 for the worst Brewers season ever.

Still, I'll look back at the 2013 season fondly with memories like Segura "stealing" first base, being in attendance when Blake Lalli won a game, meeting Mark Attanasio and awkwardly asking him for a picture on the field in San Diego, Vince and I eating a bunch of dollar hot dogs in gross ways and Vine-ing it, the Pants Party, Gomez robbing that Joey Votto homer, Sophia Minnaert almost dying when a foul ball knocked the mic out of her hand, Bob Uecker saying a bunch of funny stuff on air, becoming acquainted with Logan Schafer's patented "you got a purdy mouth" look during at-bats and sitting in the worst seat at Miller Park. My heart may not be in it right now, but I'll be back again. And again.

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01
Aug 13

Homestander: Buy Me Back

HomestanderEach Thursday preceding Brewers weekend home stands, Tyler Maas will help prepare fans for all elements of the upcoming series with the Homestander. Tyler prints Wisconsin-themed shirts at Forward Fabrics and contributes to such fine publications as Milwaukee Magazine and The A.V. Club Milwaukee. All views, naughty words and weirdo sentiments are his own. Follow him at @TylerJamesMaas.

The Brewers organization's decision to issue $10 vouchers to all fans in August is genius. Everything is so smart about it. When in the season the promotion is occurring; the fact that the savings equates to a possible $3.6M (approximately the money gained back from Ryan Braun's salary), the lack of fine print in regard to how and on what the voucher can be used. It's the perfect and self-aware response to a bad situation the team is in (primarily) due to poor judgement on behalf of one of its employees.

Some fans--the same turds who post videos of themselves burning Ryan Braun jerseys on YouTube and pen grammatically-weak sob stories about how their son lost a "role model" (You mean the dude comparing Ryan Braun to an alleged murder on the internet wasn't his original role model?) on comment boards--say $10 isn't enough to account for this lost season. To those fans, feel free to stay home. Miller Park doesn't need your negativity, self-doctored "Fraud" shirseys and drop-of-the-hat booing. Bad baseball played under an open roof by men named Gindl and Gennett in August after a blackout drunk tailgate sesh is still better than virtually everything on this stupid letdown planet.

If a $10 coupon isn't enough to buy back the fandom you so quickly abandoned at the first sign of trouble, stay home. More frozen margaritas, helmet cholesterol and elbow room for me. See you on opening day, when you quietly abandon your self-appointed Brewers strike you went on "until the Brewers CUT the LIER" (they're still contractually obligated to pay $113M to). I'll be the guy pointing and laughing at you when you try to start the wave at a pivotal moment in the game.

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18
Jul 13

Homestander: More Like “All-Star LAME” AMIRIGHT?!?

HomestanderEach Thursday preceding Brewers weekend home stands, Tyler Maas will help prepare fans for all elements of the upcoming series with the Homestander. Tyler prints Wisconsin-themed shirts at Forward Fabrics and contributes to such fine publications as Milwaukee Magazine and The A.V. Club Milwaukee. All views, naughty words and weirdo sentiments are his own. Follow him at @TylerJamesMaas.

The All-Star Game is pointless. It's not only worthless, it's actually detrimental, in my opinion. I detailed it in a column a few years ago, but essentially:
• Putting the fate of the classification of "All-Star" (that once carried such importance and pride with it) in the hands of people voting 35 times apiece with each of their email addresses leads to the game being a popularity contest instead of an acknowledgement of accomplishment. Carlos Gomez and Jean Segura totally deserved to be there. Others, not so much.
• Having the game in the middle of the season is flawed, as the All-Star classification stays with a player, even after his average dips below .250 come September. By this logic, John Buck arguably deserved to be an All-Star this season.
• Between increased worries about pitch counts, innings limits and injury concerns (mixed with players opting not to go) and Last Chance polls, more players than ever are appearing in the mid-summer classic. Everyone is an All-Star, which makes a contest once populated with only the best the game had to offer into a pedestrian affair.
• Fans shouldn't want players on their favorite team to become All-Stars because earning an All-Star nod can (AND IS) used by agents in contract negotiations. Fans who are voting in droves to see their favorite players represent their team in the ASG are unwittingly making that player more expensive to re-sign and risking his departure once his deal is up.

While most of you were watching the All-Star Game, I was getting shithoused on a blanket at a public park and watching weirdo stoners hulu hoop while Painted Caves played nearby. I regret nothing. Spring Break 4 Evaaaaaaa!!!

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  • BrewBay

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    1971 TOPPS #116 KEN SANDERS MILWAUKEE BREWERS NM TO NM/NM+
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