Miller Park Drunk

Miller Park Drunk's Pants Party is going to be many things. It's going to be the first (and possibly last) meet up this site ever does. It's going to be one of the greatest tailgates of the year. It's going to be awesome, really awesome. More importantly, it's going to be an experience that changes your life on a deep level for many, if not all, of you.

Now, I know what you're thinking "Shut up, Vince. I know you are just trying to sell tickets to your stupid party that's over a month away" and you would be 100% correct. I am trying to sell tickets to my stupid party that's over a month away. Shit costs monies, yo. But I am also being completely honest with you right now. Your life will be changed by this event. You will walk out of (or possibly be carried out of) this event with your life changed in ways that you never thought possible. You see, you're going to meet people at this event. People you never knew existed and people you never thought could exist. People who will change your perception of reality to the point that you will start carrying a totem around like Cobb in Inception. People who will blow your mind. In fact, I know these people and if you are even a little bit interested in this event I'd like to tell you about them. I think you'll like them. Read the rest of this entry »

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Look, I like to drink beer. Lots of it. Beer is so, so tasty and I like what it does to me (mainly stop crying), but sometimes you can't drink beer. Sometimes you're in church. Sometimes you have to work later in the day. Sometimes your girlfriend tells you that if you have one more beer she will smash a bottle over your head. These things happen. At times like these I like to drink a little bit of raspberry tea. It's sweet and it has a nice flavor. Plus, it's fun to say. Go ahead and say it. Raspberry. Now say it like "rah-sperry". Funny right? I love raspberry tea.

Ryan Braun's restaurant in Lake Geneva does not have raspberry tea. The food is good, even if the menu is a bit weird. Seriously, can a brother just get some wings? Or how about an entree that I can pronounce? Are you trying to make me look stupid on my date or something? Carpaccio, amatriciana, gnocchi, honestly I feel like you are just making up words here. Like I do when I am losing at Scrabble.

I had a steak sandwich for lunch and it was probably one of my favorite steak sandwiches I've had in a long time. It was actually medium rare, thick pieces (not slices) of mozzarella, oven roasted tomatoes and a steak sauce that I really enjoyed. It was really good. I sat at the bar (because, seriously, where else would I sit?) and the girls were nice and knew their stuff. They were, of course, bored out of their mind because there was maybe four people in the whole room, but still. The beer selection and everything seemed decent.

Still, it's a classy joint. Read the rest of this entry »

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What's your name? Who's your daddy? Is he rich like me? Has he taken any time, any time to show you what you need to live? Tell it to me slowly. Tell you what? I really want to know.

That's right, Miller Park Drunk fans, it's the time of the season for loving. While some people might say that my heart turned black many years ago after it was ripped out by an evil bitch woman [I don't really mean this, baby. Come on, let's get back together! I frickin' love you okay!? GOD WHY ARE YOU BEING LIKE THIS!? ANSWER MY FACEBOOK MESSAGES ALREADY! -Ed.] the truth is that I am actually quite capable of love. In fact, I am a believer that the summer may be the best time for people to find it.

There are a lot of cool things to do with a girl during the summer. Taking a sunset walk along the beach, going to the fair and trying to look cool by winning a stuffed animal, introducing her to your parents, going kayaking or just taking her to a bar and getting drunk together (or as I like to call it "my only move") are all great things to do on a date. If you can't think of something to do with a girl during the summer you clearly aren't trying. Of course when you are thinking of things to do with a girl during the summer it's inevitable that the idea of taking them to a Brewers game will come up. Miller Park is fun and exciting and it's a great place for people to get drunk. It sounds great, but this is a very, very slippery slope. Where do you see this going? Do you like this girl? Because if you do this it just might be the ultimate test of the validity of your relationship. I'm not being facetious here, taking a date to Miller Park is SERIOUS BUSINESS and it could spell doom for any potential relationships you might have.

Which, like always, is why I am here. Here to help you through the trying times of trying to find love in the 21st century because if I can help you then maybe I can help myself and if I can help myself then there is hope for us all. Read the rest of this entry »

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Presented without comment, the children of Brewers owner Mark Attanasio.

Mike

Dan

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Casey McGehee is a dad.

During the fifth inning of a Milwaukee Brewers game last week Casey McGehee used "C is for Cookie" by the Cookie Monster from Sesame Street as his at-bat music. Nobody seems to know why this is, but one could imagine. For one, it's kind of funny. He laughed. For another, his three year old son Mack was probably at the game and that is the kind of thing that would make a three year old really happy. Playing baseball is hard and takes a ton of work, but making sure his son is happy is something that comes natural to a dad like Casey McGehee.

Mack was born with cerebal palsy and brain damage, a premy that never quite fully recovered from it. I'll never forget the game I went to last summer where Mack threw out the first pitch. It was a pretty emotional moment and a drunk Miller Park Drunk in section 127 may have got some dust in his eye thinking about it at the time. That same drunk person found it completely unbelievable that on a day when his son threw out the first pitch that Casey McGehee would be sitting on the bench. It just didn't make sense, fire Ken Macha! Until the sixth inning when Casey hit a pinch-hit go-ahead homerun. Mack was still in the ballpark and got to hear the 39,890 people in attendance cheer their hearts out for his dad. That made sense. Read the rest of this entry »

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