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Sup, Drunks?

Just imagine the cupcakes are potentially humorous Brewers tidbits.

Hello.

Figuring one of every six Miller Park Drunk posts of late were either co-written by me or mentioned me, I finally set aside my fear of rejection last Friday and asked Vince, left, if I could be taken in as the second MPDer. Fortunately for me, he complied.

"But who is this 'Maas' author?" you ask with feigned surprise. Before I officially tag myself into this ring of dick jokes, halfassed Photoshops and obscure pop culture references, I thought I'd formally introduce myself and help prepare you for what you'll get from me.

Who am I?
You know, I feel like that's a question to which there's really no true answer (I'm kind of deep!). But if forced to narrow it down to a few bullet points, I'm a Sagittarius. We're known for our lack of astrological knowledge. Beyond that, I'm a Milwaukee-based professional writer... in the absolutely loosest sense of the term. I liken my writing as a living to how Jack Wilson is technically a professional baseball player, except that I've never had the ability to trick a mismanaged organization into overpaying me. My mismanaged organization pays me exactly what I'm worth.

You probably know me from...
Writing those few sentences above this. I sincerely doubt any of you know who I am. Don't get me wrong, it's not because you guys aren't learned and well-versed people. Rather, I am just that unknowable. I'm like the Nearly Every Baseball Blogger Ever of baseball blogging notoriety. However, that's not to say I haven't tried to build my brand. I cut my teeth with the now-defunct Brewers blog Right Field Bleachers. I write over half the Brewers-related content at The Onion-affiliated websites The A.V. Club Milwaukee and The A.V. Club Madison. I contribute content (primarily music and some Brewers stuff, when possible) to Milwaukee Magazine, too. I also (hardly ever) write for Boston-based baseball blog Bugs & Cranks.

You may have also heard of my new Wisconsin sports-themed T-shirt company Forward Fabrics and my, like, never updated pizza blog Doctors Of Za, where I write under the handle "T. Mario."

What to expect from me.
I've loved the Brewers for roughly 21 of my 26 years. The missing annuals were my first five, when I was either a clueless, drooling piece of shit and/or not aware that anything that wasn't a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle or one of my own boogers existed. Still, I think that's a pretty honest and admirable assessment of my Brewers fandom. Thus, I am able to produce obscure names like Jesse Levis, Jody Reed, Turner Ward and Rocky Coppinger to serve as the mortar to bind the bricks that are my contemporary Brewers takes. I sponsored Tim Dillard's Baseball-Reference page waaaaay before it was cool (Estimated date of it being cool to sponsor Tim Dillard's Baseball-Reference page: Never). I'm also certain that I'm one of two people responsible for John Axford using "New Noise" by Refused as his entrance music in save situations. This heavy metal magazine agrees. In short, I care deeply about the Brewers.

Hopefully, I'll be able to help bring well-thought, well-written and funny posts to the site. They'll be in the vein of Vince's humor and writing, except without the pictures of that dog in the lobster costume. I don't know what that's about. I also swear a lot more often and have been known to overuse parenthesis (like, a lot). If this all goes correctly, Miller Park Drunk will be a better site with more updates, Vince will get more visitors/ad revenue, I'll sell more shirts and we'll all get our dicks wet and our pussies (consensually) jammed. I mean that last part figuratively, of course.

And maybe--JUST MAYBE--we'll share a few laughs along the way.

Love,
Tyler

Go see Zack Greinke dummies Brewers vs Padres series preview [ad]

This past week has SUCKED. All these losses, people getting hurt, Zack Greinke's debut killing my fantasy team, Nyjer Morgan lasting like one at bat before going back on the DL, Christian losing the title, Craig Counsell's Superman at-bat being wasted, Mark Kotsay playing in real games, having my tooth pulled costing four hundred dollars, pink bats and everything else have led to one of the more disappointing weeks in recent Brewers memory. (Note: My recent Brewers memory stopped at some point in 2009.)

None of that matters now. All of those bad things, the Brewers current record and everything that happened before today does not matter. As far as I'm concerned the season starts tonight with the Miller Park debut of Zack Greinke. His arrival is the reason we believed in this team, the reason people picked the Brewers for the World Series and the reason we never gave up on them despite the fact that the frickin' Pirates have a better record than them right now. Tonight is the night that it all begins. Forget Opening Day, this is the real beginning of the season. Read more...

Milwaukee Brewers vs Houston Astros series preview [ad]

The Houston Astros head into Miller Park this weekend looking to improve on their NL Central worst 7-12 record. We don't think they will. The Milwaukee Brewers currently sit at 9-9, but it's a "hey we should probably be better than this" 9-9. The Brewers currently sit one game back in the race for the NL Central and a sweep could help them in a big way. The Brewers will send their three best pitchers to the mound in this series and look to build on their strong early season home record. Let's check out the match ups and see what tickets are going for. SPOILER ALERT: They are cheap.
Read more...

Chicago Cubs at Milwaukee Brewers 4/8 4/9 4/10 [ad]

The Chicago Cubs make their way to Miller Park this weekend. In the past there has been almost as many tickets on the secondary market available for this series as drunk guys named Chet in tattered Cubs hats. People think they can make a lot of money off of Cubs fans driving up for the series and end up with their tickets online hoping for a buyer. Ideally, there will be plenty of deals to be found considering the Cubs fans have been barely showing up to Wrigley Field this season. Still, it is a marquee series so prices will run high no matter what.

Let's take a look at what we have to work with this weekend. Read more...

Opening Day? [ad]

Are you a sucker like me who missed out on Opening Day tickets and now find yourself forced to buy tickets off of the secondary market? Doesn't it suck? I mean, most of the people at the game aren't even going for their love of the Brewers. They're going to drink. Most of them won't even make it in for the first inning. Hell, I know some people are going just because they heard the Packers are going to be there. What the hell is that all about? In many ways Opening Day is a lot like New Year's Eve aka amateur night. People like us go to bars year round, but all the people who don't come out on New Year's Eve and act like idiots. WOOOO! The calendar year has changed by one! We are all one step closer to death! YAY! Who gives a crap? Act like an adult. (Says the guy who did a keg stand in his boxers.) Still, Opening Day holds a certain allure and I don't want to miss it. It's a fun time when the Brewers play their first game at home and I've been for the past few years. I want to go again.

So, the secondary market it is. For pretty much every game for the rest of the season I can end up going to the game for less than face value, but for this one I have to pay over market value for tickets. What to do? Read more...